Meredith Rom - Just Be: A Search for Self-Love in India

Copyright 2017 Meredith Rom

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, digital scanning, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please address She Writes Press.

Published 2017
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-1-63152-286-4 pbk
eISBN: 978-1-63152-287-1
Library of Congress Control Number: 2017937342

Book design by Stacey Aaronson

For information, address:
She Writes Press
1563 Solano Ave #546
Berkeley, CA 94707

She Writes Press is a division of SparkPoint Studio, LLC.

To you, dear reader:

May you be happy.

May you be well.

May you be full of peace.

ONE
Om Namah Shivaya

TWO
Sat Chit Ananda

THREE
Om Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

FOUR
Om Shanti

FIVE
Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha

SIX
Om Namo Bhagavate Sri Ramanaya

SEVEN
Om Purnamadah Purnamidam

EIGHT
Jai Hanuman

NINE
Sai Ram

TEN
Om Mani Padme Hum

ELEVEN
Bhavatu Sabba Mangalam

W e all have access to an infinite source of wisdom that lies in our bodies.

The first time I set foot on a yoga mat and began to really let myself feel the intensity of sensations and emotions that were lying beneath the surface, I wanted to run away. At first I avoided going back to yoga class, hoping that distractions like sugar or prescription pills from my doctor would take away my suffering instead.

Fortunately, I soon realized that repressing or distracting myself from my emotions and sensations caused just as much and often even more suffering. It was then I knew running away was no longer an option.

Through allowing myself to just be with my sensations and my breath, my journey began, and this book emerged. When I found that space of stillness, of silence, a space of no desires, no attachments, of pure witnessing presence without any need to change myself or my life, I formed a connection with the one place I can always rely on: my body, my breath, and my own innate wisdom.

From that place, I began to listen deeply and to take action. I found the courage to take bigger leaps, follow my callings, and love myself through my challenges. It was then that the magic of lifea realization that the universe was conspiring in my favor to give me the exact experiences I needed to healhelped me discover a deep, pervasive connectedness to everything and everyone around me, and a trust in a force greater than myself.

My hope for you is to connect to a place of stillness and love within. A place where there is nothing you need to change. A place where you can love yourself no matter what thoughts, challenges, or situations arise. And from that place, to take steps forward, to follow your own inner callings, and to know that whatever happens in life, youll be able to come back to this stillness and self-love.

Sometimes, life gets hard. Its inevitable. But if theres one thing Ive learned through the years, its that if I can sit with the intensity of any emotion, any difficult sensation, and remain equanimous, calm, and composed, everything will be okay. The nature of these sensationsindeed all challenges of lifeis to be impermanent, arising and passing away.

This insight was confirmed during a conversation with my friend Karen at the end of our ten-day silent meditation retreat taught by S. N. Goenka. She had asked one of the teachers a question about the pain she was experiencing in her body, hoping that through feeling her pain, she would find relief, and that one day, just maybe, her pain would go away and never come back. The teacher looked her right in the eye and said, Billions and billions of times better than your pain suddenly going away would be you continuing to have pain for the rest of your life and no longer suffering through your reaction to it.

The point is not to push away our pain but rather allow ourselves to just be through whatever arises.

I chose to retain the real names of the saints and sages in this book. If you decide to further study their teachings, I ask that you do so with the purest intentions and utmost respect. In a similar vein, if you visit places that are mentioned in this book, know that every experience is unique, and your own journey will unfold, most likely, very differently from my own. We are each on a distinct and remarkable path to liberation, and no one persons journey can ever be recreated, and that is part of the beauty of it.

I write of my time in India not to speak on behalf of an organization or teacher, or to encourage others to follow my footsteps, but rather to authentically share the magical events and synchronicities I experienced when I tuned into my bodys wisdom and listened to the guidance I found there. Most of the names in this book have been changed out of respect for the privacy of the people I met on my path, except for Shankara, who gave his blessing and now travels the world under one of his many other names.

Each chapter begins with a mantra, a short phrase with a sacred vibration that you can repeat in your mind to bring yourself back to the present moment. I discovered these mantras through my travels, and youll learn their meanings throughout the stories. The chapter titles are written in Sanskrit, except for the last chapter title, which is written in Pali, the language spoken during the time Buddha walked the earth. I invite you to use these mantras in your life as little seeds of wisdom, leading you to your own discoveries.

Y oure going to write a book one day. I found this for you to start. Shankara passed me a handwoven notebook filled with delicate natural pages sewn together with love. I looked at him, amazed. Could he really see the future? Would I become a writer? I thanked him and smiled with gratitude, looking down at my new notebook.

I opened it to the last page, where he had written, From eternity I have no home, yet so many people have tried to find their home in me.

The first thing I wrote in that notebook came to me in the middle of the night as I woke suddenly from a dream. In a state between waking and sleeping, I wrote from a place in the heart that has no identity, no self, a place of pure intuition:

Varanasi rose

The smell of India

And your freedom

Billows of light

Eternity

Mystery

A key

To unlock

All secrets

And truth...

Truth is the weight of a feather, and a mountain.

No space,

No time, yet

Infinite.

Thunderstorms,

Your lips,

The smell of

Sweet sandalwood