St-Louis - Pure Intentions of My Heart

TODAY, IS IT GOOD OR BAD?

Is this a good day or a bad day? What I knowtoday for sure is that the sun rises and the sun sets.
Thats all I need for today and thats enough!
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.Each day has enough trouble of its own. Todays been a hectic day at work.There was a re-organization announcement at work. Im curious, but somehow Imcalm. I know that I will be just fine whether I remain in this organization orwhether I get a new job elsewhere. Anyways, Ive been looking for another jobbecause I needed a change. The change has been a strong push ever since Ivedivorced. My resume was in full circulation and I remained grateful to have agood paying job. One day I will do full time what my soul is calling for. Beingof service how and where I dont know yet. Let it ride I tell myself. Havefaith that all will turn out well.
Release this burden onto God. The universe can produce ten million jobs andtheres one for me with all that Im asking for. So let it ride and have faith.Be patient girl. Take a step back and remain objective.

Thank God the day is over, at least one part of it. The emotions are stillvery strong because the valve was now open. All I know is that its healingsomething that needs to be set right within me. That part, I have no idea whenit will be over.

Mitchell, my son whos eleven years old reached me on my cell phone to tellme he just got home from school. He wants me to stop at the convenience storeand buy him some chips. Listen Mitch, Ive had a big day at work and no, Imnot stopping off anywhere except at the restaurant for take-out so you may askme a million times and it will be no. Its not time to push my buttons. Got it?I love you mom, he tells me.

As I get in the door heres Mitchell. Hes angry and telling me, no he wasscreaming actually, that his ex-girlfriend had been disrespected by a boy atschool! Well its actually a friend who told a friend that he liked her. Whenshe asked the boy in question if it was true he just insulted her. I called heras soon as I came home from school because she was crying. I wanted to comforther. I tell you mom, if he makes her sad one more time I will punch out hislight.

Wait a minute! This child has more respect and consideration for a girl hesknown since kinder garden and hes now in grade five. This really touched myheart. To think that his father had a midlife crisis and betrayed me afterfourteen years of marriage, and never once in his crisis did he tell me itmakes me sad to make you suffer, or I didnt want to see you suffer, or itpained me to see you suffer! Something! Anything! Wow Mitchell, youre reallyangry! You really take this at heart!

I felt vulnerable as the anger was eating at me, to say the least. My energywas not so good since the therapists, yes several people, a healing touchmassage therapist and an emotional health therapist had recently helped me getin touch with the resentment and rage of being stalked, with temptedaggression, when I was a teenager. As the therapist says so well the valve isopen now, the healing will progress on its own. The famous grieving spiral! Itell you, I didnt like it when she said that as it reminded me of the angervalve of the divorce that lasted quite a while. It just made me furious becauseI had no idea of the length of time that was required to heal from resentment.The repressed anger had turned into rage. Just like a tropical storm that turnsout to be a hurricane. At least for the storm, we can see it coming and takecover. I had to tame this bottled up rage.