Brad Montague - Rediscovering What Matters and Remembering How to Fly

For my family

This book is a work of love, which was written just for you.

And I am happy to report the stories found within are true.

However, in some casesparents, children, and schools, you seethe names have been changed to protect all privacy.

I dont know the exact moment they allowed me to begin sitting at the grownups table. I do know I have yet to feel comfortable at it.

Growing up! It seemed like a good idea. Actually, it seemed like a great idea. Grownups have keys to cars, they can eat ice cream anytime they want, and they have all the answers. All of them.

Answers were something I wanted, and something Im still wanting.

It all seemed so simple. Growing up would just happen to me. I had it all figured out: One day I would wake up and enter the kingdom of adulthood. Magically, this transition would be accompanied with facial hair, knowledge of tax laws, and a keen ability to find great deals, parking spaces, and difficult answers to crossword puzzles. Basically, I would know everything. Absolutely everything.

Cue high school graduation. Nothing. I walk the stage a bit wiser, I think. I touch my faceonly minimal beard growth. Definitely no knowledge of tax laws. I come to the conclusion that my adulthood superpowers just havent quite kicked in yet. Cue college graduation: same. Marriage? Lovely, but now there are two of us who dont have it all figured out. Cue childrenand this is when, for me, panic really begins to set in. Now there are other little humans being brought into this mess and no answers. None.

I need those magic grownup powers. Maybe you do, too?

Before we go any further, its only proper that I let you know something: I am no expert. There, I said it. In fact, when it comes to most things, Im what some might call gloriously inept. To ease my conscience Ive pulled together a short, and by no means comprehensive, list of things Im not great at (see below).

A FEW THINGS BRAD CANT DO

(PARTIAL LIST ONLY)

MATH

EAT WITH A FORK

ATHLETICS

FIND CAR KEYS

SIT IN CHAIR

ORGANIZE CLOSETS

PRONOUNCE GIF CORRECTLY

FIND CAR KEYS

(Seriously. If you see them let me know.)

BUTTON SHIRTS PROPERLY

OPEN BOXES

ROLL TONGUE

WORK HEAVY MACHINERY

SPREADSHEETS

FITTED SHEETS

REMEMBER PASSWORDS

FIND CAR

(HEY, I found my keys. Not sure where I parked.)

YOGA WITHOUT LAUGHING

DIRECTIONS

EVEN (as in CANT EVEN)

and the newly discovered:

BEGIN A BOOK WITHOUT WRITING SOMETHING EMBARRASSING

Now that thats out of the way, I can let you know that Im at least trying to be great at one thing: being a grownup. Despite my best efforts, I am what some would refer to as a grownup. I still cant help strongly relating to Antoine de Saint-Exuprys words in The Little Prince, though. He says, I have lived a great deal among grown-ups. I have seen them intimately, close at hand. And that hasnt much improved my opinion of them. True words, right? There are many who give being a grownup a really bad look. Youre already thinking of names. Be nice.

For me, it was shortly after discovering I would be a father that I dubbed my life Operation Be a Better Grownup. It was a wake-up call. This meant stepping up and becoming the dad Id always promised myself Id be. This meant becoming fully alive so that I could truly make this tiny new life proud. This meant coming to terms with the fact that I had no idea what to do next.

I feverishly set out to learn from anyone and everyone what it might mean to be a better adult human person. I began listening more, something I wasnt necessarily great at. I spent time with young people and old people. I confronted what it might mean to be a bad grownup. I questioned the virtues of maybe being just a boring grownup. Best of all, though, I began to dream about what it might look like to be a great grownup. The kind of grownup Id always wanted to become. The kind of grownup Id forgotten I could be. The kind of grownup that the kids of the world need us to be.

Its been both refreshing and frightening to discover that most of the adults I once looked to for guidance felt as clueless as I currently do. I spent years leaning on them for advice on how to do this life thing, and the whole time they also had no clue where to put their salad fork, either. That fourth-grade teacher who transformed the way I see the world and myself in it? She was a scared, new teacher just trying to figure it all out. That mentor I go to so often for advice on how to be fulfilled in my family and career? Hes trying to make sense of his place on this planet, too. My mother, who nurtured me, inspired me, and loved me into being? She was an overjoyed and terrified young woman, and I was her first child.