Chad Van Dixhoorn - Gospel-Shaped Marriage: Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints

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Gospel-Shaped Marriage

Gospel-Shaped Marriage

Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints

Chad Van Dixhoorn and Emily Van Dixhoorn

Foreword by Alistair Begg

Gospel-Shaped Marriage: Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints

Copyright 2022 by Chad Van Dixhoorn and Emily Van Dixhoorn

Published by Crossway
1300 Crescent Street
Wheaton, Illinois 60187

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided for by USA copyright law. Crossway is a registered trademark in the United States of America.

Cover design: Jordan Singer

First printing 2022

Printed in the United States of America

Scripture quotations are from the ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. The ESV text may not be quoted in any publication made available to the public by a Creative Commons license. The ESV may not be translated into any other language.

Trade paperback ISBN: 978-1-4335-8071-0
ePub ISBN: 978-1-4335-8074-1
PDF ISBN: 978-1-4335-8072-7
Mobipocket ISBN: 978-1-4335-8073-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Van Dixhoorn, Chad B., author. | Van Dixhoorn, Emily, author.

Title: Gospel-shaped marriage : grace for sinners to love like saints / Chad Van Dixhoorn and Emily Van Dixhoorn ; foreword by Alistair Begg.

Description: Wheaton, Illinois : Crossway, 2022. | Includes bibliographical references and indexes.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021046473 (print) | LCCN 2021046474 (ebook) | ISBN 9781433580710 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781433580727 (pdf) | ISBN 9781433580734 (mobipocket) | ISBN 9781433580741 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: MarriageBiblical teaching.

Classification: LCC BS680.M35 V36 2022 (print) | LCC BS680.M35 (ebook) | DDC 248.8/44dc23

LC record available at https:// lccn .loc .gov /2021 6473

LC ebook record available at https:// lccn .loc .gov /2021 6474

Crossway is a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

2022-04-22 09:04:51 AM

To all the singles and couples who made our marriage stronger,

and especially to Berta Badenoch, and Ian and Joan Hamilton

Contents

One of the great joys of pastoral ministry is found in the solemnization of matrimony. It is a special privilege to be granted a ringside seat as one man and one woman enter this honorable estate instituted by God. There is benefit in using the archaic language of the Book of Common Prayer to remind us that marriage is not to be entered upon lightly or carelessly but thoughtfully, with reverence for God and with due consideration of the purposes for which it was established by God. Alongside procreation there is the preservation of human society, which can be strong and happy only where the marriage bond is held in honor. It is not uncommon when these words are read for the reaction to be an uneasy rapt silence or an uncomfortable restlessness in the congregation, because they challenge contemporary perspectives on the subject.

We are living through what is arguably the most rapid change in family structure in human history. The sexual revolution of the sixties, which held out hope for true love beyond the boundaries of Gods perfect plan, has left in its wake moral, emotional, and social confusion. Families that function together and that do so with a shared set of moral values are increasingly an endangered species. Sociologists recognize that only a minority of American households are two-parent, mom-and-dad families. Marriage, where it is adopted, is no longer about childbearing or child-rearing but about personal fulfillment. Consider the falling birth rate and the fact that there are more American homes with pets than children! Our smartphones have made it possible for us to be alone together. The decentralization of family life is accompanied by a fascination with genealogythe quest is to find our roots and assure ourselves that we belong somehow, genetically, emotionally, mystically, and spiritually in a solidarity of souls.

Instead of denouncing the darkness, which is easy to do, the social climate presents us with an opportunity to shine as lights in the world. This means viewing marriage in the context of the gospel. The apostle Pauls specific directions for the Christian family are set within the larger framework of its place in the church family. He addresses his readers as Gods chosen ones (Col. 3:12), part of a vast company of men and women throughout the ages who were sought out by God, heard the gospel, and understood the grace of God in truth. At the time of writing, directives for household management were common, but Paul is not simply providing a list of ethical demands; rather, he encourages his readers with the reminder that in Christ we are enabled to fulfill our assigned roles. The one-flesh union as established from the beginning is not based on fluctuating human emotions but on the divine will and word. Marriage is not invented by culture; it is established by creation. What God has established by creation, no culture will be able to destroy; it will destroy itself first!

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Gen. 2:24)

This is more than a human contract; it is a divine covenant. It is exclusive, publicly declared, permanent, and consummated by sexual intercourse. (And the order of events is by Gods design.)

The lordship of Jesus is to be on display not only in the public arena but in the privacy of our homes where, for better or worse, we are ourselves. Our marriages at best should be an advertisement for the Christian faith. If Christianity is going to make an impact on society, it must be seen to revolutionize our family life.

We are all in need of help in these matters. We need our local church family to teach us and train us and to remind us of Gods enabling grace. A good marriage is in one respect like a golf swing in that it is not easy but it is straightforward. Only in Jesus do we find freedom from the distortions created by sin, including in our marriages. My wife and I are greatly encouraged by this book. It is a privilege to be able to commend it to you in this way.

Alistair Begg, Parkside Church, Chagrin Falls, Ohio

This is a book for couples, but not just couples. The institution of marriage is an integral part of the life of the Christian church. Time spent thinking about marriage will help some of us be more thoughtful about married life and all of us be more prayerful. For that reason, we appeal directly to married people throughout, but we also have in mind those who are only thinking about marriage or who want to support married people. There are no R-rated scenes. There are only helps for the married, prompts for those who want to pray, and encouragements for those who wish to defend and promote the institution of marriage, this gift from God that every church member ought to treasure, whether married or not.