Sandie Jones - The Guilt Trip

For Lucy
My daughter & best friend
My life is all the richer with you in it

The policeman, with his slicked-back hair, stands at the bottom of my hospital bed, staring at me intently.

So, can you confirm you knew the deceased? he says, in heavily accented English.

I nod, but even that hurts.

His eyes narrow as he studies me. Do you remember what led up to this unfortunate incident? Were there any altercations between the guests? Was anything said?

I almost laugh. Where would I start?

Should I be honest and say everybody was at each others throats? That it was only a matter of time before something like this happened? That I wish it wasnt me who caused it?

The officer is staring intently, waiting for an answer, and I want to scream Yes to all his questions. But instead I shake my head in bewilderment and say, No, everything was absolutely fine.

I cant find it, says Ali, with a slightly hysterical lilt to her voice as she rummages through her bag for the third time.

Rachel feels a hot flush begin to envelop her as she wavers between wanting to believe that Alis passport is really in there somewhere, and fast-forwarding to what the game plan is going to be if it isnt.

She snatches a look at Jack as he stands at the airport check-in desk, patiently waiting for the growing sense of panic that Alis creating to be over. They all know that these are the scrapes that Ali normally gets herself into drama appears to be her friends middle name but right now, Rachels sure they could all do without the anxiety that its causing.

When I asked you in the car if you had everything, you said yes, says Rachel, careful to keep her tone light. You checked off everything, including your passport.

I know, I know, says Ali, upending her bag onto the polished tiles and dropping to the floor on her knees. She frantically fans through the pages of her current book, empties her make-up bag, and takes her iPad out of its case, leaving no stone unturned in her search for the maroon game-changer.

Im sure it was here, she says, as tears of frustration pool in her eyes. Im sure I saw it I just dont understand.

Rachel looks at Jack imploringly, but her husband just shrugs his shoulders as if to say, This is her problem.

Might it still be at home? Rachel asks gently. What about if we retrace our steps back to the car park, just to check that youve not dropped it anywhere. She looks at her watch and is grateful that Jack insisted on leaving home earlier than she had wanted to.

If the traffics bad, I dont want to be stressing that weve not left enough time, hed said last night. And dont forget weve got to pick Ali up on the way.

Rachel had felt a sense of irritation creeping in as hed fussed around her while she deliberated whether to pack the blue or the yellow dress this morning. Shed bristled at his never-ending need to be somewhere before hed even left, but now shes grateful for his eagerness, because if they need to go back to Alis place to look for her passport, they may have just enough time to do it.

If I dont get on that plane, Wills going to lose his shit... says Ali, her eyes desperately searching Rachels and Jacks for an answer they cant give.

Lets retrace our steps, says Rachel, as she helps Ali scoop up her belongings from the floor.

Think, just think, says Ali to herself, closing her eyes, forcing herself to focus.

What time does check-in close? Rachel asks the bemused British Airways clerk.

Forty minutes before the departure time.

And I dont suppose... starts Rachel, not entirely sure where shes going with it.

The woman smiles apologetically with her brightly painted lips. I cant check in the luggage without everyones passports.

Okay, says Rachel, looking around at the five cases that are standing between the three of them. Only one of them is hers and Jacks; theyd managed to negotiate their way into sharing a single case, on the strict understanding that it was 75/25 in her favour.

You cant expect me to get everything I need for a four-day trip into one half of a case, shed moaned as Jack had objected to paying the airline an additional thirty-five pounds just for the privilege of actually taking their belongings on holiday with them.

Everything you own is tiny. How much room can you possibly need?

But I need to take more things than you do, shed replied, without much conviction because she knew she was going to get her own way. You only need to take one suit and thats going in a separate carrier, so that means theres more space for me.

Hed smiled and rolled his eyes as he rationed the T-shirts and shorts that were in the pile on their bed. Why you need to take enough for a month when youre only going for a few days is beyond me.

Looking at Alis four cases now, Rachel wonders if its a year shes going for. Okay, so heres what were going to do, she says authoritatively. Jack, why dont you and Ali head back to the car...?

But... he protests.

Ill stay here with the cases and wait for Noah and Paige.

Why dont I do that? asks Jack.

Because if you dont find the passport, youve got just enough time to shoot back to Alis. Youll be quicker than I will and besides, youve already got six points on your licence, so whats the harm in three more? She winks at him, trying to inject some much-needed humour into the situation, but his jawline is set and his eyes are fixed on the departures board.

Ill hold the fort and explain the situation to the others when they get here.

And what happens if we dont get back in time? asks Ali breathlessly.

Then well have to get the next available flight, says Rachel, smiling, although the thought of sitting at Gatwick airport for any longer than is absolutely necessary fills her with a sense of dread. Its only Will weve got to worry about none of your other guests are arriving until late tomorrow, so weve got plenty of time.

But hell be there on his own if we dont make it out by tonight, says Ali tearfully.

Im sure hes spent worse nights on his expeditions around Asia, says Rachel. I dont think a villa in Portugal is going to faze him.

Jack, would you mind? says Ali, turning to face him with her best little-girl-lost look. I wouldnt know how to get back to the car park if you paid me.

He looks at Rachel as if to say, Are you really going to make me do this?

Rachel doesnt know why Ali seems to rub him up the wrong way so much. They used to get on really well at least until they stopped working together. It was Jack who introduced her to his brother Will in the first place, so he only has himself to blame for bringing her into the family. But ever since Will and Ali announced their engagement, its as if everything she says and does irritates him.

Even last night, when Ali texted Rachel that she couldnt sleep because she was sure she heard a noise downstairs, he was unsympathetic.

Tell her to handle it herself, he snapped.

Thats not fair, said Rachel. Shes in the house on her own, unused to being without Will, and shes spooked.

Tell her to ring him then shes his problem now.

The way he said it struck alarm bells for Rachel, because Jack was usually the first to volunteer to fit a CCTV camera for his parents or a security bolt for Mrs Wickes next door. She was sure hed even popped in to check on Ali in the early days when Will was still gallivanting and she was feeling vulnerable. So what had changed?