Harlan Cohen - The Happiest Kid on Campus: A Parents Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for You and Your Child)

Copyright 2010 by Harlan Cohen
Cover and internal design 2010 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover design by David Jordan
Cover photos Skip ODonnell/istock Images, Blend Images/Punchstock

Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systemsexcept in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviewswithout permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.From a Declaration of Principles Jointly Adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names of their respective holders. Sourcebooks, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendor in this book.

Published by Sourcebooks, Inc.
P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410
(630) 961-3900
Fax: (630) 961-2168
www.sourcebooks.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication

Data Cohen, Harlan
The happiest kid on campus : a parents guide to the very best college experience (for you and your child) / Harlan Cohen.

p. cm.
1. College student orientationHandbooks, manuals, etc. 2. Education, HigherParent participation. 3. College freshmanHandbooks, manuals, etc. 4. College freshmanHandbooks, manuals, etc. I. Title.
LB2343.3.C617 2010
378.198dc22

2010009756

Printed and bound in the United States of America.
VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For

Eva Kaye and Harrison

(two future happiest kids on campus)

and

Stephanie

(mom of the two future happiest kids on campus)

Acknowledgments

To my wife, Stephanie, thank you for all of your love, support, and edits. I love having you as partner on this journey. I adore you and treasure every minute of this wild adventure. Bread, oil, wine, and cheese (soon, I promise). To my children, Eva Kaye and Harrison Cooper, thank you for all the hugs, kisses, and smiles. They have been my fuel and inspiration. To my parents, Eugene and Shirleeyour unwavering love, support, and guidance continues to be a driving force. Im so grateful for you both. Thank you for showing me how to be such a loving, supportive, and nurturing parent. To Marvin and Francine (aka the parents-in-law), thank you for your unwavering encouragement, love, and supportit means the world to me. To my brothers, Victor and Michael, sisters-in-law Irene and Rozi, and brother-in-law DanIm so grateful to always have you all in my corner, and I deeply cherish our relationships. To Phoebe, Rae, Henry, and Ethan, thank you for making me the happiest uncle in the world. I love you all and will always be here to offer you advice 24/7 (but Ethan, you need to learn how to talk first).

Thank you to my always encouraging and enthusiastic agent Eliot Ephraim, my gifted (and very patient) editor Peter Lynch, my visionary publisher Dominique Raccah, and the entire team at Sourcebooks. Thank you to the entire team at King Features Syndicate for your support of Help Me, Harlan! Thank you to all the newspaper editors and publications who run my advice column and the readers who enjoy it (and dont always enjoy it).

A heartfelt thank-you goes out to the students, parents, and professionals who contributed to this book. You have been so generous with your time, thoughts, and wisdom. Please know that if your advice didnt make it into the book as a quote, your contribution shaped the content and form of this book. Its all in here. Thank you!

Thank you to all of the high schools, colleges, universities, organizations, and associations who have invited me to speak and share my message with your communities. As much as I love to share, I promise you, I always take so much away. So much of this is included in this book.

Thank you to the following organizations: FYE, NODA, NASPA, ACPA, AFA, AFLV, ACUHO-I, NACA, NASFAA, ACCA, ACHA, BACCHUS, ACP, and AHEPPP. Thank you to the Higher Education Research Institute (HERI) and the National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE).

A heartfelt thank-you is extended to Cynthia Jenkins, Patrick Combs, Gary Tuerack, Erin Weed, Peter Bielagus, John Pryor, Linda Sax, President E. Gordon Gee, Debra Sanborn, Coach Bill Fennelly, Doug Bauder, Charles "Doc" Eberley, Judy Sindlinger, Michael Schultz, Josh Goldman, Ryan Lombardi, Cathy Bickel, Beth Saul, Brian Van Brunt, Mark Koepsel, Erika Lamarre, Janet Cox, Ron Martel, Pat Watkins, Tom Carskadon, Tom Jelke, Denise Rode, Eric Welgehausen, Edward Dadez, Kenneth Posner, Ana Di Donato, Judith Termini, Trina Dobberstein, Jason Bentley, Jamie Brown, Larry Dietz, Doug Bauder, Julie Payne Kirchmeier, Mark Amos, Nancy Hardendorf, Victoria Atkinson, Joanne Meyerhoff, Beth Oakley, Janita M. Patrick, Lauren Motzkin, Steven Butnik, and Angie Perzanowski.

A final thank-you is extended to the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Indiana University, the Indiana University School of Journalism, and the Indiana Daily Student. To the late David Adams, I miss sharing all the wonderful news with you. Thank you for always encouraging me to dream big.

Why This Book Was Written

Twenty years ago, when college students had problems, they were forced to find the answers themselves or turn to professionals on campus to find the answers. Today cell phones, texting, and technology have made it easier than ever for students to reach out directly to parents the moment there is a problem. As a result, parents of todays college students are often filling the role of first responder. In order for a parent to know how to respond, that parent needs to have a baseline of whats normal and to be expected, as well as knowledge of the resources, support services, people, and places on campus where a student can turn to find answers and support. The Happiest Kid on Campus is a complete look at the college experience that answers this call and gives parents the information they need to guide themselves and their students through this amazing, emotional, and wild adventure that is the college experience.

WELCOME PARENTS

Thank you for picking up this book. And welcome to the Welcome Parents greeting.

Ive been thinking a lot about what Ive wanted to say to you. Ive actually been practicing it. I like to say it out loud before I write it on paper. It makes it much more natural. A lot of times Ill practice while walking alone, sometimes in airports while traveling. If we crossed paths and you were listening, this may all sound familiar (next time please stop me and say hi).

The Happiest Kid on Campus has been a much bigger project than I anticipated. The short story of this six-hundred-plus-page book is that todays college parents are more involved and more important than ever before. Parents today have the opportunity to be more helpful, supportive, and loving than any college parents in the history of time. But they also have the opportunity to be more intrusive, annoying, and controlling than any college parents in the history of time (no, not you). College is no longer about saying good-bye; its about talking, texting, Skyping, defining new roles, establishing new boundaries, and finding a new balance. Todays New College Parents are pioneers who are dealing with unprecedented challenges and are faced with new questions that dont always have definitive answers.