G . P . PUTNAM S SONS
Publishers Since 1838
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Group (USA) LLC
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York 10014
USA Canada UK Ireland Australia New Zealand India South Africa China
penguin.com
A Penguin Random House Company
Copyright 2015 by Ann Imig
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
Each selection is the copyrighted property of its respective author and appears in this volume by arrangement with the individual writer. The selections by the following writers appeared in digital format, some in slightly different form: Wendi Aarons, Jennifer Ball, Stacey Conner, Haddayr Copley-Woods, Greta Funk, Michelle Cruz Gonzales, Lea Grover, Ann Imig, Nancy Davis Kho, Jenny Lawson, Jenifer Joy Madden, Jennifer Newcomb Marine, Marinka, Barbara Patrick, Ruth Pennebaker, Sheila Quirke, Robyn Rasberry, Alexandra Rosas, Liz Joynt Sandberg, Robert Shaffron, Mery Smith, Meggan Sommerville, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, Katie Wise.
The Cookie Jar was adapted from Some Nerve: Lessons Learned While Becoming Brave by Patty Chang Anker, copyright 2013 by Patty Chang Anker. Used by permission of Riverhead Books, an imprint of Penguin Group (USA) LLC. A Year at the Lake by Jenny Fiore originally appeared in somewhat different form in Brain, Child magazine. Prepare to Be Judged. And Possibly Stabbed. copyright 2010 by Jenny Lawson. Reprinted by permission of Jenny Lawson. More Than an Aunt, Less Than a Mom was originally published in Mommy Man: How I Went From Mild-Mannered Geek to Gay Superdad by Jerry Mahoney. Copyright 2014 by Jerry Mahoney. Used by permission of Taylor Trade Publishing. Matryoshka Dolls by Mary Jo Pehl originally appeared in somewhat different form in Minnesota magazine. Not a Princess by Vikki Reich originally appeared in somewhat different form in The Huffington Post. I Felt Like Something was originally published in Once I Was Cool by Megan Stielstra. Copyright 2014 by Megan Stielstra. Used by permission of Curbside Splendor Publishing. A portion of I Was Raised by Lesbians by Jennifer Weiner was published in somewhat different form as I Was Raised by Wolves in Glamour magazine.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Listen to your mother : what she said then, what were saying now / edited by Ann Imig.
P. cm.
ISBN 978-0-698-15764-4
1. MotherhoodLiterary collections. 2. MothersLiterary collections. 3. ParentingLiterary collections. I. Imig, Ann, editor.
PN6071.M7L56 2015 2014040674
808.8'03520431dc23
While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.
Version_1
For my dear mom, Nancy Feingold
CONTENTS
FOREWORD
ANN IMIG
Founder and National Director, Listen to Your Mother
L isten to Your Mother: Its a clich, its the fifth commandment, and its an imperative for curbing children young and old from poor life choices like jaywalking and sixty-four-ounce sodas. Because I am a mother myself, the word listen looms largest in the phrase, and not only due to my constant attempts to redirect my childrens faces from a screen to my eyes, to hear my words, for the love of God. I listen for and seek out the wisdom in my mothers words. In the glorious moments when my mom friends and I get a reprieve from patrolling our young, meting out sustenance, and Tetrising our family schedules, we listen to one anothers truths, and to the experiences we share as women navigating motherhood, daughterhoodand, well, peoplehood in general.
Listening, in fact, makes for effective motheringwhether we heed advice passed down from our grandmothers, obey a parent, attend to a child, companion a loved one through a difficult time, or expand our experience of the world through the simple act of hearing someone elses story. Listening forges bonds between people, strengthens connections, and builds community.
Listen to Your Mother is also a spoken word phenomenona live-staged reading series born of women who write online and now sweeping the nations stages, leaping from the Internet to podiums across the country in community celebrations. Listen to Your Mother gives motherhood a microphone, voicing the realities of mothers and mothering, of non-moms and caretakers, of sons and daughtersmany of whom never considered themselves writers or performerswith stories so urgent they press from the hearts of people to the page and then to the LTYM stage, a small selection of which return again to the page, here in this book.
Geographically speaking, modern motherhood has become more isolating than ever, finding many parents without the benefit of extended family living under one roof or even in the same city. For some, the Internet likely feels as revolutionary as the first long-distance calls must have felt generations agoconnecting us with catharsis, commiseration, information, support, and, best of all, laughter, at any hour and from the comfort of our own homes.
Thanks to the Internet, however, now we need only Google parenting keywords like special needs, single parents, or my four-year-old growls at anyone who says hello to him, and might find ourselves less alone by forming connections through reading blogs as varied in topic as the aisles in any bookstore. We create online peer-support networks, chat over virtual cocktails, and collaborate in online writing groups. Some of those connections bloom into confidants and friends. For some of us, writing through our days and nights, we not only make pen pals, we also find encouragement and inspiration, sometimes leading to professional connections and even careers.
My mothering coming-of-age coincided with the mom-blogging boom. My husband traveled constantly for work, and parenting a baby and preschooler alone through six-month-long Wisconsin winters (plus crib sheets, times stomach viruses) drove me to desperation. I took solace in squeezing humor from my sleep-deprived stay-at-home existence, and found comfort in writing through the chaos of a daily obstacle course that often started with a child poking me awake by my armpit stubble before 5:00 a.m., and by 5:00 p.m. found me laid prone on our Lego-strewn shag rug, allowing my darling sons to quite literally walk all over me. I shared my stories first with friends over e-mail, and then by staking out a little Internet carrel of my owna blog that I named