Jessica Graham - Good Sex: Getting Off Without Checking Out

Imagine the wisdom of meditation, the sexiness of truth, and the grace of vulnerability rolled into one joy-to-read book. This book is a treasure that will open your mind, awaken your heart, and ignite your body.

Shauna L. Shapiro, PhD, author of Mindful Discipline

An engaging, sincere, and insightful exploration that reveals how one can infuse sex with that magical something else that we long for. Supported by numerous helpful exercises and practices to help you get there. Definitely a good read!

Diana Richardson, author of The Heart of Tantric Sex; Tantric Orgasm for Women; Tantric Sex for Men; and Slow Sex

I cant imagine a person more qualified to write this book. Besides being a hardcore spiritual warrior, Jessica Graham has dedicated her life to exploring and understanding sexuality in all its forms.

Michael Taft, author of The Mindful Geek

A skilled mindfulness and meditation guide, Jessica Graham takes the deeply personal and spiritual art of mindfulness and shows us how it can be applied for massive change inside and out, and most importantly that sex should not be excluded but in fact is an integral part of that journey.

Moushumi Ghose, MA, MFT, author of Classic Sex Positions Reinvented

Mindfulness during sex means much more than banishing thoughts of the day or turning off your phone. Jessica Graham leads you through learning a meditative practice that enriches the connection with your partner and enhances your own sexual experience and the intensity of your orgasms. Even if youve never meditated beforeor considered it! Graham takes you step-by-step. Her candor about her own background makes this more than a self-help guideits a shared journey.

Joan Price, author of The Ultimate Guide to Sex after 50

Full of handy tips for exploring your sexuality and enhancing your pleasure.

Lorin Roche, author of The Radiance Sutras

In a world that shows us distorted views of sex and distracts from inner inquiry in general, Jessicas work clearly illustrates sex is truly a mindfulness practice. [Her] willingness to be vulnerable makes Good Sex accessible and useful.

Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex

Hidden within the colorful, fragrant, silky petals of physical love, lies a subtle treasure that transcends sensuality Jessica is eminently qualified to point people to this jewel in the lotus, and Good Sex connects the dots.

Shinzen Young, author of The Science of Enlightenment

In Good Sex, Jessica Graham offers clear, compassionate, and provocative instruction for integrating mindfulness and sexuality. Good Sex offers insight on how to use the dynamic realm of sexuality as a laboratory for mindfulness. This book is deep, accessible, kind, clear, edgy, and experiential. It is meant to inspire and ignite possibility in a world that still holds the illusion of a sex-spirit divide.

Deborah Eden Tull, Zen teacher, founder of Mindful Living Revolution, and author of Relational Mindfulness: Reclaiming Our Shared Power in an Age of Disconnect

Copyright 2017 by Jessica Graham. All rights reserved. No portion of this book, except for brief review, may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the written permission of the publisher. For information contact North Atlantic Books.

Published by

North Atlantic Books

Berkeley, California

Cover and book design by Debbie Berne

Printed in the United States of America

Good Sex: Getting Off without Checking Out is sponsored and published by the Society for the Study of Native Arts and Sciences (dba North Atlantic Books), an educational nonprofit based in Berkeley, California, that collaborates with partners to develop cross-cultural perspectives, nurture holistic views of art, science, the humanities, and healing, and seed personal and global transformation by publishing work on the relationship of body, spirit, and nature.

North Atlantic Books publications are available through most bookstores. For further information, visit our website at www.northatlanticbooks.com or call 800-733-3000.

Library of Congress Cataloguing-in-Publication data is available from the publisher upon request.

North Atlantic Books is committed to the protection of our environment. We partner with FSC-certified printers using soy-based inks and print on recycled paper whenever possible.

To the DJ of Life.

You are a goddamn warrior.

I love you.

Tim McKee, Alison Knowles, Bevin Donahue and the entire NAB Teamthank you for giving my book such a great home.

Maggie Marr

Debbie Berne

Christine Rose Elle

Jennifer Kamenetz

Rachel Neumann

Jacob Surpin

Lorraine Clark

Terri Saul

Shauna Shapiro

Hisae Matsuda

Shayan Asgharnia

Miranda July

Sarah Drescher

Louis C. Oberlander

Johnny Camacho

Margie Woods

Leslie Herrick

Gia Esquivel

Andreas Panosyan

Jennifer Howd

The Eastside Mindfulness Collective

Tristan Taormino

Ada Douglass

The Kirk-Dacker Family

Clark D. Schaefer

Richard Grossinger

Casey Marie Fischer and all the brave, beautiful, and sexy ladies of In Bed In LA.

David Schnarch, Ph.D. for writing Passionate Marriage.

My teachers, healers, and guides: Ellen Murphy, Susan Coates, Arnold McMahon, Kimberly Ann Johnson, Joshua Bitton, Jenoa Harlow, Dafna Laurie, Elizabeth Bast, Lindsay Frame, Shinzen Young, Saul Kotzubei, Adyashanti, Mukti, Greg Beckett, Lee Ann Teaney, Erin Smith, Alan Padula, Moushumi Ghose, and all the rest.

All my students and clients for inspiring me to keep growing no matter what.

My mom, Linda Clark, for reading to me, putting creativity first, and raising me to know that I could have spots and stripes.

My sisters Dian and Melanie, and my brother Sam. The thought of you guys chases any loneliness away.

All my lovers, past, present, and future.

Stella De Mont for being the best Best Friend ever. My Little One loves your Little One.

Tracy McMillan, for being your amazing and inspiring self and helping me to be mine. Thank you for ALL you do. You are instrumental in my evolution.

Michael Taft for introducing me to the writer inside of me, believing in me every step of the way, and of course, for destroying my life. This book would not exist without you.

Christopher Kelly, for loving me with such bravery and kindness. Thank you for inspiring me to always aim just slightly past my edge. Thank you for being the catalyst that launched me into the woman who could write this book. Thank you for being my man. I love you.

I have been in the trenches. I know what it is like to squeeze my eyes shut during sex and hope that my partner is doing the same, terrified of seeing or being seen. I know what it is like to be able to relax and ask for what I really want only when Im drunk. I know what its like to only be attracted to people who dont treat me all that well. To feel more alone during sex. To have sex with someone I dont even like. To wonder if my spiritual life will ever spill over into my sex life. I know how it feels to be told that my sexuality is wrong. I know the sound of me faking an orgasm. I know the feeling that there must be something more.

I have been there.

Somewhere along the way, I decided to make a change in my life. Now I know what it is to turn on the lights and look directly into my partners eyes as I come. I no longer need alcohol to help me relax or communicate. I have tools for working through periods of low sex drive. I can allow myself to be loved, respected, and treated with loving kindness. I know how to fully embody my pleasure, free from thoughts and anxiety. I now have a relationship that engages my sexual expression and is based on honesty and love. My spiritual life and sex life are interconnected. I dont allow the fears or judgments of others to dictate my sexual expression. I never, ever fake it. I have found that sexual discovery is endless.