Kasia Cunningham - Growing Up Divided

In loving memory of

Michelle Blainefield-Edwards

August 17, 1984- June 1, 2022

Table of Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

The Beginning

It all started 11 years ago. We were moving in with my grandma and for some reason my dad wasnt moving with us. Maybe in my mind it was something regular, but all I know is that I didnt see him for a while after that. I always wondered why but was too confused to speak up. A little bit after that I was back with my dad. I was super excited, but then my mom was gone. Now that I look back on it, they were most likely fighting for custody. I only remember living with my dad as a little kid in a house of 8. Although it was fun in some moments, I wished I was with my mom.

Sometimes my dad would leave me with my aunts and cousins, and it was cool, but I always felt out of place. I was the only one in the family with split parents. My dad used to work every day. That may seem normal now, but it wasnt to me back then. I missed my dad. I wondered why he would leave me every day. I got the concept of working but not the concept of work. A little bit after that I dont remember seeing my mom until I was going into elementary school.

It was me, my brother, my mom, and my stepdad living in a 2-bedroom apartment. Thats where I would stay during the weekdays. My dad and I lived in a town house. The only problem was I grew up in a predominantly white school district. I would say my elementary school years were okay, but I was always different. Not even the weird type of different, deep down different.

Knowing I would never fit in with the girls with fair skin, long blonde hair, and blue eyes. I didnt want to be different, I wanted to be just like them. They would always talk about how great their family was and all the things they had. All I could bring up was how I go to different houses on the weekend and how my parents argue a lot. I always wanted things I couldnt have. I didnt want to be the black girl rocking an Afro wearing Roca wear. I wanted to be the white girl with cool families, justice outfits, and jelly sandals. Maybe I shouldve just stuck to being myself, but I only had my mother to look up to. It didnt help that my dad had a new girlfriend (Ms. S) with fair skin, brown hair, brown eyes, she was super nice. She looked like a model. She was the best and worst thing in my life, but I didnt know that at the time. I remember wishing I could be just like her. It really did ruin my self-image but its not my dads fault. He just likes what he likes.

Not only that my mom was pregnant with my little sister. Her name was going to be Jalese. As a kid I would always think, are you kidding me could my life get any worse! I knew as soon as my mom had this baby, I would hate her. Thats a horrible thing to say, but it was true. Jalese was already taking away most of the attention from me. I was always the center of attention.

Mostly because I had split parents, so people felt so bad for the 5-year-old black girl going in between houses living in poverty. I wished that my mom and dad would get back together every day. I was mad that my little sister would have a better life than me. She wouldnt have split parents and the stuff everyone would get her was already taking up most of the apartment. I would pray to God that one day I would have a normal family like my new sister. I blamed my stepdad for a while. Which probably wasnt right, but I had to be mad at someone right? And I always thought my feelings were justified because he would make me do chores sometimes. I was spoiled rotten. I had never done a chore until he came around. But it wasnt a chore like cleaning the whole house. All I had to do was wipe my spot at the table. And in my mind that made sense.

Before him my mom was a single mom going to work and providing for her two kids. He gave us stability. Which wasnt right to me. I wanted my mommy all to myself. He doesnt deserve my mom. I was so spoiled I didnt see the wrong in my actions. My dad would always buy me stuff and always let me have my way. I think he did this because he felt bad for me. I was a kid having to choose mommy or daddy. Or maybe he wanted to give me the childhood he never had. As a kid it was awesome! But it wasnt right because later in life he just stopped. Which gave me the wrong impression of my dad at the time. But he was always a great dad to me.

My elementary years got better in 1st grade. I had a whole bunch of friends and met a girl that looked just like me! Coiled short hair, cool Jordans, and Roca wear clothes. Her name was Jezel. She was like my best friend. I thought she was super cool. And for a moment in life when I was with her, I had enough confidence to be myself. But that didnt last for long either. Jezel moved. I never ended up seeing her again. I felt like nothing good ever lasts in my life. I had other friends, but they didnt look like me at all. They were super different from me; you know the society standards.

DIVERSITY

Diversity, Diversity, that is something you should know, Diversity, Diversity can sometimes be a show.

Diversity is like a bus; it comes and goes, but in some schools it s really just a show.

Diversity only comes for a month on the first of February then goes. We learn about diversity for only a month, then back to learning how to count.

Diversity thats not something our schools show,

Diversity, is not something the next generation will know. We must take a stand and thats for sure, we learned about Ben Franklin, But how about Romulus Moore. You probably didnt know about him! Why? Because they think hes a bore.

Diversity, Diversity did you know? that the first black person made your favorite snacks? Peanuts you may ask George Carver made that. Thats something you probably didnt know. Because my schools dont teach diversity and thats a fact.

Diversity, diversity is like a flying bear

Diversity, diversity something that was never there.

Kasia Cunningham

At least I had my mom, or so I thought. My mom was pregnant AGAIN! It was going to be a little boy and I wasnt as mad because I thought I wouldnt have to put up with him because he would look up to Mikel. Boy was I wrong! Now I really dont like my stepdad. He made our home stable, bought us more things, and even made my mom happy. He was such a bad person.

Our house was getting crowded, so we moved to a 3-bedroom house where me and Mikel, my oldest brother, shared a room and my two younger siblings Jalese and my new little brother Jason shared a room. I loved our new neighborhood. It had people my age and skin color although it had its cons it was still awesome. I would play outside every day and always wondered why police would patrol our neighborhood like every other week, but oh well. I would ride my bike with my friends, play outside games with them, and talk about everything with them. Just like that I started to hate our neighborhood. I told you good things will never last in my lifetime.

Halfway into the school year Mikel had decided to run his mouth and got us jumped. I got off the bus and my brother walked me home every day, so he was there and this big group of 4 kids surrounded us. They took my stuff including the money out of my bag. Pretty Cruel huh? Well, it was my first fight and I lost. A seven-year-old to a bunch of teenagers who knew better. It was the first time I felt my parents got together to talk to each other like civilized adults. This made me have hope of them getting back together. I remember my dad being extremely mad but couldnt do much to a bunch of kids. Later he told me he was going to do bad things to those kids parents, but he didnt because he wanted to be a better person for me. Which I expected would have probably added to my trauma.