Theo Stocker - The Sailors Sin Bin: Cruisers Confess to their Boating Blunders

Roger Cooke

Richard Morris

Craig Robinson

Patrick Hurd

Brian Hewitt

Robert Cave

Colin Duce

Simon Walsh

Tom Mullarkey

Christopher Beaumont-Hutchings

Alex Maioru

Hamish Wills

Ian Burton

Roy Sheriff

David Sannella

Sir Robin Knox-Johnston

Dermot Cox

Paul Fearn

Ed Beard

Liz Carter

Angela Chapman

Bill Gray

Simon Ransome-Williams

FM Aalbersberg

Rob Nicholls

Malcolm Kent

Paul Russell

Alan Douglas

Harold Flannery

Bill Gray

Anton Pruden

Ella Walsworth-Bell

Peter Adeline

Piers Pisani

Stewart May

David Beattie

Terrence Kearney

Martin Lampard

Alan Wilson

Tommi Jokiniemi

Simon Vage

Kay Jay J Bommer

Edward Sutton

Chris West

Richard Clutterbuck

John Soloman

Chris Hanson

Glenn Johnstone

Brian Clements

Don Fitzroy-Smith

David Hilton

Julian Brown

Colin Flood

Robin Hunter

Susie Mellers

Gordon Fyfe

James Deasley

Don Fitzroy Smith

George DuBose

Keith May

Andreas Fallaschinski

Ed Crosse

David Pick

Beryl Chalmers

Phillip Cave

Brian North

Timothy Long

Thomas Robinson

Ray Lupton

Matthew Diggle

Sylvie Dubois-Marshall

Colin Langford

James Frost

Simon Temple

Harry Blathwayt

Simon James

Rob Whelan

Paul Clarke

Michael Davy

Liz Saunders

Eilef J Gard

Richard Hope-Hawkins

Terry Kemmann-Lane

Martin Doxey

Alistair Yeaman

Bill Brimble

Simon Lund

Susie Potter

Mike Howard

Peter Solly

Nick Johnstone

Lesley Black

Andrew Robinson

Tim Bultitude

Jack Handley

Oliver L Shaw

Mark Cherrill

Leonie Steer

Therese Labos

Huw Gibby

William H Holliday

Christopher Hill

Rob Ward

Mike Thornton

Ron Stoddart

Kevin West

Kelly Rashleigh

Keith Greenfield

Don Fitzroy Smith

Peter Rolt

Graham Hughes

Sarah OReilly

Liza Dodds

Christopher Smith

George DuBose

Philip Cave

Peter Kersey

Richard Pearce

Terrence Kearney

Kurt Jewson

Chris Mardon

Richard Avent

John Tylor

Paul Hough

Oliver L Shaw

Geoff Evans

Peter Guinan

Peter Reid

Oscar OSullivan

Worse things happen at sea, so the saying goes. As sailors, we all like to think of ourselves as experienced, knowledgeable, and above making silly mistakes. Of course, in reality, all of us make mistakes. We just hope that the consequences are not serious, and that no one was there to witness our embarrassment.

Even in a world of smartphone navigation and social media, shipwrecks and collisions, getting stuck in the toilet and cases of mistaken identity, worse things do indeed happen at sea. Mostly, they remain hidden until the skippers can bear the guilt no longer and must unburden their souls.

The Yachting Monthly Confessional has, for the last half-century, been hearing cruisers confessions, offering absolution and sharing the blunders and shenanigans of real sailors for all to enjoy.

Everything you are about to read really did happen. While plenty of boats were damaged in the process, all of the sailors survived to tell the tale, allowing us to learn from their mistakes, while having a good laugh at their expense.

If this book brings your own nautical misdemeanours to mind, Yachting Monthly stands ready to hear your confession too!

Theo Stocker
Editor
Yachting Monthly

His background was clearly military; his bearing suggested the parade ground and in speech, his certainty of tone conveyed the confidence of command. I had been invited to crew on his small cruiser moored on the River Hamble. To reach it we would use his tender which, he assured me, was ready waiting alongside the pontoon. It was one of those curious yellow inflatable objects that seems unable to decide whether its a childs toy or something with greater pretensions. It lay limply in the water.

Surely you dont mean us to use that? I asked.

Nothing wrong with it, he replied. Perfectly adequate when handled in a seaman-like manner.

At the very least, it needs to be fully inflated, I advised.

Its a mistake to over-inflate them. They firm up when you get in.

After you... I said.

With a look of steely confidence and a hint of disdain for my timidity, he stepped into the dinghys centre. The ends rose up and clasped him lovingly round the thighs.

I think, he said thoughtfully, perhaps just a little more air.

For a few glorious seconds, the ensemble maintained its unlikely state of equilibrium and then collapsed into the Hamble. I also collapsed.

Sailing from Alicante to Menorca, I anchored in a quiet bay off Tagomago Island at the north of Ibiza. I opened my book and enjoyed the peace and quiet. Whereupon a horde of small motorboats arrived, loudly playing music, drinking and boisterously having fun. My peace shattered, I was irritated. So I decided to swim in the beautiful warm water.

That was fine, until I started being attacked very painfully by jellyfish. I was far from my boat and, being near to the motorboats, I climbed up a stern ladder to the surprise of those on board.

Medusa, medusa, I explained in my best Spanish.

They said I could stay to compose myself after my panic, gave me a beer, and in truth the music took my mind off things. Half an hour later, a dinghy from another motorboat kindly rowed me back to my boat.

Somewhat sheepishly, I said Gracias and climbed on board.

My wife and I helped our friends to relaunch their boat. It was full of tools, drop cloths and bin bags. They were about to sail from Anglesey to Ireland for a wedding, on a three-week trip. I loaded their tools and bin bags into my car and wished them bon voyage.

We were excited for them because their project had taken a lot of time and money. They had all of their glad rags, wedding presents, provisions, charts, in fact everything they needed for a fabulous holiday.

They disappeared from view and I headed to the nearest municipal tip with a car load of rubbish. All was well, until the next day when they called and asked if I still had the bin bags of course, I didnt.

The phone went silent. Shortly, they explained they had run out of packing space and put all of their shoes wedding, everyday, boating and walking around, nearly their entire wardrobe of shoes in a black bag for ease of handling. They had to go shoe shopping the next day.

Many years ago now, when young and carefree, I was part of a crew with my two older brothers, sailing a Westerly GK 29 from Corsica to Cassis in the south of France. It had been a gentle sail, with nothing much to report and, being the youngest brother, of course I was given the 0200 till 0500 watch.