Bernstein - Judgment detox: release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life

North Star Way

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Copyright 2018 by Gabrielle Bernstein, Inc.

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First North Star Way hardcover edition January 2018

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Interior design by Bryden Spevak

Jacket design by Ella Laytham

Author photograph Chloe Crespi Photography

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Bernstein, Gabrielle, author.

Title: Judgment detox : release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life / Gabrielle Bernstein.

Description: New York : North Star Way, 2018.

Identifiers: LCCN 2017021778| ISBN 9781501168963 (hardback) | ISBN

9781501168994 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Self-actualization (Psychology) | Judgment. | Happiness. |

BISAC: SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Happiness. | SELF-HELP /

Motivational

& Inspirational. | BODY, MIND & SPIRIT / Inspiration & Personal Growth.

Classification: LCC BF637.S4 B4747 2018 | DDC 158dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017021778

ISBN 978-1-5011-6896-3

ISBN 978-1-5011-6899-4 (ebook)

My fingers are trembling as I begin this introduction. I have a limiting belief on repeat: Who are you to write a book called Judgment Detox ? You judge all the time!

I take a deep breath and pull myself together. I have a book deal, a deadline, and a commitment. Ive got to write this book.

I sit in stillness with my hands on the keyboard. I take a deep breath and continue typing.

I sigh with relief and accept that the more honest and authentic I am about my own struggles with judgment, the better this book will be. I accept that my suffering is yours. No matter how spiritual, kind, or compassionate we may be, we all suffer from judgment. Judgment is all-pervasive.

My commitment as a spiritual teacher is to keep it real. In order for this relationship to work I have to tell you the truth.

So here goes:

I struggle with judgment every day. I judge far and I judge wide. I judge strangers for divergent political views. I judge acquaintances on social media for the comments they make. I judge the way people discipline their children. I judge the girl moving too slowly in the line ahead of me. I judge my husband for not responding to me exactly how I want him to respond. And of course I judge myself for just about everything.

For years I tried to justify or rationalize or dismiss what seemed like innocent enough behavior. We get a quick hit of self-righteousness when we judge others. Its a reliable little crutch when we feel hurt, insecure, or vulnerable. Our judgments toward others seem to make us feel better than themsmarter, savvier, more enlightened, healthier, or wealthier.

Inevitably, though, this feeling fades. When I judge, I feel my energy weaken and my thoughts darken. Time and time again, judgment left me feeling deeply uncomfortable, isolated, and out of alignment with the woman I want to be.

My definition of judgment for this book is pretty straightforward: separation from love. The moment we see ourselves as separate from anyone else, we detour into a false belief system that is out of alignment with our true nature, which is love. Deep down we are all loving, kind, and compassionate beings. There are many spiritual terms for this truth, such as Buddha nature , spirit , source , and God . Throughout the book Ill refer to this truthful state as love . This separation from love is the force behind everything from playground bullying to systemic racism, xenophobic world leaders, and even terrorism. We are living in divisive times, and separation has become the norm. When we feel attacked by someone, our response is to attack back. We feel justified in fighting back and defending ourselves from attack. Of course this only creates more separation, compounding the problem. The Internet, unfortunately, can exacerbate this issue. We see people of all ages cyberbullying others via social media with devastating consequences. There are so many stories of high school and college students committing suicide over negative posts and harassment, and even more cases of otherwise happy people finding themselves depressed after comparing their lives to the curated galleries on photo-sharing apps.

For more than a decade as a spiritual student and teacher, Ive committed to taking an honest inventory of my fear, judgment, and separation. Through my willingness and honesty Ive been able to heal my struggles with judgment. Throughout this book I will tell you the truth about my suffering and Ill share the lessons that have benefitted me. These are lessons that I practice daily, and which have given me great relief. While I still struggle with judgment, Ive experienced a miraculous shift. Let me be clear: The miracle is not that Ive rid myself of all judgmental thoughts. The miracle is that I no longer believe in them. So while the habit of judgment continues to challenge me, through my spiritual practice Ive come to accept that judgment is not who I am.

To begin the journey of healing judgment and restoring love, we must recognize that we all have the same problem and the same solution. Our problem is that we separated from love and the solution is to return to love.

Lets try to understand why we separated from love in the first place. From a spiritual perspective, our lifes hang-ups stem from this moment of separation, when our internal voice of fear (our ego) led us astray from love, compassion, and oneness. Our separation from love can be the result of a deeply traumatic experience or a seemingly insignificant event. Regardless of the trigger, however, it first happens the moment we come to see ourselves as separate from others or not good enough in some way.

The separation from love can begin as early as infancy. Babies can be born into a hostile environment that leaves them neglected and with the belief that they are unprotected in an unsafe world. Or the separation can come the moment children notice they are being treated differently because of their race or religion or gender. In that instant their sense of oneness is taken from them, and they learn to see the divisiveness of the world.

At some point in our childhood, most of us are told were not smart enough, strong enough, or pretty enough, or that we lack some other positive quality. We then start to see ourselves as apart from others. This separation makes us feel alone in the world.

The separation can also spawn from the desire to feel special or better than. For instance, a child who grows up witnessing the consequences of privilege may come to believe the false notion that people with money are special.