Mandy Hale - The single woman: life, love, and a dash of sass

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The Single Woman

2013 by Amanda Hale

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Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, NIV. 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

ISBN 978-1-4003-2231-2

Printed in China

13 14 15 16 TIMS 6 5 4 3 2 1

If I have a better half, it is my family. Thisbook is dedicated to my mom and dad, Terriand Allen Hale, and my sister and brother-in-law, Cher and Kevin Kingmy supportsystem, my cheerleaders, my best friends.

To my precious grandmother, Nanny, whose loveof writing was ingrained in my spirit long beforeI was even old enough to read and whose ferventprayers have guided the direction of my life.

To my nieces, Emma and Oliviatwo sassysingle women in training, so smart and funnyand unique. I feel certain this will not be thelast time you see their names in print.

And to single girls everywhere who areaudacious enough to choose Happywith orwithout the Ever Afterthis book is for you.

Contents

I started The Single Woman movement in January 2010, not as a New Years resolution but as a revolution. I had just come out of an exponentially bad relationship of almost two years, one of those relationships that you completely lose yourself and your identity in, and finding your new place in the world after its all over feels much like learning to acclimate to living on another planet. I was thirty years old, I was beginning my life again, and after alienating most of my friends while I was in the relationship (because I didnt want to see the truth mirrored back at me about just how bad the relationship was), I was in desperate need of inspiration, of a mentor, of a BFF. I was ready to spread my wings, fly solo, and really celebrate my singleness, and I was looking for other female voices out there representing the positive, inspirational, joyful side of single life.

Unfortunately, those voices were nowhere to be found.

The bookstores offered hundreds of books celebrating love and marriage and parenthood and datingbooks instructing you on how to date a man, land a man, and keep a man, books detailing how to get anyone to fall in love with you, get married in less than a year, or even survive your single life, but not a word about celebrating your single life.

I checked my TV screen. Nope, definitely not there. There were shows about battling dozens of other women for the affections of one man (who, by the way, wasnt even that great), shows about dating in the dark, marrying a millionaire, and even winning the heart of a celebrity. But absolutely not one show celebrated the journey of the single woman. I checked the church, and although Jesus Himself was a single man, even most churches dont really know what to do with their singles. They teach classes on preparing for marriage, waiting for marriage, and praying for marriage, but what about just honoring exactly who you are in this moment instead of always prepping for the next phase of life?

Why was everyone treating single life as the prologue to marriage instead of a wildly beautiful adventure all its own?

I had exhausted all my possibilities and still couldnt find a voice of hope for single women among all the voices of discouragement, so I decided to become one.

I started a column, which soon led to The Single Woman Twitter page, which almost overnight began to pick up steam, which led to a Facebook page, which led to the creation of a website a year later, which led to an e-book, which led to this book you are holding in your hands right now. As of this moment, The Single Woman message reaches almost a million people across the world every single day.

It seems I wasnt the only one looking for a voice. A lot of you out there dont agree with the version of single life youre seeing portrayed in society and pop culture.

Instead of single and fabulous, the life of a single woman in her late twenties and beyond is all too often labeled single and desperate. Instead of viewed as a choice, single seems to denote a lack of options. Everyone seems to want to meddle in the life of the woman who refuses to settle: setting her up on endless dates with guys she has no interest in, calling her desperate, lonely, or too picky, or asking, Whats wrong with her?

I would like to propose that the question we should be asking is, Whats right with her? The way I see it, the solitude, bravery, and uncertain path of the modern-day single woman is something to be applauded as bold and courageous and unique, not lauded as sad or pathetic or weak. As single women, and especially for those of us in our late twenties and beyond, we have racked up countless hours celebrating the choices of our married counterpartshelping them shop for wedding dresses, stepping into an endless stream of really bad bridesmaid dresses, elbowing other women out of the way more times than we care to admit to try to catch that elusive bouquet (praying that maybe, just maybe, if we reach out far enough, well catch not only the bouquet but also our own dreams of wearing that white dress to Forever). Is it too much to ask, then, to expect society to celebrate us and our choices? To throw a festival of fabulousness in our honor, to cheer us single women on for being courageous enough to search for ourselves instead of endlessly searching for a mate?

Love is a beautiful, wonderful, and even sacred thing, but until it arrives, shouldnt we give ourselves permission to thrive?

The thing that the movies, greeting cards, and your great-aunt Ida (who shoots sympathetic looks your way and slips copies of TheOldMaids SurvivalGuide to you at family gatherings) fail to portray is an accurate picture of the life of the single woman. I dont know about you, but I like being able to spend money on myself without asking anyones permission. I like to take myself out on a weekly date to the bookstore or the movies and spend time in my own company. I like staying in my pajamas all day long and watching Friends reruns while eating a box of Oreos and not feeling guilty about it.

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