Ann Campanella - Motherhood: Lost and Found

by

Ann Campanella

SMASHWORDS EDITION

* * * * *

PUBLISHED BY:

Divine Phoenix with Pegasus Books inconjunction with

The Bridge on Smashwords

Motherhood: Lost and Found

Copyright 2016 by Ann Campanella

All rights reserved. Without limiting therights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publicationmay be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system,or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic,mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without theprior written permission of both the copyright owner and the abovepublisher of this book.

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personalenjoyment only. This eBook may not be resold or given away to otherpeople. If you would like to share this eBook with another person,please purchase an additional copy for each person you share itwith. If you are reading this eBook and did not purchase it, or itwas not purchased for your use only, then you should return toSmashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respectingthe author's work.

ISBN: 9781370041145

Comments about Motherhood: Lost and Found regarding speaking engagements, book orders or authorcorrespondence may be addressed to Ann Campanella directlyat www.anncampanella.com .

This book is a work ofnonfiction. Some names and identifyingdetails have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensurethat the information in this book was correct at press time, theauthor and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim anyliability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption causedby errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions resultfrom negligence, accident, or any other cause.

Copyright 2016 by Ann Campanella

Cover photo: Juha Reiman/Cartina

Cover photo editing and enhancement: ScottFoster

Cover design consultant: Bill Williams

All rights reserved. Written permission mustbe secured from the publisher to use or reproduce any part of thisbook.

Portions of this memoirwere originally published in different form in Todays Charlotte Woman, A Cup of Comfort for Loved Ones ofPeople with Alzheimers, A Cup of Comfort for MilitaryFamilies and Sports in the Carolinas: From Death Valley to TobaccoRoad.

Authors Note

This book is a work of creative nonfiction.Some of the names of people and organizations in this story havebeen changed along with identifying details in order to protecttheir privacy. While Ive tried to portray the events as accuratelyas possible, at times I condensed conversations or summarizedscenes. My family and I share many memories, but anyinconsistencies or errors in this story are mine alone.

Produced in the United States of America

Published by

Divine Phoenix with Pegasus Books inconjunction with The Bridge

The Bridge

Huntersville, NC

www.TheBridgeBooks.com

Ann Campanellas Motherhood: Lost and Found is a chronicle of family tragedy and triumph told in some ofthe most truly lyrical writing youll ever encounter. She writes ofgrief and loss with heart wrenching honesty but withoutsentimentality then adds humor in such unexpected places I foundmyself laughing and crying all on the same page. This is the bestmemoir Ive read in years....

- Judith Minthorn Stacy , authorof Maggie Sweet

winner of the Carolina Novel Award

The book is about... thelove of a family... and how that love sustained them during a longand painful crisis, and how Anns relationship with her husbandJoel was deepened and enriched by that crisis, and how threegenerations are better than two. Motherhood: Lost and Found has muchto teach us all as human beings.

- Anthony (Tony) Abbott , authorof Leaving Maggie Hope

winner of the Novello Festival Press BookAward

A sensitive, in-depthstudy of one womans slow descent into Alzheimers as detailed byher daughter, Motherhood: Lost andFound involves us in the dynamic of amulti-generational family as well as the authors own story:horses, poetry, three terrible miscarriages, and in her 41st year,a final miracle.

- Maxine Kumin , Pulitzer Prize winningpoet

Ann Campanellas Motherhood: Lost and Found records the ordinary and extraordinary courage of those whomust endure debilitating, even crushing illness and those who mustsuffer with them while they do so. Here is bravery, patience,reconciliation, and -- at long last -- hope. I found this storyvaluable in an intensely personal way. I think others readers willfind it so too.

- Fred Chappell , former Poet Laureateof North Carolina

As I read, my heart breaks and re-forms andbreaks again... What a book!

- Lyn Warren , owner of Les Yeux duMonde Art Gallery

It is the gift of a lifetime. Nothing Ihave ever read has affected me more deeply or made me more thankfulthat I am alive. You have made your place... into your place onearth. And you have welcomed usall of usinto itThrough your book, you have made it ours. The voice in the book isconstant. Faithful, I should say You have delved into the scarcestmoments and found the Abiding. Something as fundamental asfireand earth and water and air. As death and love, as death andlove and death and love again.

- Mike Martin , writer andartist

...At the heart of Ann Campanellas booklies the universal heartbeat of the human experience: love, dreams,suffering, hope, and tragedy. What Ann offers through the artistryof her words is a model of faithful perseverance. This is abeautifully written story that inspires me on my ownjourney--precisely what I need.

- Pat Conley , EpiscopalPriest

I was so deeply touchedby this memoir. Anyone with children or aging parents will be movedby this searingly honest story. Ann struggled with infertility atthe same time she was trying to care for her mother withAlzheimers. In a clear-eyed way, she explores how her familynavigated the suffering caused by her mothers illness, and her ownheartbreak of multiple miscarriages. Every sentence is beautifullycrafted, with a poets attention to detail. The images areindelible, and in the end, the reader is completely uplifted bylove and hope.

• Lisa WillliamsKline , author of Eleanor Hill

Winner of the North Carolina JuvenileLiterature Award

For Joel and Sydney

and

for my siblings

***

In memory of my mother

who taught me to love words

and the spaces between them

A portrait of my mother,

Elizabeth Seelye Williams,

on the eve of motherhood

And in memory of Crimson

March 30, 1983 Feb. 14, 2003

A cold front moves across the piedmont ofNorth Carolina. The wind lifts my horses mane from his neck,causing us both to shiver. He stands like a statue as I mount. Hisears are alert, catching the sound of stray leaves being strippedfrom trees. The sky is clear, but the sun feels farther away thanusual. In another hour, darkness will fall and frigid air willsweep across the fields, the ground below the ring will begin toharden, and a layer of ice will form on the puddles left behindfrom last nights rain. I urge Crimson forward, feel the lift ofeach hind leg as he walks.