Koziarz - Why her?: 6 truths we need to hear when measuring up leaves us falling behind

We want to be thankful for our life... but comparison so easily steals this perspective from us. Thats why Im so thankful Nicki steps right into our most vulnerable places with practical ways to regain our confidence while also celebrating the success of those around us. Why Her? is the resource we all need to love the unique calling weve been handpicked for by God Himself.

Lysa TerKeurst , New York Times best-selling author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries

This book is simply amazing. I love how Nicki Koziarz can weave the stories of her experiences with the tale of two sisters, Leah and Rachel, like no other. Simply a must-read for every woman, especially if you have listened to the lies in your own head that you dont measure up. Stop the comparison struggle and learn how you alone are loved and wonderful, just the way God made you to be.

Kelly C. , Why Her focus group participant

Shes funnier than me. I wish I were as smart as she is. If I were just as trim as she is. Confession: all those thoughts have run through my mind! The comparison trap is so, so easy to fall into. And, I know Im not alone in this; most women get caught in the comparison trap. Thats why Im really grateful Nicki is tackling this topic in such an honest, real-life way. She makes you feel safe if you struggle with this and she gives you practical, biblical ways to get free and live with confidence instead of comparisons.

Jennifer Rothschild , best-selling author and speaker

I have lived so many of my years unconsciously asking the why her? question. Nicki Koziarz helped me see how that one question has shaped so many decisions in my life. I recommend this book to every womanbecause all of us, at one time or another, have struggled with comparison. Reading this book had me shaking my head in agreement, tilting my head in hmmm... , and bowing my head in praise! Read this book... and discover how you can stop comparing yourself to her.

Anita F. , Why Her focus group participant

I know firsthand how comparison can be a joy-killer. Nicki offers practical ways to identify and defeat comparison, pulling it out by its roots once and for all. I also love how Nicki reminds us to champion others successes and genuinely love like Christ does. I will definitely use this book as a resource for when I am tempted to answer the call of comparison and unworthiness.

Candace Payne , author of Laugh It Up: Embrace Freedom and Experience Defiant Joy , speaker, and viral video star

The title of Nickis book, Why Her? is a question I have often asked myself. Nickis words helped me to learn how to conquer all the ugliness that comparison can bring to my soul. Her words and truths were practical and biblically based. I will use these truths to overcome the lies of comparison and to bring greater peace to my soul. This is a book women of all ages should read and take to heart.

Julie W. , Why Her focus group participant

Nicki covers a topic I believe many people struggle with but are ashamed to admit: Comparison. Why Her? takes an honest look at the comparison struggle and uncovers all of those not-so-pretty feelings we deal with. Nicki gives us personal and relatable stories from her past and dissects the struggle between two well-known sisters of the Bible. Most importantly, she also gives us strategies to overcome these feelings and encourages us to be the best us that God has created us to be.

Kathi Lipp , best-selling author and speaker

Copyright 2018 by Nicki Koziarz

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America

978-1-4627-5088-7

Published by B&H Publishing Group

Nashville, Tennessee

Dewey Decimal Classification: 248.843

Subject Heading: WOMEN \ SELF-IMPROVEMENT \ SELF-REALIZATION

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Christian Standard Bible, Copyright 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible and CSB are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

Also used: English Standard Version ( esv ), copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. ESV Text Edition: 2007. All rights reserved.

Also used: Holy Bible, New International Version ( niv) , copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Also used: New Living Translation ( nlt ), copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Also used: The Message ( msg ), copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson.

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To my mom

the woman who taught me to dance like no one is watching,sing like no one is listening,and do the things only I can do.

Acknowledgments

Behind every one of these words is a faithful, loving, and kind husband. Kris Koziarz, you are a gift to me. Thank you for always believing in me, helping me sort through things, and giving me the space I need to do what I do. Youre the best and I love this life God has given us together.

To my girls, Taylor, Hope, and Kennedy, you are a joy to be a momma to. Thank you for how gracious and understanding you were throughout the writing of this book. Im so proud of you!

Lysa TerKeurst. Ill always give you the highest praise for your investment into my writing and speaking. Its a gift to have learned from the best. Thank you for being so generous in sharing your calling in a posture of leading others so they can learn from you.

Meredith Brock. You are by far the most supportive, caring, and go-getter woman I know. Thank you for pushing me, encouraging me, and representing me in all the things related to this project. You are one of the reasons I know God is good.

Melissa Taylor and the OBS team. I am forever grateful. Forever. I love this online community and each of you so much.

Proverbs 31 speakers, writers, and staff, WOW. What a team I get to be part of! You are all the wisest, godliest, and most creative people on the planet. I am so incredibly thankful for you.

Danya Jordan. One word: sparklers. Thank you. Just thank you.

B&H and Lifeway team. You guys are A-MAZING. Thank you for believing in this project and working so hard to make it happen.

Heather Nunn. Thank you for the prayers, kindness, and support you showed throughout the beginning stages of this book. You are a gift!

Lawrence. Thank you for your wisdom, guidance, and the big fancy words you brought into my life. Ive learned so much from you, and its been an honor to work with you.

David Abernathy. Your fingerprints are all over this project. Thank you for answering my gazillion questions and giving me insight about this story I would never have had without your help.

Holly M., Amy Lykins, Wendy P., Meg, Nichole Stern, Aunt Michelle, Karen C., Lisa Allen, Jen Schmidt, Kim Stewart, Whitney, Krista W., Shelly F., the Why Her focus group, and the countless others who prayed, processed, cheered, and encouraged me through this season, thank you. What a gift to have a community that cares.

And last but not least... to my dad. Shes so proud of us. I know she is.

Introduction

We Have to Start Here

At some point in the core of every womans soul, an ache begins to form. It starts with a glance or a glare, a conversation or a comment. It digs down deep into the wonder of our worth. But it ultimately takes the shape of a quiet question: