Kimmel Darcy - Grace Filled Marriage

The Missing Piece.
The Place to Start.

Dr. Tim Kimmel

with Darcy Kimmel

Copyright 2013 by Tim Kimmel

Published by Worthy Publishing, a division of Worthy Media, Inc., 134 Franklin Road, Suite 200, Brentwood, Tennessee 37027.

H ELPING PEOPLE EXPERIENCE THE HEART OF G OD

eBook available wherever digital books are sold

Audio available through Brilliance Audio; visit brillianceaudio.com

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013945023

Names and identifying details of some people mentioned in this book have been changed to protect their privacy.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Other Scripture quotations are taken from the following sources: the Holy Bible, New Living Translation ( NLT ). 1996, 2004. 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved. The Message by Eugene H. Peterson ( MSG ). 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved. The English Standard Version ( ESV ). 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. The New American Standard Bible ( NASB ), The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission.

Italics added to Scripture quotations are the authors emphasis.

For foreign and subsidiary rights, contact Riggins International Rights Services, Inc.; visit rigginsrights.com

Cover Design: Christopher Tobias, tobiasdesign.com

Cover Photo: Janis Christie

Interior Typesetting: Susan Browne Design

Printed in the United States of America

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To
Kory and Gail Schuknecht
Jamie and Kim Rasmussen
Barry and Mandy Asmus

Marriage is a tapestry.
Were so grateful for the rich color and texture
these three couples have added to ours.

Most readers skip this page. Thats too bad. They miss the chance to meet some great people. But its more than that. They miss the chance to understand the concerted effort that went into creating what they hold in their hands. I hope that what you find waiting for you after this page raises the emotional, spiritual, and commitment status of your marriage to levels youve never known before. If it does, its because of people like

Steve and Pollyanna Stephens, who provided the ideal setting for turning this project from a concept to a workable outline, and Steve and Barbara Uhlmann, who provided the cabin in the woods required to turn a blank Word file into a completed manuscript.

Byron Williamson, Jeana Ledbetter, Jennifer Day, and the cutting-edge giants of publishing at Worthy.

Jennifer Stair, whose ability to put luster on a finished manuscript is truly mystifying.

Steve Green, a master at hooking up the right hoses between an author with an idea and a publisher with a delivery system.

And the team at Family Matters who live to see people transformed by the power of Gods grace into instruments of restoration and reformation.

What does grace have to do with marriage?

Up to this point, you may not have thought about the role of grace in your marriage. Grace has status as the prelude to a meal or the theme of that famous hymn. And it obviously receives a lot of focus at church, but you may not have realized the crucial role its supposed to play in your marriage. In fact without it, were in trouble, because most marriages dont struggle from a lack of love; they struggle from a lack of grace.

When we said I do, we imagined our marriage would be a natural partnership in which we would consistently feel affirmed, respected, and appreciated. But unless youre reading this book on your honeymoon, youve discovered that marriage is more like an obstacle courseand youre starting to get bruises on your resolve from tripping over so many hurtful things.

Have you ever experienced situations like these in your marriage?

Your spouse lets loose a few careless words spoken in frustrationbut all too frequently. Youre starting to avoid her, not knowing when her temper will flare.

Your spouse doesnt appreciate the things you do for him every day. Its especially frustrating because its a blended family and youve worked hard to love his kids as though they were your own. You tell yourself that youre grateful to serve your family. But deep down, you feel taken advantage of.

Your mate thinks shes hilarious when she jokes about you in public. Her friends like her witty one-liners too. But youre tired of forcing a smile when her constant put-downs at your expense are anything but funny.

You have to endure a condescending bossinessa push-you-around attitudethat your spouse would never try on anyone else. Just once, youd like him to treat you with the same respect he shows his friends and coworkers.

Your wife prides herself on being thrifty. You work hard to provide for your family and think youve earned the right to indulge in a few things. But youre tired of having to ask permission to spend your collective, but hard-earned, money.

Youre weary of your spouse working late nights or going out with his buddies, not caring that your homemade dinnerand your romanceis getting cold.

These inconsiderate attitudes and actions have a way of replacing the spark in your marriage with a dull, burning ache. But do they indicate an absence of love? Not necessarily. Couples who do these kinds of things often love each other. These situationsalong with most of the things that hurt or disappoint you in marriageare caused by an absence of grace.

Grace is desiring the best for your spouse, even when they may not deserve it. I know, because I married an angel. She married an idiot.

When we drove away from our wedding reception, Darcy didnt realize she was riding next to a man who likes to go down dead-end roads just to make sure they truly lead nowhere. She was holding the hand of a man whose dreams consistently eclipsed his abilities to make those dreams come true. While were checking off the full-disclosure box, I need to let you know she also married a man who struggled with seeing the little things of lifelike his car keys, wallet, and wristwatch. If this wasnt enough, Darcy married me not realizing shed be slipping into bed each night with a testosterone-filled man who thought she was the most beautiful girl hed ever met.