Rebecca Newton - Authentic Gravitas: Who Stands Out and Why

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR

Authentic Gravitas

We need more leaders with gravitaspeople who are authentic, humble, and wise. Rebecca is one of a rare bread, a business psychologist as well as a genuine scholarher book is full of practical wisdom and academic insight on how gravitas can be nurtured.

Alexander Sandy Pepper, professor of Management Practice, London School of Economics and Political Science

Authentic gravitas is not about power or position but about how to lead with character and dignity. This book will certainly challenge your thinking and hopefully your behavior, as it has mine. A must-read.

Flip Flippen, chairman of The Flippen Group and New York Times bestselling author of The Flip Side

Rebecca dispels the myth of that mythical something that few people seem to possess but we all seek to have: to have weight, value, influence; to catch and keep the attention of others. Delving into what makes gravitas, and the personal beliefs and habits that get in the way of embodying it, Rebecca helps the reader realize that gravitas, which is seemingly innate, spontaneous, and effortless in those who have it, is actually the result of practice and preparation. Rebeccas book is a guide to being who we are, in the best way possible.

Julie Okada, managing director, Duke Corporate Education

A must-read for leaders who want to bring out the best in themselves and their people. The robust tools in this book will help you to identify practical ways to drive value and make a significant, meaningful impact.

Heidi K. Gardner, author of Smart Collaboration and distinguished scholar, Harvard Law School

Authentic Gravitas gives leaders a practical roadmap to achieve two things: a way to be much more effective in how they communicate; and, at the same time, a way to do this that is true to who they are. Every leader I know should read this book.

Elsbeth Johnson, PhD, senior lecturer, MIT Sloan School of Management

It is great to see a book that gets to the heart of what it means to influence well and how to do it. A must-read.

James Prior, global head of leadership, Oncology, Novartis

Full of thought-provoking ideas and practical gems that will help you build gravitas and make you a stronger leader.

Hsern-Wei Ling, executive director, Learning and Development, PwC Malaysia

An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC penguinrandomhouse.com Copyright 2019 by Newton Taylor Ltd. Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader. TarcherPerigee with tp colophon is a registered trademark of Penguin Random House LLC. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Newton, Rebecca Lianne, author. Title: Authentic gravitas : who stands out and why / Rebecca Newton, PhD. Description: New York : TarcherPerigee, [2019] | Includes bibliographical references and index. Identifiers: LCCN 2018049580| ISBN 9780143132080 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780525503828 (ebook) Subjects: LCSH: Self-presentation. | Respect. | Dignity. | Leadership. Classification: LCC BF697.5.S44 N49 2019 | DDC 155.2--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018049580 Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. Version_2

To Saskia, Sam, and Amlie

Thank you for reminding me every day, in your own little ways, the power of courage, curiosity,
and most of all,
uncontrollable laughter.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

The view from the top-floor meeting room of the London office was spectacular on this remarkably sunny day. Red buses, black cabs, old buildings, bustling sidewalks, and an endless skyline set the scene for my early morning coaching session with a partner of an established professional services firm. After a fairly lengthy discussion about what areas were most important to his personal development, Jonathan leaned in and quietly said to me, Do you know what I really need? I need more... Seeing his struggle to find the right word, I offered, Gravitas? Yes! I need more gravitas! he exclaimed, appearing relieved at just being able to pinpoint and label this thing he felt was missing from his otherwise successful career.

As an organizational psychologist who has spent twenty years coaching professionals and facilitating leadership development programs, I have had the immense privilege of hearing clients share their most intimate personal development goals. One of the most frequent requests I receive is to help them develop more gravitas. At the same time, theres a palpable sense of disbelief that gravitas is something that is actually obtainableat least for them. But when we explore further, we discover that its not standing out in the room for the sake of being noticed that they really wantits to be valued . What theyre after is to be respected and trusted, and to be worthy of that respect and trust; to stand out for making a positive, significant impact in their immediate sphere of influence. But they want to stand out as themselves, holding true to their own values, rather than pretending to be someone else or simply copying anothers style: I still want to be me.

Weve all been in a room with a group of people talking and throwing around their ideas and opinions, discussing and debating the best way forward. Then one person says something and it seems like everyone stops, leans in to listen, and considers what this person is saying. Its as if their opinion carries more weight, or theres some kind of pull toward them in the room that makes everyone take note. Theyre able to pause midsentence and nobody jumps in to fill the silence. Its not that theyre necessarily more senior or experienced, louder or more soft-spoken, more motivating or more somber, more serious or more upbeat than anyone else. Yet their words, their opinions, their ideas carry weight. They have an intangible quality: Theres just something about them .

Throughout this book, you will meet some truly inspiring leaders and professionals who built authentic gravitas, and you will learn how they did it. Well look at what gravitas is, what it isnt, and debunk the gravitas myths to discover the surprising truth about who stands out and why. This book is for professionals who want to increase their own gravitas, and for leaders looking to help others around them to grow their gravitas. It matters to me personally because through leadership and professional development programs, and particularly in coaching, Ive discovered time and time again that it really matters to my clients. Its often a genuine concern, not necessarily overwhelming, but a consistent niggleone that theyre not always comfortable talking about openly, but that they feel holds them back from having the impact they desire. And theyre not sure what to do about it. It can be frustrating, exhausting, even debilitating to experience the quiet burden of feeling that you lack gravitas. This book is designed to empower you (and those you lead) with the knowledge that you can develop gravitas, and to equip you with practical tried-and-true tools to do so. My goal is to break down something that is seemingly intangible into a quality you can develop, while at the same time staying true to you.

Often people feel they have gravitas in their regular working life, the day in, day out interactions with colleagues, clients, and associates they know well, but when giving a speech or presentation, they seem to lose all confidence. It can be extremely disheartening, knowing that in real life youre better than how you show up in meetings and presentations. For others, they feel they have gravitas in those big moments, but they may lose it in some of their day-to-day challenges with colleagues. Either way, its annoying to think, If only I could just be myself and not lose my cool in those critical moments. My intention in this book is to help you do just thatto be more of yourself, and as such, to have more authentic gravitas, whether in informal one-on-one conversations with a colleague or in your most formal meetings and presentations. It is possible to intentionally build skills to ensure your best real self is coming acrosseven, or especially, in your most pressure-filled moments.

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