Carol Quinn - Follow My Lead: What Training My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Love, and Happiness

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Table of Contents

To Andrea

One cant say how life is, how chance or fate deals with people, except by telling the tale.

HANNA ARENDT

May 31, 1971

On Dogs

Dont accept your dogs admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

ANN LANDERS

Any woman who does not thoroughly enjoy tramping across the country on a clear frosty morning with a good gun and a pair of dogs does not know how to enjoy life.

ANNIE OAKLEY

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

DAVE BARRY

A dog doesnt care if youre rich or poor, big or small, young or old. He doesnt care if youre not smart, not popular, not a good joke-teller, not the best athlete, nor the best-looking person. To your dog, you are the greatest, the smartest, the nicest human being who was ever born. You are his friend and protector.

LOUIS SABIN

You ask of my companions. Hills, sir, and the sundown, and a dog as large as myself that my father bought me. They are better than human beings, because they know but do not tell.

EMILY DICKINSON

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.

SAMUEL BUTLER

Dogs dont know about beginnings, and they dont speculate on matters that occurred before their time. Dogs also dont knowor at least dont acceptthe concept of death. With no concept of beginnings or endings dogs probably dont know that for people having a dog as a life companion provides a streak of light between two eternities of darkness.

STANLEY COREN

Introduction

Throughout my life, there has been one constant: dogs. Ive had good dogs, neurotic dogs, silly dogs, dumb dogs, and great dogsbut they all shared one thing in common: They each taught me something. My two Rhodesian ridgebacks, Nairobi and Sheila, were my finest teachers. Perhaps these two dogs had such a profound effect on me because of timing. I had raised two sons alone; one was already in college, and my youngest had that farawayYay! College! Freedom!look in his eye.

I believe I had the same look in my eyeat least the freedom partbut I am a nurturer at heart. When suddenly there wasnt a child relying on me for guidance, coaching, love, and affection, it was unsettling.

Enter the ridgebacks.

Though these dogs needed my love, care, and instruction, for the first time in my life I was fully able to listen to what they had to share with me.

I finally had the time to experience the extraordinary nature of dogsand the good judgment to incorporate their practical wisdom into my life.

More specifically, my dogs were ridgebacks. Rhodesian ridgebacks are the breed of dog closest to my understanding of people; theyre independent and stubborn. Bred in South Africa to track lions and to guard family farms and ranches, they are both aggressive protection animals and lazy hounds that like to nap in the sun. Ridgebacks are a bit of a conundrum; dutiful and reliable, they can also be quite silly and impulsive. One thing they are not is compliant. Their personalities remind me of intractable middle managers or headstrong artists. Ask them to sit and they will stare at you in return. It wont be an aggressive look. Its morethoughtful.

Sit? Really? Are you sure thats what you want?

In that moment before the ridgeback sitsor doesntyou are looking into the eyes of an animal that needs to decide for itself whether he or she wants to sit for you.

I can relate to that look. I have a lot in common with my ridgebacks. How interesting, then, that our obstinate, autonomous pack ended up in dog agilitythe one sport where stubbornness isnt an asset and independence will get you nowhere.

When I told a friend one day that I couldnt meet for coffee because I had an agility class, there was a long pause before he finally asked, Why? Are you stiff ?

Having ridden horses throughout my life, agility seemed exactly like a hunter jumper course, the difference being that you run beside the dog instead of sitting on the horse. Since control over the dog is limited to voice and hand signals (no leashes), the burden is on the relationship between dog and handler. At its best, when dog and handler are working in concert, the experience of teamwork can be extraordinary. It can be a total high when it goes well. When it goes badly, its awfullike dancing with a partner who keeps stepping on your toes.

Heres a description of agility from the United States Dog Agility Association:

Dog agility is a competitive sport that tests a persons skills in training and handling of dogs over a timed obstacle course. Competitors race against the clock as they direct their dogs to jump hurdles, scale ramps, burst through tunnels, traverse a see-saw and weave through a line of poles in an obstacle course configuration designed to challenge a handlers competitive and training skills. With scoring based on faults similar to equestrian show jumping, dog agility has become an exciting spectator event.

Okay, thats the technical description. But honestly, this can be a hilarious sport when things go awry on the course. There is nothing funnier than watching red-faced women and men chase their dogs, crash into obstacles, and stumble into inelegant falls. Sometimes the dog goes one way, the handler another, and they stare at one another across the fieldboth looking surprised and confused. How did you get over there?

The dogs, for their part, give their owners perplexed looks if theyre sent in the wrong direction, and look equally perplexedeven hurtif handlers act frustrated or lose their tempers. Isnt this supposed to be fun? the dogs seem to be asking.

Yes. Its supposed to be fun. But it only gets fun when you get good at it or at least get used to accepting failure and surrendering to the joy that can be found in the sheer effort of trying. To excel at agility you need to be kind, patient, clear-headed, and fairly self-deprecating. If anything goes wrong, which it usually does, its your responsibility. The dog is just following directions.

I ended up in dog agility partly because I wanted to have some fun with my young, spirited dog Nairobi. Though I wasnt conscious of it at the time, it was also an escape from a complex romantic relationship that was dominating my life. On the surface, everything was fine; my advertising agency was flourishing, I had begun work on a novel, and I was in a committed relationship with my boyfriend, Henry. But something was off. My big love was turning out to be smaller than Id hoped for. I didnt see itI felt it. Too many arguments, breakups, and strained silences had accumulated between us. I was frustrated, restless, but I ignored my feelings. When I did focus on what was happening between Henry and me, I simply vowed to try harder. I forged on. I overrode my instincts.

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