Cruise - The 3 choices: discover the hidden choices that will change your life and unlock your inner power

Free e-Newsletters
from Hay House, the Ultimate
Resource for Inspiration

Be the first to know about Hay Houses dollar deals, free downloads, special offers, affirmation cards, giveaways, contests and more!

	Get exclusive excerpts from our latest releases and videos from Hay House Present Moments.
	Enjoy uplifting personal stories, how-to articles and healing advice along with videos and empowering quotes within Heal Your Life.
	Have an uplifting story to tell and a passion for writing? Sharpen your writing skills with insider tips from Your Writing Life.

Visit www.hayhouse.com to sign-up today

Its better to be alone than in the wrong relationship. Never settle for anything less than what you want and desire.

Rick Ayers, Sams dad and my father-in-law

After you truly discover and choose to be who you are at your core, it is the most freeing thing you could ever feel. I am so proud to say to myself every day, I LOVE ME. I have never felt more intelligent and confident about who I am as a husband, father, brother, son, author, trainer, and dancer. But the important point of my story here is that once you choose to love yourself, life gets pretty amazing. So you might as well start doing it before life fast-forwards and, before you know it, your gray-haired self is watching your kids grow up in seconds. Trust meIm the one who waited 39 years to choose to accept my identity. Its been seven years now since Ive come out as a gay man, and since then my life has been truly blessed.

My mastering of the three choices brought me, finally, to a place where I knew exactly who I was as a person and loved myself for who I was. I knew what I wanted out of life by knowing who I truly was. I am someone who cherishes relationships, needs calm in my life, and loves the comfort of family and friends. Because I identified who I was at my core, I never have to settle in any aspect of my life, whether its career, health, relationshipsyou name it.

Ultimately the three choices are all about loving yourself. Be Imperfectly You, Dont Hold Your Breath, Move to Improve... each is a simple act of self-love. Each time you give yourself the time and energy to make one of these choices, you are standing in the sun saying to yourself, I am deserving. And you are! You deserve your own love and support, to make yourself a priority, to feel good, to have what you want and what you really want. You deserve all the love you desire from others. You deserve everything.

Now, I cant promise you will find your soul mate. (I am not in control of anyones journey or path.) But I can tell you the path that led me to mine.

And it can be all summed up in two simple words...

Never Settle

After my divorce, I felt intimidated at the thought of dating. I didnt have a little black book saved from before I met my wife. Sure, Id had a few relationships in my young adulthood with women, but never with a man. This was a whole new workout for me to learn, so to say. However, with the help of the three choices, I came to understand that Im someone who cherishes connection. So, while I was in no rush, I knew that I would want to find love again when the time was right.

But, boy, did dating change over those last 20 years! From swiping right on a dating app to having to learn the hard way that you can never assume youre monogamous, I definitely had my ups and downs. But I was determined to keep going, to live into the three choices, to not to settle for anything less than what I deserved and wanted in every area of my life.

After kissing a few frogs, going through a little heartbreak, and making a few mistakes, I decided to take a breather and just focus on doing what brought me joy in the present. I wasnt worried about finding the One because I was finally in a place where I loved myself. After all those frogs, I finally knew what I was looking for and wasnt going to settle for a subpar relationship, just for the sake of being in one.

Ill tell you what the choices that led me to a blessed life were: I chose to stop dating and to only do the things that provided me with happiness, such as spending time with my kids, reading in my favorite lounge chair, sleeping in when I could, taking trips with friends to Cabo just because, watching movies Ive always wanted to watchlike the entire Harry Potter series in four daysand exploring the city Ive always lived in.

About a year into my dating breather, I was in Los Angeles filming an exercise segment for Extra. After filming I had some free time, and when my best friend Leslie asked me to be her wingman for a blind date she was iffy about, I agreed. (Just in case you didnt know, gay men are the best wingmen!) So, off we went to a hip West Hollywood spot called The Church Key on Sunset Boulevard.

The place wasnt really my scene. In fact, seven years ago, before everything had changed, I would have felt completely out of place and self-consciously inched my way to the door. Now, however, I felt oddly at home because I was at home on the inside, no matter what was happening on the outside. I loved myselfall of myself.

Anyway, as Leslie chatted with her date, I was casually just hanging out when I saw a stunning blond nearby. Totally intrigued, I went over and struck up a conversation with the person I would come to know as Sam. As the night wore on, we talked about everything under the sun, from our childhoods to our mutual interest in fitness to our love for Beyonc... And I shared the real me. In fact, thanks to the advice of my amazing friend and fellow author Steve Harvey, I straight up told him very early in our conversation that I had two kids I was very committed to and was looking for a serious relationship. Sam didnt bat an eyelash, unlike the others before him.

When it was time to say good-bye, we exchanged numbers and started texting right away. Then came our long phone calls and marathon FaceTimesand a $400 phone bill from roaming charges while I was on a Disney cruise the following week with my sons! After I returned, we saw each other as soon as we could, and things just grew from there. I proposed about a year later, and we were married July 2, 2016 (aka the best day of my entire life!).

Sam and I have the kind of relationship that Id always dreamed about but wasnt totally sure was possible. He brings the calm to my Latin fire, but most important, we complement each other in a way that only a yin yang could represent. Since weve met, we have both grown and evolved to what I consider the best versions of ourselves. He helps me, and I help him. We are always on the same team. And I couldnt imagine a day without him.