George N. Collins, MA, is founder and director of Compulsion Solutions, an outpatient counseling service in the San Francisco Bay Area specializing in the treatment of sexually compulsive behavior. A former sex addict himself, Collins is a professional member of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health and is recognized as an expert on sexually compulsive behavior. Visit him online at www.compulsionsolutions.com.
Andrew Adleman, MA, is a writer and book editor in the greater Los Angeles area. He has also worked in the movie industry and as a psychotherapist.
Breaking the Cycle by George Collins is a 911 call that can save your life and those you love from sex addiction, porn obsession, and shame. Honest, stark, hard-hitting and yet hopeful, Collins lays out the steps required to wrestle self-control back from your sexually compulsive impulses. In your darkest time, Breaking the Cycle brings the light you are looking for!
Don Elium, MFT, adjunct faculty at John F. Kennedy University and author of Raising a Son
Prior to reading this book, I had been acting out my sexually compulsive behaviors for forty years. Each chapter is filled with specific experiences and emotions that I have struggled with in the past. As a result of the techniques described in this book, my addiction has faded away.
Ralph, sex addict in recovery in Rhode Island
This book offers a raw look into the world of sex addicts. George Collins courageous self-revelation of his own sex addiction has helped hundreds of men and women to find what is essential for rehabilitation inside themselves. His Ill pay you to just be honest conversation with the sex worker and client was itself worth the cost of the book!
Don L. Mathews, MFT, director of the Impulse Treatment Center
This is gripping stuff, and a real page-turner of a book. The real-life stories have the ring of truth, and the dialogue is unmistakably real. The use of trenchant, memorable lines, like, you cant get enough of what wont satisfy you, really get the message across.
Bob, sex addict in recovery in California
This book draws on over twenty-five years of Collins work with hundreds of clients. The book is practical and clearly presents excellent exercises that can help readers progressively free themselves from the grip of sexual compulsions. Most of all, it provides hope.
Mark Robinett, MFT, therapist in San Francisco and San Rafael, CA
Collins take on the mental obsession leading to physical addiction and subsequent negative consequence is pure poetry for the troubled romantic soul. Even if you are NOT an addict, you will find this book a useful GPS to navigate new neighborhoods of abnormal thinking in people you know or will encounter someday. On a personal note, I am honored to be mentioned and I am grateful he didnt abbreviate First Thought Wrong even one time. Thank you, George, for taking First Thought Wrong from sexual to helpful, hopeful and safe.
Mark Lundholm, internationally recognized stand-up comedian and creator of The Recovery Board Game and the DVD series Humor in Treatment
Publishers Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright 2010 by George N. Collins
New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Avenue
Oakland, CA 94609
www.newharbinger.com
All Rights Reserved
Author photograph by James Fidelibus
Acquired by Jess OBrien Cover design by Amy Shoup
Epub ISBN: 9781608820856
The Library of Congress has Cataloged the Print Edition as:
Collins, George N.
Breaking the cycle : free yourself from sex addiction, porn obsession, and shame / George N. Collins with Andrew Adleman.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-60882-083-2 (pbk.) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-084-9 (pdf e-book) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-085-6 (epub)
1. Sex addiction. 2. Sex addiction--Treatment. I. Adleman, Andrew. II. Title.
RC560.S43C65 2011
616.85833--dc23
2011023262
To my wife, Paldrom, who has brought light and truth to my life.
Contents
Acknowledgments
Firstly, thank you to Recovery, Incorporated which, early on, was a literal lifesaver in helping me prepare to face my addiction. Much appreciation goes to my brother, Charles, and my sister, Denise, who each encouraged me to pursue my education. I also want to acknowledge my cosponsors Mike, Roger, and Rob, as well as Don Mathews, MFT, all of whom were a great help through my early recovery. I am grateful for the wisdom of Ramana Maharshi, which has been a positive influence on my counseling practice. I want to thank my colleagues at Compulsion SolutionsGreg Brian, James Gallegos, and Faye Reitmanfor their dedication and hard work. Thank you to my cowriter and friend, Andrew Adleman, for translating my ramblings and ideas into readable text. Thanks also to the staff at New Harbinger Publications for their gracious guidance with the editing and publishing process. And, finally, thank you to all my current and former clients, who continue to be my greatest teachers.
Introduction
Bob nervously watched the big TV as the seconds counted down to Super Bowl halftime and the football teams left the field. Its halftime, said Bob to his wife. Im going to make a quick business call.
Bob got up from the couch and walked down the hall to his oak-paneled office. Already lost in his addiction, his mind was cluttered with images regarding what he was going to see on the computer screen. Bob was in such a hurry that he quickly shut the door behind him, neglecting to turn the lock. He rushed to his large desk, sat in the luxury leather office chair, and flipped on the thirty-inch monitor. Out the window was an incredible view of the mountains, but Bob didnt see it. His eyes saw only the computer screen as his fingers quickly reached the website he wanted. Having been there so many times, he was able to quickly sign in and navigate to a specific video. Finally, it started.
Bob pulled down his sweat pants so his genitals were exposed. He moved into just the right position in the chair and began his very familiar ritual of masturbating to these types of images and videos. He had seen hundreds over the years. His wife had caught him three times, and the last time she had said that the next time would be it for their marriage. Bob had tried to stop, but didnt. So here he was again, thinking of nothing else but the images on the screen.
On his monitor was a video of a young woman being forcefully held down and sodomized by three men in masks. Although Bob had never done this in real life (and most likely never would), watching domination is what got him the most turned on. His right hand in motion, Bob got more and more excited. He was lost. Gone. And he didnt hear the door start to open. Bob usually double-checked the lock on the door, and, like most addicts, he lived with the illusion that he would never slip up. But this time he was in such a hurry to do what he needed and get back to the game that he thought the door was locked. It wasnt.
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