Doggy Dan - What the Dogs Taught Me About Being a Parent

M y then eight-month-old son, Stanley, was just standing there, swaying backwards and forwards and trying to keep his balance. You could see he was highly motivated from the effort hed put in simply to stand up. This was no random mission. This was his first well-planned attempt to get his hands on the stereo systems volume control.

As his little hand started to turn the dial, increasing the volume, he turned to look at me with a beautiful grin. I was determined this was not going to become a common occurrence, and so immediately cleared my throat and issued a very authoritative Stanley! No! that I had practised many times before in my mind. I had been waiting for this day. I was prepared.

Stanley paused for a split second before starting to increase the volume again. This time there was not only a beautiful grin but also a twinkle in his eye. I could see that for Stanley this was fun. Not only was he controlling the stereos volume, he was also in control of Daddys volume! He knew exactly what I was asking and exactly what he was doing. The question was: what would be my next move?

I paused for a second, took a deep breath, and said again, Stanley, no!

Well, that worked just as well as the first time. I then gave two or three more final warnings, each one louder and more authoritative than the last, before Stans ever-widening grin made it clear that this really was not working. Finally the answer struck me like a bolt of lightning I needed to apply the principles of no fear and no aggression that I explain every day to dog owners learning to train their puppies and dogs. I have never looked back.

T his is my story of how the kind and gentle puppy-and dog-training method that I teach full-time became the foundation for raising my children. The more I study how dogs communicate and function, the more I learn from them. I have applied much of this knowledge to my own life. In our hectic lives, the messages that our children and dogs give us are often too subtle to notice unless we pay careful attention. But when we spot these messages and respond appropriately, our children and dogs sparkle like polished gemstones. Its sometimes hard to believe such potential was so close to the surface all along.

This is a straight-up book on practical parenting. I decided to write this book during a regular puppy-training session at a clients house. The whole family was present Mum, Dad, three children and a little puppy, Bella. I started off in my usual fashion, explaining how the foundation of success is understanding how to make sure your puppy listens to you and respects you. We all know we must have the ear of our children or dog, but how do we achieve it without screaming, shouting and occasionally losing the plot? As I continued to work with little Bella I explained what I was doing:

First you must win your dogs mind, then can you train its body.

The proof of this was unfolding before them. During my calm and gentle training session, little Bella responded to me perfectly. She performed as if her greatest desire in life was to please. The family was fascinated, yet I also felt a slight sadness. Bella was responding to me without any force, fear or aggression. She was choosing to listen and follow my lead. Then came the words Ive heard so many times:

I wish wed known this when we were raising the children.

I looked at them and smiled; I knew they werent joking. Many of the tools, techniques and concepts that I had just explained to them were the same philosophies I was using to raise my children. It was at that moment I committed to writing this book. The training method I was outlining was in fact exactly what my clients had been looking for when raising their children. Calm, clear, gentle and without fear or aggression.

I m not a child psychologist, and the method that I will explain isnt rocket science in fact its far from that. It is simple, logical and straightforward; thats its beauty. When you realise that you hold the key, and that the answer youre looking for comes from inside, you become empowered. Unfortunately we live in a world that is often over-complicated, a world in which there seems to be less and less room for common sense, intuition and instinct.

Growing up in Newcastle, in the northeast of England, my goal was always to help people with whatever work I did. Now a full-time professional dog trainer in Auckland, New Zealand, Im achieving this by motivating people to change their own behaviour in order to achieve a positive change in their dogs behaviour.

These days the phone doesnt stop ringing with people needing urgent help with everything dog-related: from aggressive dogs and uncontrollable puppies to excessive barking and anxiety-related issues. By the time the family contacts me, theyre often at the end of their tether, ready to give the dog away. Sometimes the dog is also in desperate need of help, and needs saving from its owners!

The method I use when working with dogs is endorsed by the New Zealand SPCA, and my video website assists dog owners all over the world. Nothing beats receiving an email of thanks from a stranger whose life has been changed due to my work, or meeting a happy dog years after working with it when it was still a troublesome puppy. Being able to give back and help others is one of lifes greatest blessings.

Its awesome when I see owners make changes to their own belief systems and watch the benefits filtering through to their working and personal lives as well as their relationship with their dogs.

My belief is that inside every dog is a good dog and inside every good dog is a great dog. Similarly, I believe that inside every child is a good child and inside every good child is a great child. First, though, you have to understand your child or dog, and to do that you have to see things through their eyes.

I have spent years modifying behaviours in dogs. My method is based firstly on being a calm, gentle pack leader, and avoiding the use of fear and aggression in training. I chat with many clients about the similarities between raising children and training dogs; however it was only when my first child was born that everything fell into place for me. It became immediately apparent that in fact the majority of what I taught in my dog training could be applied to raising my children. Not only has my dog-training method been at the core of my approach to parenting, but becoming a parent has also brought me closer to dogs. It has made me realise how similar we are and how we can actually learn so much about ourselves through them.