Preface
Will this suffering ever end? One way or another, my seek ing and suffering must end! I am at the end of my ropeI simply cannot take it anymore!
That was my state of mind in mid November, 2004. In twenty-five years I had read hundreds of books on subjects ranging from psychology, philosophy and mind-control, to Zen Buddhism, Christian Mysticism, Taoism and AdvaitaVedanta. Yet, still I found myself seek ing, suffering and searching for the answer to end all questions, and to bring an end to this deeply painful and nagging sense that something is drastically wrongsomething is wrong with me, and something is wrong with the world.
You cannot possibly say that you are what you think yourself to be! Your ideas about yourself change from day to day, and moment to moment. Your self-image is the most changeful thing you have. It is utterly vulnerable, at the mercy of a passer-by. To k now what you are, you must first investigate and k now what you are not. The clearer you understand that on the level of mind you can be described in negative terms only, the quicker you will come to the end of your search and realize your limitless being.
Nisargadatta Maharaj
These words struck me to the core. It came in the mail like several dozen others I devoured in 1998, but this oddlook ing, black and gold book, whose title exclaimed I AM THAT in bold, capital letters, marked the beginning of the end of seek ing and sufferingthe beginning of the end of the me I took myself to be.
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Over the next five years, I read and re-read the book slowly several times. Nisargadattas potent words were sinking in, and I was starting to know in my own direct experience what he was pointing toI am not the person I believed myself to be, I am consciousness, I am that which is aware. I could feel it, sense itI knew it directly. What a change in perspective, what a new way of experiencing life! My world was literally being turned inside-out. I was no longer in the world, the world was in me! He was right! Amazing!
Waking up in the morning, showering, eating breakfast and driving to workall happening to no one, and by no one! The universe is alive! The universe is functioning, and I am that functioning. I am that life. There is no separate person in the body. There is only universal life functioning beautifully and naturally on its own. And I am That!
And then slam! I came crashing right back to my own little world of me and mine. And the suffering continued. What happened! Where is my peace! God help me, please! There was always something to pull me back into the paina failed marriage, broken relationships, a lack of purpose, parents and family falling sick and dying. It was always something.
But I knew it was possible to be free of seeking and suffering. I had seen it, I knew it and experienced the truth of who I wasthis simple presence of awareness that is the very essence of all life. But it seemed to be eluding me and I was suffering terribly. I needed help. I felt that I needed to meet someone who knew the truth that Nisargadatta was pointing to and could help me get clear once and for allthat was my hope.
The sense of presence expressing through the mind as the thought I am is pure intelligence energ y. It is the k nowing that you are. The same intelligence-energ y is f unctioning this universe. That innate intelligence is the essence of ever ything that appears and disappears. Realize that you are aware of presence right now. You k now that you are. It spontaneously arises. The vibration, pulsation or throb of that intelligence
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is happening spontaneously. There is nothing to start it; nothing to stop it. Realize there is no one to do it, and nothing to do, and it will settle down of its own accord.
Sailor Bob Adamson
In 2004 I learned of a man called Sailor Bob Adamson from Australia who had been sharing the same message as Nisargadatta Maharaj for decades. Bob suggested I contact John Wheeler as John lives in the U.S. as I do.
So the belief in the existence of a separate self and our identity with that is the root of the problem. But eventually you come round to asking if the limited self that we have been taking ourselves to be is real or even present. If it is real, then we should be able to find it. So where is it? What is it actually? You come to see that all suffering is based on a cause which, upon investigation is found to be completely non-existent. Seeing this, all possible doubts and questions are undermined and cannot survive. Simultaneously, you come to see that you are inseparable from that natural state of presenceawareness which is inherently free, whole and complete. Nothing or no one can shake you from this understanding. It is the fact of your being, and you are that.
John Wheeler
Wow! Is this Nisargadatta come back to life? Amazing! The quote above is from one of my many dialogues and phone conversations with John over a period of six months. In November of 2004 I flew to California to attend Johns meetings and meet with him personally. Some of the dialogues between he and I are recorded in his book Shining in Plain View.
What a difference it made to have John personally point out to me what Nisargadatta and Sailor Bob Adamson had pointed out to him and many others. Johns consistent and
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clear pointing was exactly what I needed. I am extremely grateful. It is my hope that you nd the same benet.
Stephen Wingate Boston, MA March 2008
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Essays
1
Reality Beyond Consciousness
Reality is beyond all characteristics, even of being, consciousness, emptiness or any other designation. To awaken to your identity as being, consciousness, oneness, presence, emptiness or what have you is still moving in the realm of phenomena as an imagined entity. Your essential nature is prior to the sense of consciousness and being. There is something in you that k nows the sense of being conscious and present. That is your real nature. It is forever unk nowable as an object. It is beyond being and non-being, consciousness and unconsciousness. There is a temptation to take reality to be the sense of being, presence, consciousness, aliveness or even something more objective, such as stillness or a peaceful state. But all those things are objective. You k now them. What you are is evidently beyond them all.
At some point, there may arise a resonance with the pointer that there is something prior to consciousness, prior to being, prior to peace, prior to oneness, prior to emptiness. Why? Because all of those, however subtle, are conditioned states. They are experiences that can be grasped, understood or recognized. Even the sense of I am is an appearance. It has appeared upon your true nature. It is the primary concept or experience, which is the basis of all other experiences. Without the sense of I am, there can be no other experiences. You are beyond all experience, even the experience of I am.
At the core of the mind is an empty space, a void through which the primordial, non-conceptual reality shines forth as consciousness. The whole world appears in the light of consciousness. Consciousness itself is a time-bound, phenomenal state, an appearance on that unconditioned source which is prior to consciousness. Reality is non-conceptual awareness that does not even know that it is. Simply put, you are the one who is aware of being and of being conscious. That you is entirely beyond the body, senses, mind, consciousness and anything else that can be perceived or conceived. It cannot be grasped or even be understood, because it is what you are.
