Nic Higham - Living the Life That You Are: Finding Wholeness When You Feel Lost, Isolated, and Afraid

A deep and compassionate book that brings the wisdom of non-duality to our sense of loneliness and separation taking us through these doorways to wholeness and freedom.

Tim Freke , author of Deep Awake

Ive worked closely with Nic Higham for several years and have read his website posts about awakening with great interest and resonance. Working with Nic so closely over the years, I can assure you that his experience is direct. You can feel it for yourself as you read this book. It is my honor to introduce you to Nic if you arent aware of his writings yet.

Scott Kiloby , CEO of The Kiloby Center for Recovery

Nic Highams book is not only wise, but also deeply human, honest, and compassionate. Nics own existential struggles with loneliness, isolation, forlornness, and angst were the portals to a more authentic Self that he has discovered and now shares in this book with great humility. Drawing on a wide range of wisdom teachings, including Nisargadattas natural yoga and what Nic calls radical mindfulness, Nic examines separateness in a way that is spiritually, psychologically, and philosophically astute. Throughout this process of Self-remembrance, Nic skillfully reveals the essential Aliveness that is always at the heart of experience, and that is the source of greater harmony, wholeness, and connection.

Michael A. Rodriguez , author of Boundless Awareness

When we dive into the ocean of our aloneness, our loneliness can come to an end. What a beautiful paradox to meditate upon. In Living the Life That You Are , Nic Higham challenges us to stop running away from our present experiencehowever uncomfortable or intense it isand plunge into the ocean of present-moment awareness. This is not about letting go of or releasing our anxiety, fears, and sorrows. This is not about destroying the ego or becoming a spiritually enlightened, superhuman being, immune to the pains of being human. This is about being exactly as we are, human vulnerabilities and all. This is about letting go of our assumptions about reality and becoming deeply curious about ourselves, allowing our feelings instead of resisting them, watching our thoughts instead of trying to control them, questioning our beliefs instead of holding to them. This is about discovering the beauty in our ordinariness, the divine essence in our flaws, and coming to see that loneliness is not an enemy, or a mistake, or a sign of our failure, but a great signpost to non-dual awareness, a call to remember this constant, brilliant light that illuminates our lives from deep within. Living the Life That You Are weaves together psychology, ancient wisdom, and honest personal reflections into a coherent and inspiring whole. If loneliness is the great disease of the modern age, then Nics heartfelt plea for self-love is much-needed medicine. Even if your mind cannot comprehend all the ideas contained within this book, your heart will know the truth of them.

Jeff Foster , author of The Wonder of Being and Falling in Love with Where You Are

Ive known Nic since 2011, when he first started working for the UK-based social justice charity of which I am a trustee. I have been deeply and consistently struck by his commitment, compassion, and creativity since day one. Nics day job involves working to improve the lives and autonomy of the most marginalized social groups, with a specialist focus on mental health inpatient care. Having worked for many years in acute psychiatric wards and therapeutic groups, he is very mindful of the needs of those people who are particularly lacking in power, validation, and/or culturally reflective experiences. In the innovative projects he leads and contributes to, his approach is always to be palpably appreciative of professionals and their clients, and to write service development publications which are appealing, validating, practical, and easy to use. Although it is a different format and is intended for a different audience, Living the Life That You Are is informed by Nics egalitarianism and his unique experience. The book has a simple but profound message: live meditatively and inquiringly through cultivating the bespoke selection of mindfulness principles offered. Start your inner revolution with radical mindfulness: when you feel separate from life, become your own best friend by shifting your focus of attention to your sense of being, a most loyal quality we all share. Nic shows readers how to locate and tap into this place to help them feel more connected with themselves and others. I cannot recommend enough the opportunity to bring his passion and experience to a wider audience.

Jonathan Jenkins , chief executive of London Air Ambulance

At the heart of Nic Highams meditative reflections on non-duality lies an invitation to deep self-inquiry. As any earnest seeker eventually realizes, lifes deepest truths cannot be known or attained by the mind; rather, the truth gradually reveals itself to those willing to look behind the veil. Higham shows us that loneliness and anxietyrather than being states we should attempt to overcomecan be portals into profound Self-intimacy. With kindness and clarity, he elucidates the qualities necessary for us to experience for ourselves what the phrase non-dual really means. As an experienced mental health professional, he has combined a deep understanding of both psychology and non-duality to create a workboth words and musicby which to guide us into the knowing we are all ultimately seeking.

Fiona Robertson , senior facilitator and trainer of Scott Kilobys Living Inquiries, and author of The Art of Finding Yourself

Nic writes well and has understood the teachings of Advaita. The book should work well as a guide and self-help (as opposed to Self, which needs no help!).

Maria Jory , editor of Beyond Freedom

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2018 by Nic Higham

Non-Duality Press

An imprint of New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Shoup; Acquired by Jess OBrien; Edited by Melanie Bell

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file

Contents

References

Foreword

Youve been conditioned to suffer. In other words, from the time you were a young child to the present moment, you were taught to think a lot and avoid or seek certain experiences. Even more detrimental to our well-being is the minds tendency to evade presence and so obscure Awareness, which is always present and ultimately what we are. Thought has become our main way of experiencing the world, thereby giving us a false sense of identity and security. When loneliness, fear or anxiety, or any form of suffering comes up, our tendency is to go into our minds and disconnect from our direct experience. More than anything, weve disconnected from ourselves through trying to search beyond ourselves because we think that what we are is not enough. We look for the future to fulfill us, for relationships to make us whole, and for addictive substances and activities to medicate unwanted feelings. The mind doesnt realize that true freedom arises from mindfully observing and inquiring into what is presentboth the pleasure and the painby questioning our assumptions and sense of deficiency. In this book, author Nic Higham skillfully shows us that the key to our freedom is actually found in and through the suffering we experience. For thousands of years, those who have gone deep into these realizations have been telling us that desire, fear, and illusion are the three pillars of suffering. As we dissolve these three pillars, we begin living exclusively in the present moment rather than in our heads and in the past and future.