Kathleen Bacus - Fiance at Her Fingertips

Successful applicant will be an independent thinker, comfortable inhis own skin, and possess useful employment.

Im sorry about the interruption. Debra Danielss mother-sponsored date du jour picked up his napkin and placed it on his lap when he returned to the table following the third or was it the fourth?cell phone call from his mother. She wanted to know what time Id be home. Color crept from his neckline to the tips of his two rather large ears. Sometimes she waits up for me, he admitted, his smile forced.

I can relate, Debra said, very much in empathy when it came to matters maternal. Families can bedifficult.

Howard, the head librarian from the regional branch located near her folks Springfield home, put a finger beneath his collar. Indeed, he said.

Debra picked up her water glass and took a sip, searching for something to fill yet another of those awkward voids that were so typical of arranged dates.

Read any good books lately? she asked with a smile, determined to get at least one chuckle out of this latest in a never-ending string of bad-to-worse setups arranged by well-meaning friends and family members.

You know, I did finish a rather compelling piece of nonfiction about controlling personalities, Howard said. Until Mom made me quit.

Debra laughed, and then quickly sobered when she realized her date wasnt making a joke. I tend to go more for cozy mysteries myself, she said, wishing herself home with one of those whodunits at that very moment.

Your mother spends a lot of time in the cookbook section, Howard the head librarian observed. She must be a very good cook.

Debra winced. Her mother had spent a lifetime trying to acquire skills in the kitchenwith few edible signs of success.

And the other day she checked out about ten back issues of Bride magazine, her date went on. Have you got a sister getting married or something?

Or something, Debra mumbled, reluctant to explain how her mother also dedicated free time to planning weddings for non ex is tent nuptials.

Her dates phone started its familiar vibrating dance on the table. He checked the number, and a muscle in his clenched jaw quivered. Mother, he said by way of explanation. As if any were necessary. If youll excuse me?

Of course, Debra responded to her dates back as he made his way to the foyer of the restaurant. Thoughts of her own mother figured rather prominently in Debras psyche at that moment. Unsavory thoughts. Matricidal ones.

She was going to strangle her mother. Each date shed been talked into was worse than the one before. This month alone shed suffered through Art the Accountant:

So, I ended up rolling my four-oh-one-K over and invested in mutual funds and annuities. You cant go wrong with mutual funds, Debra. But, of course, you know that. You are invested in mutual funds, arent you? Perhaps I should take a look at your portfolio sometime.

In your dreams, pencil-neck, Debra had thought, and walloped him with the whopper that not only was she without mutual funds, she was without funds, period.

But I have awesome credit, shed assured him.

Yes? Accountant Arts pupils dilated.

Debra leaned toward him and nodded. Absolutely. I bet I have close to ten thousand dollars racked up on two credit cards alone! she told him, crossing her fingers under the table. And Im really, really good about paying that minimum payment right on time each and every month. Ten minutes later her prevarication had paid off. Accountant Art had excused himself with numbers to crunch back at work. Shocker.

Then there was Larry the Landscaper, whod finished a lawn lighting job at her folks home.

Youll like this one, her mother had promised. Hes tall. That was a reference to Debras own five-foot-nine-inch-in-bare-feet frame. And Larry was tall, all right. The guy turned out to be the size of the Jolly Green Giant, and just like that vegetablemonger he had a voice that bounced off the walls of the restaurant like theater surround sound.

Youre Debra Daniels, arent you? I recognize you from the family album your mother showed me! You look even purtier in person. Hi, Im Larry Lawrence, of Lawrence Landscaping and Lighting! Im the blind date your mother arranged! he announced to the world. She said youre into tall men! You do like tall men, right? You dont think Im too tall, do you?

Okay, so she was tall and generally made it known she liked men she could look up to. But this? This was ridiculous. Eye level with Paul Bunyans belly button, Debra could only shake her head and thank her lucky stars her mother hadnt arranged an evening of dancing.

Next was Hypochondriac Herb.

It took me three daysthree days!to pass that kidney stone. The doctor said it was one of the largest hed seen. Hed whipped a Polaroid out of his wallet and handed it to Debra. The picture doesnt do it justice. Its massive. Ive got it in a jar on my nightstand. Youve got to see it.