Shannon Kenny Carbonell - All Is Not LOST: How I Friended Failure on the Island and Found a Way Home

Praise for

ALL IS NOT LOST

A highly entertaining, intimate, and honest account of a womans life at a crossroads, told against the psychological backdrop of Hollywoods demands and a young girls dreams. Shannon has written a beautiful book all women will find themselves in. It is a great read.

KERRY EHRIN, screenwriter; producer; Emmy, Writers Guild, and Womens Image Network Award nomineeFriday Night Lights, Parenthood, Bates Motel, and The Morning Show

Such an incredibly brave, raw, and beautiful book! All Is Not LOST is a story about Shannons readjustment from the life she thought shed be living to the one she actually is. Her honesty is almost uncomfortable at times as she identifies so many truths that I also see in myself but that I darent express. This is a must-read that will also satisfy your wanderlust, as Shannon captures the beauty of Hawaii and the profound way this place can touch you like no other.

HENRY IAN CUSICK, actor, writer, directorDesmond Hume on LOST (Emmy nomination), Stephen Finch on Scandal, Marcus Kane on The 100, Russell Taylor on MacGyver

Shannons touching, chucklesome, and shoot-from-the-ovaries testimony reminds me that those obligatory ruts in lifebe it bereavement, heartbreak, or stucknessare things that are happening for me, not to me. How do we unleash the energy to move ahead of our creative dead ends? How do we overcome the unseen forces that stand in the way of inspiration? Read this gorgeous narrative. You just may give yourself the confidence and permission to move past your feeling of being stuck.

VERA FARMIGA, actress; director; producer; Academy Award, Emmy, BAFTA, Golden Globe, Screen Actors Guild, Critics Choice, Independent Spirit nomineeTV shows: Bates Motel, When They See UsFilms: Up In the Air, The Departed, The Conjuring Franchise, The Front Runner

Carbonell manages to make her uncommon experiencerelocating her family to paradise where her husband is acting on the beloved series, LOSTinto a wholly relatable and poignant memoir about family, self-sacrifice, and the desperate need for solitude, despite feeling alone. Reading her story is like having wine with girlfriends and upon leaving, feeling elated and fiercely loving everything you have, including the friendships that made the recognition possible.

KAUI HART HEMMINGS, American author of The Descendants, The Possibilities, and How to Party with an Infant

This book is a memoir reflecting the authors present recollections of experiences over time. Its story and its words are the authors alone. Some details and characteristics may be changed, some events may be compressed, and some dialogue may be recreated. Some names and identifying characteristics of persons referenced in this book, as well as identifying places, have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals and their families.

Published by Greenleaf Book Group Press

Austin, Texas

www.gbgpress.com

Copyright 2021 Shannon Kenny Carbonell

All rights reserved.

Thank you for purchasing an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright law. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the copyright holder.

Distributed by Greenleaf Book Group

For ordering information or special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Greenleaf Book Group at PO Box 91869, Austin, TX 78709, 512.891.6100.

Design and composition by Greenleaf Book Group

Cover design by Greenleaf Book Group

Cover Image: iStockphoto.com/Jag_cz

Publishers Cataloging-in-Publication data is available.

Print ISBN: 978-1-62634-767-0

eBook ISBN: 978-1-62634-768-7

Part of the Tree Neutral program, which offsets the number of trees consumed in the production and printing of this book by taking proactive steps, such as planting trees in direct proportion to the number of trees used: www.treeneutral.com

Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper

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First Edition

For Nestor, who always holds the door open for me without fail.

And for Mum and Dad, who gave me unspoken license to walk on through.

Prologue

JANUARY 2010

I cant do the red carpet with you, I whispered to Nestor once we settled into the town car. Im just... ugh. I feel fat and ugly. I dont want to be photographed.

You look beautiful, he said, a little too loudly.

Shhh. Please, I begged. I didnt want the driver to hear us.

And then the tears came.

I tilted my head back and breathed deeply, hoping to stem the tide. My fake lashes had taken so damn long to apply. I couldnt risk ruining them.

Nestor did as I asked: He let it go.

I kept my head back, just in case. Im sorry, I whispered.

He shrugged. Its not a big deal. I dont care about any of this stuff.

It was true. He didnt care about attention from the press or the publics perception of him. Walking the red carpet for the premiere episode of the final season of LOST was merely a part of his job. But I also knew hed be happier with me by his side while he courted his fans and the media. The problem was, I did care about all that stuff.

All my life Id wanted to be a Famous Actress. Not just an actress. Id always been desperate to be seen, to be known. Yet now I didnt want anyone to recognize me, to survey what Id become: an actress who had given up on her career and on maintaining her size 6 body.

But how can an invisible person be famous? Its been said that fame only exists quantitativelythere is the star, and there are the stars many fans. Thats all there is to it. And no matter how shallow the equation of fame proved to be, Id programmed myself to want it. So now I had a big problem: If I was noticednoticed by large numbers of peopleI existed. If I was not...

Hiding wasnt simply hiding. Hiding was wiping out the equation. Hiding was erasing myself.

I apologized to Nestor again. He told me not to sweat itagain.

Once we stepped out of the car, the crowd of onlookers began calling out his name, each voice begging him to come and talk. Photographers surrounded him. The cacophony of calls, camera clicks, and the baseline buzz of chatter jolted me out of my ruminative stupor. I watched Nestor pleasing both fans and the media as he moved down the red carpet. Then I lost sight of him in the press of the crowd and the bleached fog of sea spray, sand dust, and camera flashes. He entered the land of flawless men and women spun into gods and goddesses. And I was stranded, left behind, a mortal who was forever barred from the kingdom.

I snuck away to a little tented area to wait with the other partners who didnt want to walk the red carpet. We made small talk for a while, until suddenly the crowd gave a huge roar. I looked out from under the tent.

A Famous Actress had arrived.

Evangeline LillyEvie, as the cast called herplayed Kate, the female lead. I thought she was excellent in her role, but I had no idea who she really was as a person. Nestor rarely worked on set with her, and she mistakenly called him Chester. He didnt have the heart to correct her the first time, so hed let it go until it had reached the point of no return.