Antony Mason - Kings and Queens - A Very Peculiar History

Title Page

KINGS & QUEENS, A VERY PECULIAR HISTORY

With added blue blood

Written by

Antony Mason

Created and designed by David Salariya

Publisher Information

First published in Great Britain in MMXII by Book House, an imprint of

The Salariya Book Company Ltd

25 Marlborough Place, Brighton BN1 1UB

www.salariya.com

www.book-house.co.uk

Digital edition converted and distributed in 2012 by

Andrews UK Limited

www.andrewsuk.com

Editor: Jamie Pitman

Assistant editor: Jodie Leyman

Artists: David Antram, Mark Bergin, Ray and Corinne Burrows, Simon Calder, Carolyn Franklin, John James, Mark Pepp

The Salariya Book Company Ltd MMXII

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Every effort has been made to trace copyright holders. The Salariya Book Company apologises for any omissions and would be pleased, in such cases, to add an acknowledgement in future editions.

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You Wouldnt Want to be an Egyptian Mummy!

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Dedication

To my wife, Myriam, a treasured source of wise counsel, like her compatriot Philippa of Hainault, who persuaded her husband Edward III to spare the Burghers of Calais in 1347.

AM

The British National Anthem

God save our gracious Queen,

Long live our noble Queen,

God save the Queen:

Send her victorious,

Happy and glorious,

Long to reign over us:

God save the Queen.

O Lord, our God, arise,

Scatter her enemies,

And make them fall.

Confound their politics,

Frustrate their knavish tricks,

On Thee our hopes we fix,

God save us all.

Thy choicest gifts in store,

On her be pleased to pour;

Long may she reign:

May she defend our laws,

And ever give us cause

To sing with heart and voice

God save the Queen.

Ten peculiar royal facts

The British royal family has always been a bit of a mixed bag. Members of the family have been, or could be said to be:

1. Foreign: After the Normans, for over 300 years the kings of England spoke French as their first language. Henry V (14131422) may have been the first king to speak English with ease. The Hanoverian kings, starting with George I, spoke German. Even Queen Victoria used German at home, and never learnt to speak English perfectly.

2. Jumpy: During William the Conquerors coronation at Westminster Abbey, his guards massacred a crowd of Anglo-Saxon supporters: they mistook their cheers for a rebellion.

3. Spooky: The ghost of Catherine Howard, the executed fifth wife of Henry VIII, is said to haunt Hampton Court Palace, and is responsible for the name of the Haunted Gallery there.

4. Suspect: When James IIs second wife gave birth to a son, there was suspicion that she was too old, and that someone elses baby had been smuggled into the room in a warming pan. Thereafter, until the mid-20th century (up to the birth of Princess Margaret in 1930), all royal births had to be witnessed by the Home Secretary, a government minister.

5. Learned: King James I (VI of Scotland) wrote books on witchcraft, the dangers of tobacco and the duties of kingship.

6. Gross: Queen Anne had grown so large by the time of her death (swollen by body fluids from the condition called dropsy, now known as oedema) that she had to be buried in a coffin that was almost square.

7. Unlucky: William III died after his horse stumbled over a molehill in 1714. After this, supporters of the rival Stuart dynasty would raise a toast to the velvet-coated gentleman (the mole).

8. Lucky: Queen Victoria survived seven assassination attempts.

9. Measured: The old imperial measurement, the yard, was said to be based on the distance between Henry Is nose and his outstretched fingertip.

10. Well connected: Queen Elizabeth II can trace her ancestry back over 1,000 years to Alfred the Great, the first King of England, who ruled from AD 871 to 899.

Putting Royalty on the Map

1. Buckingham Palace, London

2. Balmoral Castle, Scotland

3. Sandringham House, Norfolk

4. Palace of Holyroodhouse, Edinburgh

5. Castle of Mey, Scotland

6. Windsor Castle, Berkshire

7. Osborne House, Isle of Wight

8. Brighton Pavilion, East Sussex

9. Kew Palace, London

10. Winchester, Saxon capital of Wessex

11. Scone, first capital of Scotland

12. Canterbury Cathedral, Kent

13. Sherwood Forest, Nottinghamshire

14. Berkeley Castle, Gloucestershire

15. Oxford Castle, Oxfordshire

The elements of the Royal Coat of Arms have been gradually put together since the time of Richard I The Lionheart in the 12th century. The symbols on the shield show the three lions of England, the lion of Scotland and the harp of Ireland. The supporters are a lion (for England) and a unicorn (for Scotland).

Honi soit qui mal y pense (Shame be to him who thinks evil of it) is the motto of the Order of the Garter: tradition holds that Edward III said this when gallantly picking up a ladys fallen garter at a dance.

Dieu et mon droit (God and my right) refers to the divine or God-given right of the monarch to govern.

Introduction

Britain is still ruled by a Queen. Well, ruled may not be quite the right word, but she is Head of State, and she still has a considerable amount of influence over the way Britain is run. Some 1,200 years ago, when our story begins, kings had the power to do just about anything they liked. They were nice only if they wanted to be, but generally got their way through force, general bullying, and perhaps murder and mayhem if no-one murdered them first.

Over those 1,200 years the power of the kings and queens of Britain has been gradually whittled away. Today, Britain is governed primarily by Parliament, and the people have a choice about who governs them, which they exercise through elections. It took centuries of struggle to reach this point, because the kings and queens were not going to give up their powers voluntarily. One Charles I was so obstinate he ended up having his head chopped off.