Ann Beattie - Distortions

Are you happy? MacDonald says. Because if youre happy Ill leave you alone.

MacDonald is sitting in a small gray chair, patterned with grayer leaves, talking to his brother, who is standing in a blue chair. MacDonalds brother is four feet, six and three-quarter inches tall, and when he stands in a chair he can look down on MacDonald. MacDonald is twenty-eight years old. His brother, James, is thirty-eight. There was a brother between them, Clem, who died of a rare disease in Panama. There was a sister also, Amy, who flew to Panama to be with her dying brother. She died in the same hospital, one month later, of the same disease. None of the family went to the funeral. Today MacDonald, at his mothers request, is visiting James to find out if he is happy. Of course James is not, but standing on the chair helps, and the twenty-dollar bill that MacDonald slipped into his tiny hand helps too.

What do you want to live in a dwarf house for?

Theres a giant here.

Well it must just depress the hell out of the giant.

Hes pretty happy.

Are you?

Im as happy as the giant.

What do you do all day?

Use up the familys money.

You know Im not here to accuse you. Im here to see what I can do.

She sent you again, didnt she?

Yes.

Is this your lunch hour?

Yes.

Have you eaten? Ive got some candy bars in my room.

Thank you. Im not hungry.

Place make you lose your appetite?

I do feel nervous. Do you like living here?

I like it better than the giant does. Hes lost twenty-five pounds. Nobodys supposed to know about that the official word is fifteen but I overheard the doctors talking. Hes lost twenty-five pounds.

Is the food bad?

Sure. Why else would he lose twenty-five pounds?

Do you mind if we dont talk about the giant right now? Id like to take back some reassurance to Mother.

Tell her Im as happy as she is.

You know shes not happy.

She knows Im not, too. Why does she keep sending you?

Shes concerned about you. Shed like you to live at home. Shed come herself

I know. But she gets nervous around freaks.

I was going to say that she hasnt been going out much. She sent me, though, to see if you wouldnt reconsider.

Im not coming home, MacDonald.

Well, is there anything youd like from home?

They let you have pets here. Id like a parakeet.

A bird? Seriously?

Yeah. A green parakeet.

Ive never seen a green one.

Pet stores will dye them any color you ask for.

Isnt that harmful to them?

You want to please the parakeet or me?

*

How did it go? MacDonalds wife asks.

That place is a zoo. Well, its worse than a zoo its what it is: a dwarf house.

Is he happy?

I dont know. I didnt really get an answer out of him. Theres a giant there whos starving to death, and he says hes happier than the giant. Or maybe he said he was as happy. I cant remember. Have we run out of vermouth?

Yes. I forgot to go to the liquor store. Im sorry.

Thats all right. I dont think a drink would have much effect anyway.

It might. If I had remembered to go to the liquor store.

Im just going to call Mother and get it over with.

Whats that in your pocket?

Candy bars. James gave them to me. He felt sorry for me because Id given up my lunch hour to visit him.

Your brother is really a very nice person.

Yeah. Hes a dwarf.

What?

I mean that I think of him primarily as a dwarf. Ive had to take care of him all my life.

Your mother took care of him until he moved out of the house.

Yeah, well it looks like he found a replacement for her. But you might need a drink before I tell you about it.

Oh, tell me.

Hes got a little sweetie. Hes in love with a woman who lives in the dwarf house. He introduced me. Shes three feet eleven. She stood there smiling at my knees.

Thats wonderful that he has a friend.

Not a friend a fiance. He claims that as soon as hes got enough money saved up hes going to marry this other dwarf.

He is?

Isnt there some liquor store that delivers? Ive seen liquor trucks in this neighborhood, I think.

*

His mother lives in a high-ceilinged old house on Newfield Street, in a neighborhood that is gradually being taken over by Puerto Ricans. Her phone has been busy for almost two hours, and MacDonald fears that she, too, may have been taken over by Puerto Ricans. He drives to his mothers house and knocks on the door. It is opened by a Puerto Rican woman, Mrs. Esposito.

Is my mother all right? he asks.

Yes. Shes okay.

May I come in?

Oh, Im sorry.

She steps aside not that it does much good, because shes so wide that theres still not much room for passage. Mrs. Esposito is wearing a dress that looks like a jungle: tall streaks of green grass going every which way, brown stumps near the hem, flashes of red around her breasts.

Who were you talking to? he asks his mother.

Carlotta was on the phone with her brother, seeing if hell take her in. Her husband put her out again.

Mrs. Esposito, hearing her husband spoken of, rubs her hands in anguish.

It took two hours? MacDonald says good-naturedly, feeling sorry for her. What was the verdict?

He wont, Mrs. Esposito answers.

I told her she could stay here, but when she told him she was going to do that he went wild and said he didnt want her living just two doors down.

I dont think he meant it, MacDonald says. He was probably just drinking again.

He had joined Alcoholics Anonymous, Mrs. Esposito says. He didnt drink for two weeks, and he went to every meeting, and one night he came home and said he wanted me out.

MacDonald sits down, nodding nervously. The chair he sits in has a childs chair facing it, which is used as a footstool. When James lived with his mother it was his chair. His mother still keeps his furniture around a tiny childs glider, a mirror in the hall that is knee-high.

Did you see James? his mother asks.

Yes. He said that hes very happy.

I know he didnt say that. If I cant rely on you Ill have to go myself, and you know how I cry for days after I see him.

He said he was pretty happy. He said he didnt think you were.

Of course Im not happy. He never calls.

He likes the place he lives in. Hes got other people to talk to now.

Dwarfs, not people, his mother says. Hes hiding from the real world.

He didnt have anybody but you to talk to when he lived at home. Hes got a new part-time job that he likes better, too, working in a billing department.

Sending unhappiness to people in the mail, his mother says.

How are you doing? he asks.

As James says, Im not happy.

What can I do? MacDonald asks.

Go to see him tomorrow and tell him to come home.

He wont leave. Hes in love with somebody there.

Who? Who does he say hes in love with? Not another social worker?

Some woman. I met her. She seems very nice.

Whats her name?

I dont remember.

How tall is she?

Shes a little shorter than James.

Shorter than James?

Yes. A little shorter.

What does she want with him?

He said they were in love.

I heard you. Im asking what she wants with him.

I dont know. I really dont know. Is that sherry in that bottle? Do you mind

Ill get it for you, Mrs. Esposito says.

Well, who knows what anybody wants from anybody, his mother says. Real love comes to naught. I loved your father and we had a dwarf.

You shouldnt blame yourself, MacDonald says. He takes the glass of sherry from Mrs. Esposito.

I shouldnt? I have to raise a dwarf and take care of him for thirty-eight years and then in my old age he leaves me. Who should I blame for that?