Jean Kearns Miller - Women From Another Planet?: Our Lives in the Universe of Autism

Women From
Another
Planet?

Our Lives in the Universe of Autism

Jean Kearns Miller, Editor

A Dancing Mind Book

AuthorHouse

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: 1 (800) 839-8640

Cover art by Daina Krumins

2003, 2015 by Jean Kearns Miller. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 11/17/2015

ISBN: 978-1-4107-3431-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4107-3432-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2003091906

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Remembering Autistic Women
Patricia E. Clark

Remembering Autistic Women
Debbie Storey

Beginnings
Ava Ruth Baker

Differences
Ava Ruth Baker

Different on the Inside
Susan Golubock

Social Skills or Being Oneself?
Susan Golubock

I Wish
Sola Shelly

The Perils of Diagnosis (Or How I Became Bipolar?)
Patricia Clark

Coming Alive in a World of Texture
Daina Krumins

Nothing but a Flower
Sola Shelly

AS Paradox: Rational Anger
Jane Meyerding

Fantasy Realm
April Masilamani

Jewels and Tools
Sola Shelly

Walking the Labyrinth
Jean Kearns Miller

Albert Shea
Jean Kearns

The Personas
April Masilamani

Wandering Has Its Advantages
Kim Motola

Three Poems
C.J.

I Dont Remember Signing up for
This Planet
Mary Margaret Britton Yearwood

How I Feel Tonight
Mary Margaret Britton Yearwood

The Savant
Wendy Peabody

Cartwheels and Silent Tantrums
Susan Golubock

Ill Never Make Eraser Balls
Kimberly Tucker

How I Acquired the Name Cry-Over-an-Apple
Coa

Scenes from a Perverse Girlhood
Jean Kearns Miller

How I Came to Understand (In My Own Way) The Neurotypical World
Daina Krumins

Adolescence: The Beginning of the End
April Masilamani

Coming of Age
Susan Golubock

Turning Thirty
C. J.

Growing up Genderless
Jane Meyerding

The Boy from Bible Study
Morgan Allgood

Love, Sex, and The Thing That Makes Sense
April Masilamani

No Heartbreak
Sola Shelly

Post-Dialogue
Sola Shelly

In Search of the Friendship Formula
Gail Pennington

My Governess
Daina Krumins

Mommie Wyrdest
Jean Kearns Miller

On Being an Aspie Mother
Morgan Allgood

Solitary, Solo Motherhood
Coa

Mother at Odds
Sola Shelly

Domestic Bliss?
Susan Golubock

Scenes from the Rubble
Jean Kearns Miller

Cause Its Friday
Kimberly Tucker

Birth from the Other Side (Or Alone Doesnt Always Equal Lonely)
Coa

Scenes from a Car Wash
Jean Kearns Miller

Bus Routes and Lifting Machines: A Life of Obsessions and Routines
Marla Comm

Social Dyslexia
Jane Meyerding

Rape
Coa

The Personas
April Masilamani

Public Recognition
Mary Margaret Britton Yearwood

Fame
Jane Meyerding

On Being a Woman
Gail Pennington

Epilogue:
I Am Me Toni Sano

Contributing Edi tors

Ava Ruth B aker

Daina Kru mins

Jane Meyer ding

Sola Sh elly

I offer my deepest thanks to the contributing editors, first, Dr. Ava Baker and Sola Shelly, who communicated between Tel Aviv and Christchurch, NZ to do the work of analyzing and interpreting the online discussions that took place among the women who originated this book. These contributing editors work is unique and insightful, elucidating the DSM criteria in concrete terms and illustrating the power of online discussion in the making of knowledge. Solas work is also important in conveying her autistic experience in vivid poetic form. I thank Jane Meyerding especially for her sharp editorial eye and literary wisdom. As well, Janes own articles do a wonderful job of conceptualizing key features of autistic female experience. Finally, I thank Daina Krumins, especially for the haunting cover design, but also for her practical advice and inventive prose. The work of these four women accounts for much of this books success.

I owe very much to the women who participated in years of discussion about the book and about our lives on the autism spectrum. Our extended conversation began early in 1999, four years before publication. Many of the participants have individual works in the anthology portion of the book and you will find them listed among contributors at the end of the book.

My gratitude goes to various muses along the way: to Mary Margaret BrittonYearwood for helping keep me sane, more or less; to Martha Kate Downey for her friendship, constancy, and amazing example; to the adult autism support lists for an accumulated wealth of insight: theyve nurtured and birthed: InLv, AS-GIRLS, ANI-L; to fellow neuroAtypicals, Charles Avinger, Martha Held, Max Gibson, Angela Meador, and Mary Bogart for making me feel inspired and less alone. Finally, gratitude goes to Lisa Veasey who introduced me to the world of independent publishing.

I am grateful to my family, my husband, Bernie Miller, and my children, Adrian and Cassandra Miller, who were in high school while I worked on the book. They were uncomplaining about my long absences in the back room where I worked obsessively with the text.

I am fortunate to have had three marvelous writing teachers who taught me everything I know about prose style and editorial sense. The first, Janice Lauer, a long time friend, was my major professor at Marygrove College during my college years in the late 1960s, and reprised that role when I studied in the doctoral program in rhetoric and composition at Purdue University, 20 years later. The late Winston Weathers, was a mentor and friend in the graduate program in rhetoric and writing at the University of Tulsa. At Tulsa, I had the privilege of studying novel writing under the late British novelist, Paul Scott. How lucky I am to have had such formidable teachers.

I owe special gratitude to the autism spectrum women whose memoirs had already been published by 2003. To mention any would be to leave noteworthy authors out. Not only did they inspire but their work also helped the participants in this book project to define our different purpose and scope.

I cant tell you how grateful I am to the many who have purchased the first edition. You took a chance on the book at a time when I had neither the financial nor personal resources to market it. Many of you reached a secondary set of readers by selling the book, or lending or giving it away. What a wonderful readership you are!

Jean Kearns Miller, Milan, Michigan, USA. November 17, 2015

Dedicated to

Women in the universe of autism

everywhere:

officially diagnosed or self-diagnosed

living independently or with supports

low or high functioning

aware of their AS

or

still searching for their truth.

Removing the Tarnish

Schu yler

Some people are granted a silver platter. They take it for granted, and toss it around carelessly scratching the surface, throwing it at people, and not taking care of what it is and its beauty. Others are handed a dirty old stainless steel trashcan. They work with it carefully scrubbing away at the surface finding the small dints of shine. Over time, they clean the grunge off, knowing it really isnt a silver lining. They continue working for a good, strong stainless steel surface. As they clean the can they find the stainless steel surface and they make their dreams come true. Silver platters may look pretty but if you dont know what to do with one, it is just a toy that gets tossed around and scratched mercilessly. Stainless steel may not be as pretty but its strong and durable, and if you work with it carefully it has a beautiful shine. Nothing is anything other than what you want it to be.