McAlary - Slow: live life simply

First published in 2017

Copyright Brooke McAlary 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.

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ISBN 978 1 76029 691 9

Internal design and illustrations by Astred Hicks, Design Cherry

Set in Quincy CF Light/11 pt by Astred Hicks

Printed by Hang Tai Printing Company Limited, China

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Life was abundant with all the good stuff wed spent so much time chasing. And I was utterly despondent.

Yes, life was abundant. Abundant with things. A double garage so full, it had never seen a car. Wardrobes crammed with clothes I hated (never a thing to wear!). Cupboards full of enough toys to entertain an entire preschool.

Life was also abundant with other things: debt, anxiety and stress. Life was hectic and hurried. Over-engineered and overcommitted, disconnected and dissatisfying.

Rather than question our priorities or try to work out why we were so unhappy, we got busier. We added items to our lists of things to buy, things to do and goals to kick. We kept buying stuff we couldnt afford. We continued digging a deeper hole, all in the name of keeping up with the Joneses, never realising we were slowly morphing into the Joneses.

After our second child was born, I was diagnosed with severe postnatal depression. At my best I was an automatonefficient, unfeeling, completely emotionally detached. At my worst I was a nightmareangry, bitter, sad, resentful and entertaining suicidal thoughts.

I remember sitting in my psychiatrists office, recounting the previous day and the anxiety that bloomed every time I stopped doing. She looked at me and asked, Have you ever considered doing less? Maybe slowing down a bit?

Doing less? Slowing down? Seriously? Doing less was for underachievers. Slowing down was for weak, boring people. Mediocre! Average! Ordinary! I was none of those things, thank you very much, and frankly was offended she thought so little of me.

But that seed of an idea had taken root in my frazzled brain. It wasnt until days later, when I found myself despairing at everything I had to do and be and own, did I even consider it a possibility. Do less? Slow down? OK. Maybe. But how?

Naturally, I turned to Google and found my way to Leo Babautas blog Zen Habits. There I discovered a man who had completely transformed his life by choosing less. He was adamant that letting go of the excess stuff his family of eight had accumulated over the years led to massive changes in his health, happiness, work, home, parenting, relationships, finances and self-esteem. He was an unapologetic advocate for a life of less stuff, and he wasnt alone. Further research revealed there were literally millions of people who shared similar values, who were saying no, doing less and letting go. Whats more, they were saying that this life of less stuff, less stress, fewer obligations and fewer pressures was actually a life of moremore time, more energy, more freedom, more joy, more presence, more connection and more health.

As I sat in my cluttered office late that night, illuminated by the blue light of my computer monitor, my family sleeping nearby and my coffee cold next to me, I realised I wanted to be one of these people. I wanted to find a life of more on the other side of less.

Over the next twelve months, my husband Ben and I decluttered stuff with a tenacity wed previously reserved for acquiring it. We let go of over 20,000 items from our home that year (yes, I kept track) and many thousands more over the subsequent years (I stopped counting because it was quickly becoming a new, albeit different, obsession with our stuff).

We slowly started making other changes too, and regained our weekends by learning to say no, do less and embrace the lost art of downtime. We reined in the mindless spending by questioning our wants versus our needs, began re-evaluating what it meant to live a successful life and started sketching out a long-term plan for self-employment. We rediscovered contentment by turning to gratitude and living in the present more often. And gradually, we realised we didnt want to be the Joneses. In fact, we didnt even like them very much. So we opted out. And while imperfect and still evolving, weve never been more at peace.

We now have way less stuff, less stress, less anxiety and less dissatisfaction. We have more time, more space, more fun and more creativity. We have better health, better relationships, better sleep and better adventures. Were now self-employed and while that brings with it other complications, were living with the benefits of more flexibility, more freedom, more time and more satisfaction in our work.

Lest you think thats one massive humble-brag, please know this: Did slowing down and simplifying make our lives easier? Not really. And certainly not in the beginning. Simpler, yes. But not easier. What it did do was put the important things front and centre. We can now, most days at least, rest easy in the knowledge that were giving those important things the attention, love, time and space they deserve. And we can also see that those important things really arent things at all.

Every week I receive emails asking how we achieved this values-centred life. Turns out many of you are facing the same challenges my husband and I were struggling with six years ago. And believe me, I get it.

As homes get bigger and self-storage facilities blossom in the suburbs, we find ourselves obsessed with the acquisition of ever more: stuff, status, activity, likes, followers, friends and money.

Catalogues arrive daily. Online shopfronts ring with purchases made day and night. Retail therapy is mistaken for actual therapy. Social media is used to sell us new clothes, new lifestyles, new business opportunities, new health trends. Advertisements bombard us with the next big thing, making us feel inadequate until we relent and buy, just to fit in.

To paraphrase American actor Will Rogers, we buy things we cant afford to impress people we dont like. And we do it every day.

We fill our calendars with meetings and parties, lessons and classes. We bemoan how busy we are while saying yes to another commitment.