Rosie Blake - How to Stuff Up Christmas: A seasonal, feel-good Christmas romance featuring festive recipes

To Mama Christmas aka the legend that is Basia Martin.

You can find lovely Christmas goodies to buy at www.countrycottagechristmas.co.uk

1. Chapter 1
2. Chapter 2
3. Chapter 3
4. Chapter 4
5. Chapter 5
6. Chapter 6
7. Chapter 7
8. Chapter 8
9. Chapter 9
10. Chapter 10
11. Chapter 11
12. Chapter 12
13. Chapter 13
14. Chapter 14
15. Chapter 15
16. Chapter 16
17. Chapter 17
18. Chapter 18
19. Chapter 19
20. Chapter 20
21. Chapter 21
22. Chapter 22
23. Chapter 23
24. Chapter 24
25. Chapter 25
26. Chapter 26
27. Chapter 27
28. Chapter 28
29. Chapter 29
30. Chapter 30
31. Chapter 31
32. Chapter 32
33. Chapter 33
34. Chapter 34
35. Chapter 35
36. Chapter 36
37. Chapter 37
38. Chapter 38
39. Chapter 39
40. Chapter 40
41. Chapter 41
42. Chapter 42
43. Chapter 43
44. Chapter 44
45. Chapter 45
46. Chapter 46
47. Chapter 47
48. Chapter 48
49. Chapter 49
50. Acknowledgements
51. About the Author

Oh, Eve, this is very unbecoming.

Dont, Brenda, cant you see its too soon?

You could have stayed in the car, David.

I needed to come to ensure you didnt kill her.

Im not going to kill her.

Sigh. I know, its a turn of phrase.

Just look at her.

Shes fine. Shes a grown woman, Brenda.

Shes not fine.

Shell be fine.

You both know I can hear you? Im sitting right here.

Well, young lady, enough is enough. You need to get up right now.

Brenda!

Mum, Im thirty-two years old. You cant tell me to get up.

Im your mother, I can tell you anything, I carried you in my womb for nine months.

I didnt have a choice in the matter.

Brenda, we should go, let her get on with things.

Thanks, Dad.

Get on with things! Look at her, shes wearing pyjamas and its 3 p.m.

Theyre good pyjamas, love.

Thanks, Dad.

Theyre excellent pyjamas, Ive always loved her in check, but its 3 p.m.

Its 7 a.m. somewhere in the world.

David, you are not being helpful.

You didnt bring me to be helpful. You brought me because you dont like driving in London in the day.

I dont. The roads are a nightmare now, INVADED by cyclists, do they think they own the place?

Mum, Im pretty sure they have as much right to cycle as you have to dri

You cannot have a sensible opinion wearing pyjamas.

Fine, Ill get up.

Good. Now I brought you bananas. You need fruit, vitamins and is that an ashtray? Are you smoking?

Can I have a banana?

No, theyre Eves she needs her strength.

Dad can have one.

He has plenty at home. David, you have plenty at home.

Were not at home, though, and I need my strength too.

Oh for goodness sake! Fine, take one, but woe betide you if you dont eat my dinner.

Christ, Brenda, its a banana not a Michelin-starred meal.

Eve where are you going?

Im going to get dressed.

Oh thats good, I am glad. David, isnt that good?

Its marvellous. This is an excellent banana.

Ill tidy up in here while you change.

Dont, Mum, its a pigsty. Ill do it later.

It is rather unpleasant.

Im allowed to live like this, Mum. After what happened. Dad? Dad?

David, stop messing around.

Mum, hes not, hes choking on the banana.

Typical of him.

Come on, Dad

Went went down the wrong way.

David, stop messing about. So, Eve, do you want to talk about what happened?

No, Mum, I really dont. Im going to go and get dressed, though.

Dont push it, Brenda you promised.

Im not pushing anything. He was just such a lovely boy, always wrote a thank-you letter. Always.

I wouldnt care if he had written a thousand letters.

And he had trustworthy eyes. Pops always said you could tell if a man was honest by looking at his eyes and they were honest.

I always thought they were never quite looking in the same direction.

Nonsense, David. They were lovely eyes. What did she do, I wonder?

It wasnt her.

But he wouldnt have dropped her.

Mum, I can still hear you.

Its rude to eavesdrop.

Im not eavesdropping, Mum, youre talking loudly, in my house.

She has a point, Brenda.

Well, Ill drop, it but I Oh, Eve, that really washes you out.

Brenda.

What? It does. I dont know why she wears all that grey.

Because I like grey, Mum.

Its nice, love.

He didnt shag someone else because I wore grey.

Shag

Dad? Mum, hes choking again. Mum?

Eve had returned to work the day after it had happened with no ring and a blotchy face. Shed wanted to get on with things but found she couldnt concentrate on anything, couldnt rouse the energy to talk to potential buyers about beautiful new homes for their perfect family units. Where normally shed have been gossiping with them, cooing over their excited we need another bedroom, my wifes expecting, now she found their happiness too much to take.

Ed, the pernickety office manager, who spent most days whining that Eve never used hole-punch protector stickers, had skirted round her in those early weeks, warned off by her permanently red-rimmed eyes and Daisys quiet warnings. Daisy, Eves best friend, always watchful, brought her lattes and bacon butties, and allowed her to hide at her desk updating the details of new houses and flats while Daisy went out on viewings and talked to people on the phone.

Hey, she called, handing Eve a slice of chocolate biscuit cake as she walked past on her return from lunch, leaning over her desk to add, Because I know you love it more than is normal.

Ooh I do, youre a goddess, Eve said, biting into it.

Daisy pulled up at her desk and started tapping as Eve made obscene noises finishing up her biscuit cake, crumbs sticking to her chest.

Oh hmm. You should make thish professionally, it ish soooo good, Eve said between mouthfuls.

Daisy looked up and smiled, her freckled face creasing. I can give you the recipe if you like?

Eve raised an eyebrow at her. Why would I make it when I can wait here for you to bring it to me? Also, I would end up burning it

You cant burn it.

Well, melting it.

You cant melt it.

Well, I would find a way to ruin it somehow, Eve said, staring wistfully at the empty plate.

You wouldnt, you just need to follow the instructions, its easy, Daisy said, pushing a strand of ginger hair behind her ear.

Im nearly done with these particulars. Do you want to you know its time, Eve whispered, leaning round the desk and indicating the screen with her head.

Okay, give me five minutes, Daisy said.

Yippee! Eve clapped. No work, no work!

Ssh Daisy giggled as Ed looked up from his workstation, his beady eyes narrowing.

Yes, Daisy, Eve called out in a too-loud voice. Good idea, we can work on it from my computer. Giving Daisy a discreet thumbs-up, she waited for her to finish the job she was working on. Take your time, woman.