Zoe Lynne - Freeing Stella

This book is dedicated to my friends and family, the youth of MAGY, and more importantly, every young reader who wanted a book written with them in mind.

I WANT to thank author DC Juris and author Tracey Steinbach, as well as Kristi Rifkin for beta reading for me. I also want to take a moment to thank Jeff Erno for being a great friend and good shoulder.

I want to take another moment to say a special thank-you to the staff, especially the editors, of Harmony Ink. They take the time to make my work feel as important to them as it is to me. Their comments throughout my manuscript brought many, many smiles to my face. Stellas book scared me, Ill admit. I had to learn a lot about transgender issues, because I didnt know much going into it, but Stellas book had to be written. The editors eased my mind and made me feel like I accomplished everything I set out to. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

T HE EYES , the lips, the nose, the mouth, the cheekseven Stellas walk screamed of femininitybut as she stared in the vanity mirror that morning before school, Stella didnt look back at her. No, the eyes of a lost, scared, and lonely little boy whod been shoved into the wrong body glared from the steamy glass. Youth made his features soft, but his chin wasnt free of stubble unless he shaved every single day. Makeup helped, but didnt make his skin smooth. Nothing would make him shorter or his hands and feet smaller. Nothing made him feel 100 percent right.

Stella knew that body was all wrong. Steven knew that body was all wrong. Yet there wasnt enough courage in the universe to make her tell her parents something wasnt right.

Steven, youre going to be late for school, Stellas mother yelled from outside the bathroom door.

Stella slipped her size-ten feet into the blue-and-black mens Nikes her mother had bought her for Christmas, then pulled a polo shirt over her head and down to her factory-faded jeans. She fingered the hem of her shirt, praying the burn in her throat away, praying the tears would stay down for just one day. It seemed like the more she hid behind fake faades and pretended to be something she wasnt, the more the tears fought to break free of her eyes and the harder it was not to let go and send them tumbling down her warm cheeks.

Stella looked at the reflection of her very masculine wardrobe and her very feminine body and rubbed her hand down her shirt.

The lookthat rugged preppy-boy thing her mom and dad had been forcing on her since pubertymade her stomach knot. It didnt matter what kind of clothes they put her in, how manly the attire looked on a hanger. On Stella, it looked ridiculous because it was all wrong. She looked like a damn girl in boys clothing. She was a damn girl. Despite what her birth certificate said and what her parents called her, despite the school and the kids and the teachers and everyone else in the world calling her a boy, Stella was meant to be a girl.

God got it all wrong.

Exhaling sharply, Stella pulled her long blonde hair back into a ponytail at the nape of her neck, not high on her head like she wouldve if she was going out into the world as the real her. She used a black rubber band instead of a bright pink ribbon, and though her green eyes screamed for a little liner, she let it go. She double-checked her fingernails to make sure there was no leftover polish like she did every single morning, just to make sure there was nothing there to get her caught. She ran the side of her forefinger over each side of her jaw to make sure there was no hair she mightve missed. They could force her to dress like a boy all they wanted, but that didnt mean she had to let hair grow out of her face. This was her daily routine, as much a part of her as breathing and eating and sleeping.

At least it was Friday. That meant after school and homework and family routines, she could go to Jennas house and get dolled up, then ride with Jenna and Ashlynn to the youth group meeting. And if things went really well, she might get to see Robbie tonight. Since Robbie and Ashlynn were in a band together, it sort of went without saying the four girls would end up together at some point.

Stella liked Robbienot in a seriously dating sort of way, but more in a fun and friendly sort of way. They might make out. They might not. Robbie knew her secrets just like Jenna and Ashlynn, and Robbie didnt care or judge just like Jenna and Ashlynn. Robbie made Stella laugh, made her forget about the secret crush at school and the things she hid from her family. Robbie made things better.

At least Stella had that to look forward to.

Stevie, come on. Stellas little sister banged her fist on the door.

Little. Hah. Jess turned sixteen this year, and if all went well, she would be inheriting Stellas crappy compact car, and Stella would be getting a nice new crossover for graduation.

Wonder if they would change their minds if they knew.

You take more time than I do, Jess yelled again.

Im coming, Jess. Give me a break.

I promised I would meet Charlie before school.

Stop whining.

If you make us late, I cant meet Charlie. She paused long enough to inhale. Im gonna be pissed if I cant meet Charlie.

Charlie?

Stella yanked the door open and eyed her sister hard. Up and down. Up and down. Her brow arched. She crossed her arms over her painfully flat chest and leaned against the jamb.

Whos Charlie?

Jess glared.

Tell me. The tone of Stellas voice softened dramatically.

Her sister was a mirror image of Stella. In fact, some of Stellas skirts had been absconded from Jesss closet. Most of her accessories were hand-me-downs Jess had been ready to throw away. Jess knew Stellas secret. Shed even said Stella felt more like a best friend and a sister than a big-brother type.

Jessica. Steven. Their mother stood at the foot of the stairs, calling up to them in that nagging way all mothers did. Every time Stella heard her given name, she cringed. She hated it. She hated people saying it. She hated hiding behind it for her parents sake.

Were coming, Jess called back.

Not until you tell me about Charlie, Stella whispered.

Sighing, Jess let her head hang from her slumped shoulders, and she crossed her arms over her chest, black-painted fingernails biting into her elbows. Her B-cup cleavage pushed up to the neckline of the solid black tank top she had on under her pinstripe hoodie. Stella was so damn jealous of those boobs. What she wouldnt give to even fill an A-cup.

Jess took a step back and leaned against the wall, skinny jeans hugging her long, slender legs. Her tiny feet were probably two-thirds the size of Stellas, and she was easily a foot shorter. Sad thing was, Jessica Anne Marshall was about as tomboy as they came and built like a tiny girl. Steven Allan Marshall was as feminine as any princess and built like a prince.

Yeah, whoever was responsible for matching souls to bodies royally screwed up on us. Too bad there isnt a complaint department with the powers that be.

Jessica. Whos Charlie? Stella asked again, more authority in her tone this time.

Promise not to tell anyone?

Of course.

When her little sister looked up again, her bright blue eyes were glassy and her tiny lips were pinched tight together. She looked scared, which didnt make a whole lot of sense. Shed never been afraid to share anything with Stella, and vice versa. They were close. Always had been.

Jessica?

Im sorta kinda seeing Charlie.

Okay.

Something wasnt registering here. Stella knew their dad had said no dating until they turned eighteen, but theyd both been secretly seeing people for a while now. School gave them well, gave Jess a great palette of people to choose from. Stella hadnt been so lucky. That was part of the reason shed found the group. At least there she could be herself and be with people more like her.