Lauveng - A road back from schizophrenia a memoir

T he reason I am writing this book is that I am a former schizophrenic. This sounds just as impossible as former AIDS patient or former diabetic. A former schizophrenic is something that basically doesnt exist. It is a role that is never offered. You may be a misdiagnosed schizophrenic. You are also allowed to be a symptom-free schizophrenic, who is able to keep the sickness in check with medical aids, or you can be a schizophrenic who manages to live with your symptoms or is just going through a good period. There is nothing wrong with these alternatives, but they are not true to my situation. I have been schizophrenic. I know how it was. I know how the world looked then, how it was perceived, what I was thinking, and what I had to do. I have also experienced good periods. I know how these felt. And I know how things are now. This is something completely different. Now, I am healthy. That label needs to be allowed as well.

It is not easy to estimate exactly how long I was sick because it took years to slowly glide into the decease, and it took years to crawl out again. I suffered from suicidal thoughts and distorted senses for years before anyone knew that I was becoming a schizophrenic. And I had gained much healthiness, safety, and insight long before the system officially realized that I would be free of the disease. Both sickness and healthiness are processes and levels and cannot really be given a set time frame. However, I first started to be sick as early as fourteen or fifteen years old. When I was seventeen, I was admitted for the first time. After that, it was back and forth, in and out, with shorter and longer stays for years. The shortest hospitalizations would just be a couple of days or weeks at the ER; other admissions would last for months; and the longest lasted for one to two years at closed or open wards, voluntary or by force. Altogether, I was hospitalized for between six and seven years. The last time I was admitted, I was twenty-six years old, but at that time I was getting better, even though it might not have been as apparent to others as it was to me.

I dont believe that my story is anything more than my own story. It may not be true for everyone. But it is a different story than what people first diagnosed with schizophrenia may be told; therefore, I find it important to share. When I was sick, doctors told me only one story. They said that I was sick, that it was something I was born with, that it would last for my entire life, and that I would have to learn how to live with it. This was not a story that suited me. This was not a story that gave me courage and strength and hope at a time when I more than ever before needed courage and strength and hope. It was not a story that did me any good. And, in my case, nor was it a true story. But it was the only story I received.

After becoming healthy, I became a psychologist. This education has shown me that even if I overlook my private story, and myself, there are many other stories to share with people diagnosed with schizophrenia and the people that work and live with them. So, I will share a couple more, and some of my own. These stories may not be fitting for everyone. Life is large and complicated and intricate, and there are no universal answers. Universal answers are for math, not for real life. In other words, none of these stories represent the one, large, common Truth. But all the stories are true.