Hagan - Not Quite a Geordie – The Autobiography of Geordie Shore’s Holly Hagan

Im fake, Im flirty, Ive got double FFs and I want to be famous!

F or as long as I can remember Ive always wanted to be a somebody. Ive always felt like I had all the ingredients to be a ready-made star; all you needed to do was add water. Or, in my case, vodka!

But I couldnt inherit fame from my parents, and I didnt really possess any special talents. I always knew that if I wanted to get my name out there then I would have to become a man-made celebrity created by the media, similar to my idol, Katie Price.

Ive always admired Katie, not just because of her looks but also her ability to market herself well. Nowadays, thats all that seems to count. Shes rebellious in a way that appeals to people. They cant get enough of her and thats something Ive always strived for.

Of course I didnt know when I was younger that I would wind up on a reality TV show, but as soon as I saw an opportunity to be a part of that world I grabbed it with both hands. All my life Ive been a fan of those American TV shows, so much so that I even nicknamed my boobs Heidi and Audrina after the two stars of the reality series, The Hills.

So when I heard the concept for a new series featuring people from my area, the north-east of England, I knew Id found my calling. This show was to be my way to fame and fortune. I could feel it. And luckily for me, the stars aligned just at the right time. I was picked to be one of the eight new housemates on the new, no-holds-barred reality show called Geordie Shore.

Back then I didnt know it but life would never be the same. I was about to launch a career in the media spotlight, but it came at a cost: I had to give up the right to privacy and share intimate details of my life as entertainment for the masses. Nothing was off limits, not even sex.

My life was to be offered up to millions to be commented on, critiqued and even ripped apart. And when I wasnt parading on TV, I was expected to tweet about myself round the clock, like a lifelogger. No part of me could be kept hidden in the dark anymore. For me, its like theres no distinction between public and private.

Its not for everyone. There is much more to life than fame and just because I chose this lifestyle, that doesnt mean you should, too. Im not a role model and never wanted to be.

But even though I have laid myself bare on TV, quite literally, you only get to see Holly from Geordie Shore, the man-made celebrity edited by a production crew. You dont really know who I am or where Ive come from, which is why Ive decided to write this book.

If youve seen me on the show, one thing youll already know is that Im brutally honest. I will not hold back when it comes to speaking my mind, so dont expect me to sugar-coat anything now. Everything Im about to tell you is the truth, the way it actually happened, even the parts Im embarrassed to admit.

You might think you know what Im about from watching all seven series of Geordie Shore, but you only see what we allow you to see. Ill tell you straight up what goes on behind the scenes, how much is fudged for the audience and what I really think of the other housemates.

My story isnt exactly a pretty one. In fact, it should come with an 18-rating. Theres violence, cruelty, sex and a lot of swearing. But stories that are not pretty have a certain value, I suppose.

Everything, as you well know having lived in this world long enough to figure a thing or two out for yourself cant always be sweetness and light. Even in my tender twenty-one years on this earth, Ive been through and seen more things than most people my age. Ive travelled to all corners of the earth and had a mint time doing it.

So leave your prejudgements at the door because Im inviting you to get to know me, the real me, and perhaps then you can make your own mind up because what you see is not what you get. Im fake, Im flirty and I have got double FFs, but Im not quite like you see onscreen. Im not quite famous and Im not always the boozy, promiscuous lass youd expect. And Im not quite a Geordie. In fact, Im not a Geordie at all!

Happy reading,

Love Holly x

Chapter One