Erik Torkells - A Stingray Bit My Nipple!: True Stories from Real Travelers

A Stingray Bit My Nipple! copyright 2008 by Newsweek Budget Travel, Inc. All rights reserved. Printed in China. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. For information, write Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC, an Andrews McMeel Universal company, 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106.

E-ISBN: 978-0-7407-8898-7

Library of Congress Control Number: 2007934962

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Introduction

Every traveler knows: The best memories come from moments when your trip is less than postcard-perfect. Like that time in South Africa when an impala tried to hump you. Or when your hair caught on fire in a church in Venice. Or when a stingray in Grand Cayman spit in your faceor worse, bit your nipple.

As we say in every issue of Budget Travel magazine, Travel is stranger, funnier, and more heartwarming than fictionand nothing proves it like the anecdotes in our True Stories section, the best of which have been collected in this book.

Readers often say that True Stories is their favorite part of the magazine. As the editor, Im not supposed to have a favorite sectionbut truth be told, mine is True Stories, too. I just get such a kick out of how people are willing not only to laugh at themselves, but also to allow themselves to be laughed at. When we travel, we aim for the sublime. Its the ridiculous stuff, however, that we tend to treasure the most.

Erik Torkells

Shes got trunk in the junk

In the jungles of Nepals Royal Chitwan National Park, my friend and I were invited to bathe with an elephant in the river that flowed directly in front of our guesthouse. The guesthouse owner told me to grab the elephants ear with my left hand and the other ear with my right hand. Then he smoothed out the elephants trunk so it curved downward, ending near my feet. Step on its trunk and itll flip you onto its back, he said. I grasped the animals rough, hairy ears and placed one trembling foot on its trunk. Next thing I knew, my crotch was smothering the elephants face! My friends were too busy laughing to offer any help.

Anna Wexler
Cambridge, Mass.

In Panama, while driving from Panama City to the coast, my wife and I crossed paths with a three-toed sloth that decided it needed to cross the road. As we watched it slowly make progress (and thats being generous), we opted to give the Muppet-like creature a hand. After cautiously carrying the sloth across the highway, we said our good-byes and continued our drive looking for wildlife on the Pan-American Highway.

Jacob Jones
Poulsbo, Wash.

My fiance and I happened upon two beautiful geishas in traditional garb standing outside a temple in Kyoto, Japan. We were commenting on how exciting it was to see them when all of a sudden they stopped talking to each other, pulled cell phones out from their kimonos, and started sending text messages to their friends!

Donny Chu
Alameda, Calif.

So thats where Dad is

Requesting information for our visit, my husband was e-mailing the North Fort Myers Chamber of Commerce when the spell-checker questioned the word accommodations. Not noticing his mouse slip, he chose abominations to replace it. The reply made us laugh: Thank you for inquiring about the best kept vacation secret in Florida. I guess the only abomination we have is a crusty old man who continues to fish off the bridge downtown in his long johns. But we are working with him. Do come and enjoy!

Sheree Hobson
Portland, Ore.

In the Algarve region of Portugal, my husband and I encountered three old men on a park bench. I wanted a photo, so I sat between them and tried to make conversation, indicating that we were from Detroit, Michigan, the U.S.anything they might recognize. The man next to me began speaking Portuguese and then placed a hand on my chest. I listened until I felt that I could politely walk away. Afterward, my husband asked if we should offer them something for being photographed. No, I replied, I think theyve been duly compensated.

Sue Foote
Harrison Township, Mich.

We decided to go without hotel reservations while touring France for three weeks for our 25th wedding anniversary. This was no problem until a Friday night in Provence. Finally, we gave up searching for a room and simply asked the proprietor of La Petite Auberge if we could sleep in our car in her parking lot. Aghast, she insisted we stay for dinner while she created suitable accommodations. The staff hauled a rug, a foam mattress, and bedding to her gravel-floored garage. The hospitality was so endearing that we stayed a second night (in one of the conventional rooms).

Cyndee Boyvey and Al Brown
Seminole, Fla.

Hes probably never even seen one

I met a pair of Iranian mena businessman and his translatorwhile inside a store in China. You look like an Iranian woman, the translator said. Well, thank you, I replied, not exactly sure how to react. Ill take that as a compliment. Looking me up and down, he said, No, dont.

Joelle Broberg
Littleton, Colo.

Upon completing a round of golf in Chiang Mai, Thailand, I asked my playing partners caddy if shed take a photo of my caddy and me. Neither caddy spoke English, and both were under five feet tall. This is how the photo turned out.

Glenn F. Tonoli
Hacienda Heights, Calif.