Small Steps
with
Paws and Hooves
A Highland Journey
SPUD TALBOT- PONSONBY
SMALL STEPS WITH PAWS AND HOOVES
This edition published 2010
First published in 1998 as Small Steps with Heavy Hooves
Second edition published in 2001
Copyright Spud Talbot-Ponsonby 1998
The right of Spud Talbot-Ponsonby to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
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Acknowledgements
My thanks go to everyone who looked after us during the Grampian trip, especially the Gammack family; Simon at Invercauld; Robs Mum and Dad; Bea at Invermark; Eric and Cathy; Jim at the Drovers Inn; Frances at Peel Farm; the proprietor of the Bridge of Cally Hotel; Dick and Marjorie at West Gormack. Also thanks to Philip at Lee Valley Saddlery.
Thank you to everyone who donated money to the charities (Maggies Centre, NSPCC and Children 1st). The total raised was 3,600.
A big thank you goes to Sophie, for her companionship, good humour and perspective.
Thanks from my heart go to all the people who ultimately made the trip possible, to everyone who rallied around when I was pregnant and after the cancer diagnosis, especially the Scott-Watson family for giving me love and enormous support from the time I moved to their farm; the Hughes family, especially Madge; Fiona for being the best birth partner; Jo, Sue, Gail and Gaynor for their invaluable friendships, my GP for catching the cancer early and the doctors and consultants who treated me, especially Eunice the ward Sister; the Macmillan nurses for funding Susan; Susan for looking after us all; Marion for being there; everyone at Maggies Centre; Ffyona Campbell for saying the right things at the right time; the many other friends and family who kept me going thank you.
My love and thanks go to the people closest to me, though distance doesnt always make it easy: my sisters Charles and PC who dropped everything and came to be brilliant when I was ill; my other sister, Poopa, who was there in spirit if not in person and who gave me the recuperating holiday in the Seychelles; my unique father, Pops, whose hand I reach out for still; and lastly Rob, for his endless patience, love and encouragement during the cancer ordeal, the Grampian trip and the writing of this book.
Thank you Tess and Ben, two great friends.
Thank you to Barnie, the greatest gift.
World Health Organisations definition of health:
A state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr
Contents
Foreword
Everyone has their own way with coping with the obstacles that life throws in their path. Some events are more difficult to come to terms with than others being diagnosed as having cancer is one of them.
Spud was a single mother living in the Scottish Borders and was diagnosed with cancer when her son, Barnie, was only four months old. After undergoing a hysterectomy to remove the cancer as well as any hope that she would ever have more children Spud attempted to come to terms with the emotional and physical scars left by the disease.
As an avid walker who had already walked round the entire coastline of mainland Britain (4,500 miles), Spuds natural means of attempting to come to terms with the changes taking place in her life was to go on a walk. However, this was no ordinary walk but a remarkable journey with her unorthodox family following the old Scottish drove roads, steeped in history and whisky, across the Grampian Mountains of northeast Scotland. Entwined with the delightful travelogue is the story of a much harder journey. Often funny, sometimes sad but always disarmingly honest, Spud describes the events that brought her on this Highland journey. Anyone who has suffered from cancer, or knows someone who has, will be able to relate to the enormous effect that the disease can have on your life the fear, the taboo, the uncertainty of the future, the resolutions. Having fought cancer myself, and made a comeback to racing fitness, I can relate to the intensity of that feeling. Small Steps is much more than a travel book. It is a book that should be read by mothers as well as anyone who has suffered illness or has been through difficult times. Spuds brave and insightful account of this walk back to health will give entertainment, comfort and inspiration to many.
Bob Champion
Preface
In July 1994 I stood on Tower Bridge in an euphoric moment of achievement. I had joined a select band of people who have walked the entire length of Britains coast, and respect showed in the eyes of those around me. I thought I had undertaken the journey of a lifetime. How wrong I was. Two years later I became pregnant, was left by the father, gave birth to my son and, four months later, was diagnosed with cancer. These events were to take me on an emotional journey which involved more pain, tears and fatigue than walking Britains coast ever could. In an effort to come to terms with all this, I did what felt best and went for a walk. In September 1997 my family and I undertook a journey of catharsis across the Grampian mountain range. Before the reader goes any further, my family, described by some as unorthodox, needs some clarification.
The Family
The first confusion arises because my dog is called Tess, I am called Spud, and everyone thinks it should be the other way around. To overcome this, we have become each others alter ego and share names accordingly. But remember: Tess is the one with four legs, a tail and no inhibitions.
On 23 June 1996 Tess and I were joined by Barnaby Benjamin. His father had long since decided to jump pregnancy, and Tess became surrogate sibling and part-time baby-sitter. Four weeks later Ben the horse arrived, and the boys were soon sharing names as frequently as Tess and I.
Then came Rob, the only person willing and able to take on the family in all its muddle. Miraculously he seems to have clung on to his name, at least for the time being.