Billy Allmon - Navy Seals and Their Unabashed Humor: Unfiltered, Uncensored and Unhinged!

Keeping Their Country Safe.
Their Buddies, Whom They Would
Die For Not So Much.

Navy SEALs have only two things to watch out for: the bad guysand their fellow SEALs. Amid the unthinkable pressures these brave men face on their freedom-protecting missionsare periods of training and downtimewhich leaves all-too-many opportunities for them to figure out practical jokes on their friends and payback on prettymuch anyone who has the bad judgment to cross them.

Navy SEALs and Their Unabashed Humor lays bare the mischief real SEALs have gotten into. Thanks to these stories we know:

• To be wary of Aussie commandoes and their cloudy ice cubes
• Why Navy SEALs might go bald
• If youre a SEAL, youre not even safe on the crapper
• Not to trust your SEAL buddies to plan your bachelor party
• Its not smart to play jokes on SEAL wives

Author Billy Allmon, a combat veteran of three wars, has to rank right up there among the best of practical jokers. Andhe has the storiesand the scarsto prove it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

William (Billy) Allmon is a combat veteran of three wars, serving as a Navy SEAL from 1969-1993. He has participated in and led covert operations andclassified missions worldwide. His rsum reads like a list of James Bondadventures, and includes boots-on-the-ground activities in many countries, fromEl Salvador to Desert Storm, where he served as an intelligence officer.

In addition to his battlefield andspecial operations experience, Billy is recognized as a counter-terrorist andsecurity expert and, at the Maritime University in Long Island, New York, hetaught anti-piracy procedures, how to survive as a hostage, and techniques fordealing with stowaways. He has instructed U.S. Navy SEALs in combat tactics,weapons of mass destruction, close-quarters battle, field tracking, scoutsniper, unarmed combat, and clandestine communications systems and procedures,among other useful skills. He is regularly contacted by government agencies forhis technical expertise in order to better train military technicians andSpecial Operations Groups prior to their deployments.

Billy retired as a Chief PettyOfficer and lives quietly in the desertwhere he is almost certainly dreamingup new and more hilarious practical jokes to play on his SEAL brothers orothers.

Copyright 2015 by William Allmon

Pippin Publishing

269 S.Beverly Dr

Beverly Hills, California 90212
www.pippinpublishingbooks.com

All rights reserved. No part of thisbook may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronicor mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storageand retrieval system, except in the case of brief quotations embodied incritical articles and reviews, without prior written permission of thepublisher.

Publishers Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

Allmon, Billy.

Navy SEALs and their unabashed humor / Billy Allmon. -- Beverly Hills,

CA : Pippin Publishing, [2015]

pages : illustrations ; cm.

ISBN: 978-0-9787389-0-7 (paperback) 978-0-9787389-3-8 (ebook)

Summary: Whats moredangerous than the enemy? To a Navy SEAL, the answer is ... his buddies, whenthey play practical jokes. SEAL Billy Allmon is a veteran of three wars. Butmore than that, he is the veteran of countless practical jokes, most of whichwere perpetrated on the very brothers whose lives he had saved, or theyhis.--Publisher.

1. United States.Navy. SEALs--Humor. 2. United States. Navy. SEALs --Biography.3. Allmon, Billy--Anecdotes. 4. American wit and humor. 5. Humor.6. Anecdotes.

VG87 .A45 2015 2015953477

359.9/840973--dc23 1511

Cover Design: Lewis Agrell

Interior Design: Ghislain Viau

To my wife and good friend, Alice: Thank you for standing by me for better and for worse. We both know that with all of my deployments, I gave you more worse thanbetter.

To my sons: I am so proud of the men that you have become. Never forget, no matter where you go in life or what you do, it is your wife and children who need youthe most, and when you are ill or down, it is they who will be by your side.

To all the Frogmen and SEALs out there, I thank you. Without your unique sense of humor, this book would not have been possible. And let me also say to everyonewho is or has served in the military, thank you all for your unwavering dedication and service to our country.

Contents

PREFACE

T herehave been many books written about the U.S. Navy SEALs. However, in this book Iwant to concentrate on the humorous side of the Navy SEALs. I feel that thereare enough books and movies out there about the blood, guts, and gore ofcombat. Besides, just about every Navy SEAL (and non-SEALs) would much ratherlaugh than read about, or hear about, catastrophically harmful events.

Anyone who has been in combat, has been a police officer, firstresponder, firefighter, worked in the ER of a hospital, a burn center, or acancer wardthose are the kinds of people I feel would much rather laugh thanto sit down and read a book about all the stories of pain, fear, and death.

So, what is it about dark humor that is funny? Some may feelthat the practical jokes within this book are childish, not funny, or evenuncalled for, given the situation and the profession that the storiesencompassscenarios in which all Navy SEALs must work. To those people, I say:You are truly blessed for living such a comfortable life. You have beensheltered from all the ugliness that surrounds you.

I would also presume to say that your career is not in the field of saving or protecting peoples liveswithin the United States, or in any other country overseas. Consequently, youmay lack the exposure to lifes ugliness, which would provide you with a keeninsight into the kind of understanding that is sometimes needed for gallowshumor.

The humor within these pages depicts the raw truth of what ittakes to continue on mentally, in a career filled with suffering, death, andfear in order to keep ones sanity intact. Consider yourself to be made awarethat the humor contained within these pages is notpolitically correct. It is gross, off-color, sick, or any other word that thefaint of heart use because they cannot stomach such humor. So, proceed at yourown risk, as you will be demented by SEAL humor.

After my first book, When the Bullet Hits YourFunny Bone: The Essence of a U.S. Navy SEAL, I received a few reviewsfrom people who clearly disliked those who served in the military. It made mewonder why they would even bother to purchase a book that was about people whoserved in the military in the first place.

Although everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I found itamusing that in their reviews, they stated I had lied about the activities,and the stories, because they could not possibly be true (as if these readerswere there), and as if their review was the only one that was going to trulymatter!

Here is a thought for people who write negative reviews: A fewbad reviews are like restaurant reviews; when it comes to certain people, nomatter what you serve them, and no matter the quality of the food, atmosphere,or location, it wont matter. Why? Because no matter what it is they are given,they have already made up their minds that they arent going to like it.

Cheers, and I hope you have the guts to enjoy some SEAL humor!

Billy Allmon

SMC

USN SEAL ret.

Class 58

Chapter 1