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Martin - How to achieve total enlightenment: a practical guide to the meaning of life

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Martin How to achieve total enlightenment: a practical guide to the meaning of life
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If youve ever wondered where to find a wise man on a mountain or how to act if God appears to you, look no further. You can build a backyard water element, practice Tantric sex, or even just find out why there are over 300 million Hindu gods in this lighthearted and useful manual to all things spiritual. How to Achieve Total Enlightenment is both a humorous and inspirational guide for the soul searcher in all of us. From organized religion to surfing, from alms-seeking to Zen rock gardening, it demystifies various spiritual paths and practices and proves that the quest for meaning can be entertaining as well as enlightening. Author Sam Martin offers a no-nonsense, lighthearted approach to finding Truth in some of lifes most common pursuits. You might... * Learn how to build a shrine to Buddha * Sign up for a pilgrimage in the Pyrenees * Make your own communion wafers * Get the perfect abs through yoga * Learn the basic techniques of the Whirling DervishWith unique, step-by-step instructions, illustrations, informative lists, and practical advice, How to Achieve Total Enlightenment is the divine guide to the meaning of life that no one should be without.

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How to Achieve Total Enlightenment copyright 2005 by Samuel D Martin All - photo 1

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How to Achieve Total Enlightenment copyright 2005 by Samuel D. Martin. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. For information, write Andrews McMeel Publishing, an Andrews McMeel Universal company, 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106.


www.andrewsmcmeel.com


APPR


Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data


Martin, Samuel D.

How to achieve total enlightenment : a practical guide to the meaning of life /Sam Martin.

p. cm.

E-ISBN: 978-0-7407-8680-8

1. Religious life. 2. Meaning (Philosophy)Religious aspects. I. Title.

BL624.M3484 2005

204.4dc22

2004066003


Design and composition by Kelly & Company, Lees Summit, Missouri

Cover design and illustration by Blacktop Creative


This book is for the entertainment and edification of its readers. While reasonable care has been exercised with respect to its accuracy, the publisher and the author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions in its content. Nor do we assume liability for any damages resulting from the use of the information presented here. The publisher and the author disclaim any liability for injury that may result from the use, proper or improper, of the information contained in this book. We do not guarantee that the information contained herein is complete, safe, or accurate, nor should it be considered a substitute for your good judgment and common sense.

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Andrews McMeel books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational, business, or sales promotional use. For information, please write to: Special Sales Department, Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC, 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106.

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Contents

[M]y own idea of freedom [is] the possibility and prospect of free life, traveling light, without clinging or despising, in calm acceptance of everything that comes; free because without defenses, free not in an adolescent way, with no restraints, but in the sense of the Tibetan Buddhists crazy wisdom, of Camuss leap into the absurd that occurs within a life of limitations. The absurdity of a life that may well end before one understands it does not relieve one of the duty to live it through as bravely and as generously as possible.

P ETER M ATTHIESSEN , The Snow Leopard

Picture 5

And I said, Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know? And he says, Oh, there wont be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin for me. Which is nice.

B ILL M URRAY , Caddyshack

Picture 6

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

S REN K IERKEGAARD

Introduction

As a young man I did a lot of searching, for it seems I was lost at a very young age. Of course, my early feelings of disassociation from the world can be attributed to all the usual suspectsa zillion different schools and hometowns, the absence of a father figure, an obsession with Space Invadersbut I think it had more to do with the fact that early on I knew that in order for me to become whatever it was I was going to be, I first had to discover who I was.

For many years, I dutifully searched in beer cans, whiskey bottles, and a grab bag of other mind-numbing diversions. It was fun, no doubt about it, but the fun receded when, after several years, I still hadnt found anything of note save for a few incriminating journal pages, some bad hangovers, and one pretty cool after-hours club in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

So I turned to literature. In books by authors from Shakespeare to Allen Ginsberg I discovered what it meant to live an inspired, soulful life full of experience and gusto.

Of course, reading about someone elses meaningful moments and experiencing them for yourself are two very different things. Thats why I knew I had to put the books down and, like Jack Kerouac, hit the road. My first stop was Nantucket Island, Massachusetts, where I worked as a housepainter and a waiter and saved enough money to backpack through seven countries in Europe. A couple of years later I visited nearly the whole of Central America and a year after that I bounded off for Australia, Thailand, Indonesia, the Philippines, Nepal, and Canada. At first, I traveled to see museums and the graves of my literary heroes. Then I traveled to get to know foreign cultures. In the end, I traveled just to see how far away I could get. As Kahlil Gibran, the Persian poet, wrote, I was throwing myself into the lap of the Gods just to see what would happen.

In Honduras, the sunsets over the Caribbean Sea were so magnificent that when the last curve of the sun sank below the crystal clear waters an ethereal green light would flash across the horizon. In Sumatra, I skinny-dipped in jungle ponds filled with fresh rainwater while Thailand showed me Buddhism, meditation, and yoga. In the Philippines I swam with sharks and sea turtles, and Nepal and the Himalayas gave me a view from the top of the world. What is my purpose in life? and Why am I here? were the questions that echoed in my heart whether I was hitching a ride atop a beat-up old school bus or climbing up the side of a steaming volcano.

Yet as my search wore on, what I experienced out in the world were not answersif anything I started forgetting the questions (and who wouldnt after spending three weeks doing little else other than dodging falling coconuts while lying on the beach). What I experienced was one large spiritual awakening, or more precisely, a series of spiritual awakenings.

Now, what I did not do was shave my head, buy a tambourine, and join the Hare Krishnas (though there was that opportunity once, in a bus station in Sydney), and I did not accept Jesus Christ into my life and become a born-again Christian (which had seemed the only option for far too long). No, my moment of rebirth, my new lease on life, came when I realized that I didnt have to wait until the end of the journey to get enlightened. As my globe-hopping had proved, I could achieve enlightenment during my search and not only that, I could achieve it dozens of times.

That realization has created the foundation of what you now hold in your hands. This book is a searchers guide to enlightenment. In its pages youll find practical instructions for achieving all things enlightening, whether thats firing up the car for a road trip to Montana, surfing waves off the coast of Australia, building a meditation platform in your backyard, or visiting an old-fashioned Baptist tent revival in the sticks. If its organized religion youre after, youll find the basics of all the worlds major religions (as well as a few minor ones) along with prayer techniques, temple protocols, and instructions on how to build a shrine to your God, even if He happens to be Elvis. Theres even a step-by-step guide on how to find your soul mate and instructions on what to do when that happens.

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