Zeke Fuhrman - Land of 10,000 Aches: A History of Minnesota Meltdowns

Land of
10,000 Aches

A History of Minnesota Meltdowns

Zeke Fuhrman

Copyright 2020 by Zeke Fuhrman.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019919372

ISBN: Hardcover 978-1-7960-7265-5

Softcover 978-1-7960-7264-8

eBook 978-1-7960-7263-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery Getty Images.

Author photo courtesy of Forever Yours Portraits by Abby Schlauderaff

Rev. date: 12/06/2019

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

804280

CONTENTS

For my friends, teachers, faculty and staff at Staples-Motley High School and the University of NorthwesternSt. Paul who encouraged, inspired, and excited me about writing.

For my fantasy football league except Peter. You suck.

For Dan the Common Man Cole, who unknowingly led me into a career that I love.

Most of all, to my darling wife, Mandy, and our children, Esme and Judah. Daddy can finally put the computer down. I love you all.

H ave you ever tied a rope around the back of a car, tied the other end around your testicles, and had your heart ripped out through your groin?

Willingly?

That is what it is like to be a fan of Minnesota sports. The good news is that after you do that literally hundreds and hundreds of times, you eventually become numb to the pain. Numb enough to continue to root for a team that has lost four Super Bowls and six NFC Championship games, a team that has lost an MLB-record sixteen straight postseason games, a team that was eliminated from the first round of the NBA playoffs for seven consecutive years despite having one of the best players in the league, and a team that doesnt have any professional championships despite the moniker the State of Hockey.

Dont get me wrong. There have definitely been some feel-good moments. But thats how they keep their hooks in you. For every Minneapolis Miracle, there is a Josh McCowntoNate Poole and Roger StaubachtoDrew Pearson. For every Andrew Brunette overtime winner, there is a Ron Schock and Magnus Paajarvi series ender. For every Andy McPhail, there is a Bill Smith and David Kahn. For every Kevin Garnett, there is a Derrick Williams and Jonny Flynn. For every Joe Nathan robbery, there is a Herschel Walker and Brandon Roy. And the list goes on and on and on and on.

Minnesota fans have endured everything: last-second losses, historically bad teams, draft busts, missed calls, terrible trades, disappointing playoff runs, underqualified front office staff and coaches, and untimely injuries. Yet this fan base stays loyal. Even when their team sets the NFL record for points scored and fails to make the Super Bowl. Even when their team sets a major league record for most home runs hit in a season but gets swept out of the playoffs. Even when their collegiate sports programs go through scandal after scandal after scandal after scandal. People may say I was born under a lucky star: Spring Training 1987. And while I have technically lived through two Minnesota championships, I have always longed to know what it is like to see my teams confetti fall from the rafters.

The greatest things to happen to me are my marriage, my kids, and winning the World Series and not in that order, said my Chicago Cubs fan after they won their World Series.

It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, said my St. Louis Blues fan after their Stanley Cup Finals win in 2019.

NICK FOLES IS THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME ! screamed my former Philadelphia Eagles friend as I threw him out of my house during Super Bowl XLII.

While this book doesnt have all 10,000 heartbreaks in it, it does chronicle some of the worst Minnesota sports moments of all time. If youre having a good day, I wouldnt read this book.

APRIL 20, 1948

The John Wooden Snowstorm

If fate had not intervened, I would never have gone to UCLA.

John Wooden

I n 1948, the University of Minnesota was looking for a new mens basketball coach. Dave MacMillan had just retired for a second time due to his health, and the university was looking for a long-term answer for the program.

The Gophers reached out to an up-and-coming coach from Indiana State Teachers College (now Indiana State University) named John Wooden. Wooden had led ISTC to the Indiana Intercollegiate Conference title and had received an invitation to the NAIB Tournament (which he declined, citing the tournaments ban on African American players).

There was, however, another program looking for a new basketball coach, as well: UCLA. Wooden wanted to go to Minnesota because he and his wife, Nellie, preferred to stay in the Midwest.

In April 1948, John lined up a phone call with each institution; first with Minnesota athletic director Frank G. McCormick, then UCLA AD Wilbur Johns an hour later. He waited by the phone when McCormick was supposed to call. He waited and waited and waited. Eventually, about an hour later, the phone did ring.

It was Johns and UCLA. Thinking that the Gophers had lost interested in him, he accepted the UCLA job on the spot.

Minutes after accepting the Bruins job, the phone rang again. It was McCormick. There had been an April snowstorm in Minneapolis, and he had gotten stuck in the middle of it and was unable to make the phone call. He offered Wooden the job on the spot; Wooden declined the offer because he had already given his word to UCLA.

Wooden faced a challenge at UCLA. The Bruins didnt have an on-campus arena. They played their games at the practice facility until fire codes closed it down. From 1948 to 1962, Woodens Bruins played their home games at Santa Monica City College and Venice High School.

Despite that hurdle, Wooden had immediate success at UCLA and instantly turned around a faltering program. UCLA was 227 in 1948. A year later, they were 247 and in Woodens first NCAA tournament.

Prior to Woodens arrival at UCLA, the Bruins had won only two conference championships in the previous eighteen years. By 1965, UCLA was a national powerhouse recruiting the likes of Bill Walton, Gail Goodrich, Jamaal Wilkes, Marques Johnson, Sidney Wicks, Lucius Allen, and arguably the best high school prospect of all time, Lou Alcindor.

Wooden led UCLA to ten national championships (including seven consecutive ones from 1967 to 1973) and transformed UCLA as one of the most successful college basketball programs in history.

The Gophers, on the other hand, hired away Michigan head coach Ozzie Cowles. Cowles was named the Big Ten Coach of the year with the Wolverines in 1947. Cowles saw immediate success with the Gophers too, finishing with 183 record and finished ranked number 6 in the AP Poll. He would coach the Gophers until 1959, compiling a 14693 record.

Although he didnt have the same national success as he did at previous coaching jobs like Dartmouth (eight Ivy League titles, three NCAA tournament appearances, and NCAA runner-up in 1943) and Michigan, the O. Cowles era of Gopher basketball is often referred to as the golden era of the program.

The two big differences in the coaches (other than the ten championship banners hanging in Pauley Pavilion right now) are the coaching philosophies. Cowles was an old-style coach. In February 1949, the Long Beach Press-Telegram ran a lengthy story on Cowles negatively impacting an evolving game:

Ozzie Cowles has put the brakes on basketball in the Western Conference, and speculation is rife over whether the hardwood sport has seen the limit, for the time being at least, of the fire department style which sent scores soaring and left fans, players and coaches breathless. Coach Cowles finds himself in a storm center.