Amal Awad - In My Past Life I was Cleopatra

Also by Amal Awad

Courting Samira

Growing Up Muslim in Australia (anthology)

The Incidental Muslim

This Is How You Get Better

Beyond Veiled Clichs

Fridays with My Folks

Some Girls Do (My Life as a Teenager) (anthology)

Published in 2021 by Murdoch Books, an imprint of Allen & Unwin

Copyright Amal Awad 2021

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.

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A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 76052 597 2 Australia

ISBN 978 1 91163 295 5 UK

eISBN 978 1 76087 495 7

Cover and text design by Alissa Dinallo

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Please note that some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

The content presented in this book is meant for inspiration and informational purposes only. The author and publisher claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the material in this book.

To the weavers, wanderers and wise ones in my life, and those who have come before me

To the seekers

Look at this life all mystery and magic.

Harry Houdini

I was raised in a religious household, so belief and practice have been formative staples in my life from a young age. As an Arab, I grew up with a keen awareness of the way the muddy remnants of Turkish coffee can help you to divine your future. As a Muslim, I understood that there were unseen forces at play in my life, and things like superstition, fatalism and mysterious jinn were more real to me than any Hollywood fantasy. But over the years, this has shifted and evolved. I now see that many things can be true for people, but what makes all the difference is who is believing it and how that belief plays out in their lives. That is to say, how we believe, not simply what we accept as true, tends to say a lot about who we are and how we see the world.

Because of this, my journey as a spiritual seeker has developed numerous shades of meaning. From religious devotion to New Age love and light, I have tried a lot. As life demonstrates daily, something that works for one person might be meaningless to another. So I try to keep an open mind and make sense of things, rather than define a single truth.

For me, it has always been about finding a way to be in the world with some level of comfort and ease. But while I have an open mind, I have no qualms erecting boundaries where I think the New Age is problematic. This discernment is crucial; and its what makes me a believer who is also sceptical. I see a lot of things as true or possible, but I am more curious than fervent. Importantly, I dont think everything requires proof. I am rarely definitive about anything but what I feel and how my life changes as a result of what I call inner work. As a psychic healer named Jasmine Hawkins once told me, Im a believer who wants to believe. (Besides, science takes care of a lot of the dangerous hooey you will find in some fields of Mind, Body, Spirit.)

And you see, this is exactly why Im the right person to take you on this journey. As someone who was raised to believe in God and the supernatural, and as someone who has never stopped seeking (and hopefully never will), Ive been the guinea pig; Ive negotiated belief and faith, landed hard on my butt more than once, but also expanded my mind enough to take in new ways of looking at the world. I am sceptical of a lot of things, just not everything, and that is simply because I dont believe everything demands proof. I also believe wholeheartedly in our right to difference, to follow an authentic and individual path. You do you and all that, with the obvious proviso that your ideas, beliefs or practices should not be hurting others or affecting their free will. Nothing criminal, cruel or harmful.

As I was nearing completion of this book, the world seemed to implode. A weary Australia had just come off a summer of devastating bushfires that decimated nature, homes and wildlife. Soon after, the globe was hit by the COVID-19 pandemic. Along with the climate crisis and economic uncertainty, its no exaggeration to say that I was writing this during a challenging period in our history.

At times like these, spiritual fulfilment can seem like a luxury, or a non-essential item. But for me, the opposite is true: your inner world will crucially help to sustain you during any crisis. It is during periods of struggle that we most need to maintain our mental and physical wellbeing, as well as do whatever we can to preserve and nurture meaningful connection to our fellow humans, to ourselves, and to the world. This is the spirit in which this book is intended, and with which I explore belief and the New Age.

The reality is, we all benefit from having a toolkit in life, now more than ever. My many years of seeking have helped me to create mine and I hope this book helps you to create yours. Find what soothes your soul, and try to bring that energy into the world.

Were all in this together.

I am an inquisitive explorer, I tell myself as I enter the Heart Space Centre in an industrial suburb a stretch too far from home. Its the type of area you come to for a set of new tyres or super cheap electronics. But on this rain-soaked Sydney evening, I have come to connect to my dragon.

At the Heart Space Centre (not its real name, but it could be), a staircase leads you into a room that could very well double for a physiotherapy clinic, but instead of a waiting area, foam rollers and foldable massage tables, there are bookshelves lined with oracle decks, crystals, wands and New Age books everything from the fall of Atlantis to the way we self-sabotage in our daily lives.

I have been to this particular den of Zen before and its a welcoming space. The women who run it are down-to-earth. They sit high on the woo woo scale, sure, but they dont lavishly declare it. They wear normal clothes, the kind you buy from Zara, and while they run workshops and accommodate spiritual facilitators, they are not out to convince you of any one thing. You can visit the centre for things like reiki, chakra balancing techniques, soul healings and your garden-variety psychic readings. They offer workshops aplenty, and the beaming smiles are free.