Jo Harman - Cricketing Allsorts: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly (and The Downright Weird)

John Wisden & Co Ltd

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First published 2017

All Out Cricket 2017

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I TEND TO THINK THAT CRICKET IS THE GREATEST THING THAT GOD CREATED ON EARTH.

HAROLD PINTER

I WANT TO PLAY CRICKET; IT DOESNT SEEM TO MATTER IF YOU WIN OR LOSE.

MEATLOAF

WHAT A WONDERFUL CURE FOR INSOMNIA.

GROUCHO MARX

Contents

BY DAVID BUMBLE LLOYD

For 50 years Ive been involved in this game, as a player, coach, commentator and fan, and it still gets me going even now. Cricket has a reputation for being a bit stuck in its ways for sure theres something in that, but you name me a sport thats changed more dramatically over the past decade. Ive followed it all my life and Im still learning new things.

For me, cricket is about enjoying yourself and playing with a smile on your face. Sure, its a serious business these days with all this money swirling around, big contracts, flash tournaments but its hardly life and death. Relax. Enjoy it. Its only cricket!

Ive always thought its best when played hard but fair, with some room for humour along the way. We saw it in the excellent 2016 Test series between England and Pakistan. Neither team gave an inch but the contest was played in the right spirit, with Misbah-ul-Haq, well into his forties, doing those press-ups at Lords after he got his hundred. Brilliant. Englands players might not have liked it but it was great theatre and the fans loved it, and thats what its all about. Or the time back in 1996, when I was coach of England, and I told our No.11 Alan Mullally who was a hopeless batsman that Id buy him 30 pints of Guinness if he made it to 30 against Wasim and Waqar. Big Al didnt quite manage it, but he did make his best Test score of 24!

Its these quirks and eccentricities that stick in the mind and make cricket special. From the outside looking in they might seem difficult to grasp, but once cricket gets its claws in you, it doesnt let go easily. This book has loads of great examples of that quirkiness, and loads of great stories involving characters Ive played with and against or commentated on.

Ive even chipped in myself, picking out my choice of the ten greatest umpires of all time. Its never been an easy gig being an umpire I should know, I tried it myself for several years and the introduction of DRS, while in theory there to help the umpires, has also made life a bit more complicated for them in some ways. Mistakes are highlighted in a way they never were when I was standing in the middle. It is nice to be able to pay tribute to the best Ive seen who did a difficult job very well indeed.

The great characters, outstanding performances and entertaining mishaps featured in this book help to sum up why I fell for the game and why, so many years later, Im still completely hooked. So sit back, put your feet up and enjoy the best, worst, ugliest and weirdest that cricket has to offer.

I AM CONFIDENT THEY PLAY CRICKET IN HEAVEN. WOULDNT BE HEAVEN OTHERWISE, WOULD IT?

PATRICK MOORE

N o game has such a high opinion of itself wrapped, of course, in all those layers of angst as the grand old knockabout they call cricket. Turfs are hallowed, whites are pristine, pavilions grand and bowlers electrifying. Theres a whole vocabulary out there, designed to assert itself not just over every other sport as if cricket should ever be compared to such things! but pretty much every other pursuit known to humankind. Witness then, over the following pages, stories of great dynasties and irresistible comebacks rubbing up perfectly well next to the best leaves, hardiest soldiers and fieriest love affairs known to cricketing humanity. Read of brutish spells and inspiring mentors, of fabulous inventions and titanic ties. Luxuriate in the greatest World Cup cameos and the finest last-wicket stands. Cricket spends almost as much time patting itself on the back as it does tearing its hair out... it really is a very troubled genius.

WHEN THAT PATCH STAYS PURPLE FOR A WHOLE SUMMER

10) TONY FROST, 2008

1,003 runs at 83.58, two centuries

Warwickshires bespectacled keeper had laid down the gloves in 2006 to pursue a career as a groundsman, bringing a decade of diligent but unspectacular service to a close. However, he was unexpectedly cajoled out of retirement when England called up Tim Ambrose. Frost scored 46 not out in his first match for two years, 90 in his next and boatloads thereafter, finishing the campaign with a career-best 242 not out. Having planned to spend his season on a lawnmower, Frosty the yeoman finished it on top of the Championship batting averages.

9) DENIS COMPTON AND BILL EDRICH, 1947

Compton: 2,003 runs at 96.80, 11 centuries; Edrich: 2,257 runs at 77.82, eight centuries

They go together in English cricket as Gilbert and Sullivan go together in English opera, wrote RC Robertson-Glasgow, and in 1947 the Middlesex pair belted out classic after classic to rewrite the record books. In all first-class cricket they scored 7,335 runs, took 140 wickets and held 66 catches between them. Middlesex won their first title for 26 years and John Robertson 2,214 runs at 65.11 was left to wonder how hed finished third in the countys batting averages.