Tom Cole - Hell West and Crooked: A Living Legend, a Real-life Crocodile Dundee

I first saw the light of day in London, in 1906. It doesnt seem to have been an earth-shattering event no bolts of lightning, no earthquakes, nothing whatever of a cataclysmic nature. Maybe just a muffled pop.

I have no recollection of that city as a child; we moved to the country in Kent a year or so later, which I loved. My memories are very vague. A big house, sweeping lawns, a magnificent wisteria smothering a large tree, orchards, glasshouses and a big dog, Jack, who went everywhere with me. My father was not a very good businessman, though I knew nothing of such things then. We left there and went to another place, also in Kent, to what I recall was a fairly large orchard that grew every kind of fruit. There are always memories that stay there was a grove of huge walnut trees and my brother and I soon found we were able to dye our faces a marvellous dark colour with the skins, turning us into instant Indians. Our enthusiasm was not shared by our mother; the dye took a week to remove.

It was here that what I regarded as a serious interruption to my education occurred I was compelled to go to school, one of the more undistinguished periods of my life. I have no doubt the relief I felt when I left was only exceeded by that of my teachers.

At the age of seventeen, I decided to leave England for what was then known as the colonies. It was not a difficult decision to make. In a family of eight I was the eldest son, and though I believe I was of an amiable disposition, it was not sufficiently amiable to endear myself to my father a feeling that was reciprocated. As events turned out, perhaps I should be grateful to him.

Like most lads of seventeen I was not unduly burdened with a wealth of worldly knowledge (and perhaps it was fortunate that the sum total of my beliefs were in inverse ratio to the facts); I have always been given to making lightning decisions and in 1923, when I saw posters beckoning young empire-builders, I had no doubt where my destiny lay.

The advertisements were for Canada, New Zealand and Australia. Those of Canada and New Zealand depicted scenes of emerald green pastures with a backdrop of breathtaking snowcapped mountains. I had no doubt what winter would be like there! I have always hated the cold and for several months of the year was miserable with cold feet and chilblains: most kids looked forward to presents at Christmas I always knew I was going to get chilblains.