Advance Praise for Personality Isnt Permanent
This is a generous, empowering and purposeful book. If youre ready, it will help you unlock a future that you may have been brainwashed into believing wasnt possible. Worth sharing a copy with someone you care about.
Seth Godin, author of This Is Marketing
Personality Isnt Permanent is possibly the best self-help book Ive ever read, and a book that will redefine the genre. After this book, its no longer good enough to talk about untested theoryBen backs everything up with both amazing stories and cutting edge, tested science, while still making it actionable to anyone. Best part: this is the book that destroys all the useless personality test peddlers that infect the world.
Tucker Max, New York Times bestselling author
In Personality Isnt Permanent, Dr. Hardy crushes an outdated paradigm and gives you the process to create a bigger, bolder future.
JJ Virgin, New York Times bestselling author
Ben Hardy is proof of what he writes about. He keeps getting better and betterand so can you.
Ryan Holiday, bestselling author of Stillness Is the Key
For those looking to up their game, Personality Isnt Permanent is more than a hopeful and fascinating read, it is utterly applicable. In the crowded space of self-help/business, Benjamin Hardys book is a game changer.
Richard Paul Evans, New York Times bestselling author
Personality Isnt Permanent beautifully illustrates why people get stuck and provides a science-based process to help you transform yourself and your life. This is required reading for anyone who wants to improve their self-awareness and success!
Dr. Tasha Eurich, New York Times bestselling author of Insight and Bankable Leadership
Personality Isnt Permanent is a supremely brilliant work and a must read. Addressing trauma and addiction in a hopeful and impactful way. You can rewrite your story.
Glenn Morshower, award-winning actor, producer, and director
Dr. Hardy enlightens you on the role trauma plays in shaping your personality. Change is possible when past traumas are healed. Personality is in a continual state of change. This book will help you write your future story.
Dr. Donald Wood, founder and CEO of Inspired Performance Institute
PORTFOLIO / PENGUIN
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
penguinrandomhouse.com
Copyright 2020 by Benjamin Hardy
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Hardy, Benjamin, author.
Title: Personality isnt permanent : break free from self-limiting beliefs and rewrite your story / Benjamin Hardy.
Description: New York : Portfolio, 2020. | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2020002302 (print) | LCCN 2020002303 (ebook) | ISBN 9780593083314 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780593083321 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Personality. | Motivation (Psychology) | Self-actualization (Psychology)
Classification: LCC BF698 .H337 2020 (print) | LCC BF698 (ebook) | DDC 155.2dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020002302
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020002303
pid_prh_5.5.0_c0_r0
For Lauren.
Thank you for betting on me when it made no sense and for continuing to bet on me.
It still doesnt make much sense.
I love you forever.
May our future always be brighter than our past.
Contents
A painting is never finishedit simply stops in interesting places.
Paul Gardner
INTRODUCTION
A Personality Test Almost Ruined My Life
My wifethe woman I love the most in the world and have five wonderful children withalmost didnt marry me... because of a personality test.
A very popular personality test while I was in college was called the Color Code, which categorizes people into one of four colors. Reds are your type A go-getters, driven by ambition and self-interest. Blues are heart-centered and relationship-based. Whites are introspective and often passive. Yellows seek fun and are the life of the party.
Lauren was a Red. So when her family found out that I was a White, they were very concerned. Lauren had previously been married to an abusive and self-absorbed guy, who was also a Red. Her parents thought, given her interest in me, that she might be going too far in the opposite direction to compensate. Or that she was being overly cautious to avoid the trauma of her prior marriage.
Like many others who put stock in personality tests, Laurens family considered the Color Code to have some validity and truth. They saw people through the tests lensas one of four types.
If this guy is a White, and shes a Red, shes going to walk all over him, were their genuine concerns. She needs a real man, not a White.
She was wondering the same thing. Could a Red and a White really work together? Whites rarely get promoted at work. Whites are pushovers. Whites are dreamers but dont stick to long-term goals.
Luckily for me, Lauren gave me a chance. She got to know me, and after we were together awhile in a great relationship, she took the leap of faith against her prejudgment of Whites and her parents initial concerns.
Lauren and I laugh about this now, happily married with five kids and fourteen years of combined formal psychology education later. But the fact remains: A personality test almost ruined our life together.
Im not the only one whos been misdiagnosed or unfairly limited by a personality test. In fact, you likely have also fallen prey to this epidemic. The Color Code is just one of countless popular personality frameworks sweeping through modern culture. Some other major culprits include the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, the DISC assessment, the Winslow Personality Test, NEO, HEXACO, Birkman, Enneagram, inkblots, and more.
The list goes on and it doesnt stop. It wont stop. It seems like hundreds of new tests are devised every single day.
The obsession with personality is so ridiculous that in 2019 Facebook had to ban personality quizzes and other apps with minimal utility. This happened after more than 87 million people had given away their personal information in exchange for the answer to a personality quiz.
Personality tests can be interesting, entertaining, and playful, yes. But theres a dark reality about them, and the entire notion of personality in general, which limitsand in some cases ruinsthe lives of countless people.
The mainstream perspective is that your personality is the real and authentic you. Your personality is innate and, for the most part,