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Therese Oneill - Ungovernable: The Victorian Parents Guide to Raising Flawless Children

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Copyright 2019 by Therese Oneill Cover design by Lauren Harms Cover photograph - photo 1

Copyright 2019 by Therese Oneill

Cover design by Lauren Harms

Cover photograph by Vintage Images / Alamy Stock Photo

Author photograph by Tina Heinrich

Cover 2019 Hachette Book Group, Inc.

Hachette Book Group supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.

The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the authors intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the authors rights.

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First ebook edition: April 2019

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ISBN 978-0-316-48189-2

E3-20190327-JV-NF-ORI

Unmentionable The Victorian Ladys Guide to Sex Marriage and Manners To the - photo 2

Unmentionable: The Victorian Ladys Guide to Sex, Marriage, and Manners

To the Two Mothers to Whom I Owe Everyone I Love

Sandra Balmer Nagel 19432011

Gloria Schilling Smith 19242017

They were magnificent, and they never would have done any of the things in this book.

Discover Your Next Great Read Get sneak peeks book recommendations and news - photo 3

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Explore book giveaways sneak peeks deals and more Tap here to learn more - photo 4

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T his book is full of true information about child-rearing in the nineteenth - photo 5

T his book is full of true information about child-rearing in the nineteenth - photo 6

T his book is full of true information about child-rearing in the nineteenth century. I describe real attitudes, real practices, real children. I have culled from that era what is strange, incredible, and darkly funny, particularly as it related to the upper class of both America and Britain.

This is handpicked history, not comprehensive.

The nineteenth century was, for many children, the most horrible time in history to be alive. Cities formed quick and dirty, and they were lawless, full of uncontrolled disease, crowding, exploitation, and abuse. People suffered tremendously as they tried to find their footing in a brutal new world. Children suffered worst of all.

There are many books that can educate you about that suffering. This isnt one of them.

I will address but not dwell on the misery of this era: the fact that during some periods of the nineteenth century the child mortality rate was at 50 percent, or that child labor laws didn't exist, or that there was no such thing as child abuse until late in the century, when the ASPCA decided to incorporate children into their protection along with dogs and horses. I wrote Ungovernable to entertain and inform; I didnt write it to slug you in the stomach.

It is my dearest hope that the historically accurate pieces of child-rearing advice, lore, and anecdotes I relate here will leave you stupefied and shocked. I hope the style I have set it in will be a thrill of an introduction and will allow you to pursue the topics deeper (and darker) if you desire. Thank you.

Therese Oneill

We need to talk S o Here is where your life choices have deposited - photo 7

We need to talk.

S o Here is where your life choices have deposited you Lets take a look - photo 8

S o. Here is where your life choices have deposited you. Lets take a look, shall we?

Your bloodshot eyes and slouchy slept-in clothing. Your once-taut belly lapping over the yoga pants that will never come any closer to a yoga studio than the 7-Eleven it shares a parking lot with.

But heres some good news! Youve finally found a way to make the baby sleep: you just have to keep one hand on her tummy while using your other hand to keep the wind-up baby swing swaying at precisely three-fourths time, and run the vacuum and dishwasher simultaneously, while making sure the spit-up-encrusted blanket she wont let you wash is tucked snugly around her left shoulder but never touching the right.

Now you are enjoying the first stillness of your day. Youve made a little nest out of the least offensive dirty laundry that was clean yesterday before your older child overturned the basket from the sofa and used it to cage your middle child, who, defying six months of potty training, chose tactical targeted urination as an effective defense.

You went to rewash the towels but then both boys started throwing up, so the laundry that was merely peed upon had to take a back seat to that which had been puked on. The layer of plastic toys (the cheap, mass-produced cartoon abominations you swore youd never buy) jab you through your makeshift bed, but the blessed side of total exhaustion is that you hardly feel them. Plus, ever since the last baby compensated for her slippery-quick birth by doing unspeakable things to your pelvic floor with her exit, youve accepted that pain is just part of life now. Lets lie back onto the intricately finger-painted yogurt stains that cover your couch, and reflect.

You wanted a baby. You wanted to love another human and shape them into a gift to give the world. Now, in your darkest hours, you fantasize about yourself before children, smugly popping each blue birth control pill out of its foil into your toilet. Had you access to a time machine, you believe youd use it to push into that bathroom, rip the towel rack off the wall, and knock your idiot self into the tub. Then youd fish every last pill out of the bowl. It doesnt matter if theyve dissolved back then you kept the toilet clean! The powder will dry and you can mix it with the expensive yogurt you used to buy, in the Before Time.

And here you are. Huddled in garbage, chained like a low-rent Princess Leia to a pumpkin-sized Jabba the Hut, fantasizing about time machines and toilet pills. Aw, honey. Its okay. This is a confusing time in your life.

Youre a twenty-first-century parent living in a world where the rules of proper parenting change by the hour. And youre starting to think theyre

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