Harlan Cohen - Win or Learn

Without dreams and goals, there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.

Mark Twain

Want Something

Ive spent most of my early life not feeling smart enough, attractive enough, skinny enough, successful enough, or good enough. I can be extremely funny at times. I know how to make people laugh and feel good. Humor has been my armor to cover up the pain underneath the surface. At times, Ive struggled with insecurity, social anxiety, jealousy, and change. I dont like it when people feel pain. I know how that feels.

I was a fat teenager. I absolutely hate the word fat , but thats what people called me. I cried when I had to run the mile in middle school. I had to work incredibly hard to be included. I never had a big group of close friends.

Whenever I faced rejection, Id make people laugh. It made it seem like I didnt care. But inside, I was hurting. Id eat to cover up the pain. Food was my addiction. It was legal, and there was plenty. Friday nights in high school included a sixteen-ounce bag of Doritos, a can of nacho cheese sauce, a jar of jalapeno peppers, and a one-pound bag of M&Ms, eating as much as I could. Freshman year in high school, I was 192 pounds and five feet not a lot of inches tall. I remember lying on the ground trying to zip my pants. They were crazy tight. My brothers friend asked him if I had to jump from a building to get into my pants. I pretended not to hear him.

Whats crazy about it all is that I have a loving, supportive family. My parents have been married for more than fifty years. I had and have so much love around me. I just didnt have it inside me. I know if youre someone who is a survivor of abuse, a recovering addict, a foster child, an orphan, a minority, an immigrant, sick, immobile, impaired, or physically limited, your eyes might roll as you think, Big deal. He was fat. If only he knew real problems. I agree. My problems may have been small, may still be small. But to me, they felt so big. I knew I had so many advantages, yet I was so terribly flawed, so unhappy. This made me feel even more defective and fueled my shame. I didnt want to feel this way. I hated it. And Ive dedicated my life to changing it.

This book is a life manualfor anyone at any stage of life who struggles with the sting of rejection and fears taking risks to seek happiness. The process is something youll need to practice every day. This isnt an overnight fix. Its a shift in mindset. Its forming new habits. Over time, you will get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Youll be free to say what you think and express how you feel. With each risk you take, you will appreciate that you are worthy and capable, no matter the results. This is the formula Ive used to transform my body, write bestselling books, train educators, empower leaders, build multiple businesses, find love, get married, stay married, navigate parenting, and eliminate the shame that used to take up too much of my time and energy. Shame is boring. You dont need it anymore.