Ike Lasater - When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams: Turning Your Critical Internal Voices Into Collaborative Allies

Advance Praise for

When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams

This book contains an innovative approach to negotiating inner conflicts in ways that result in integrated action. Lasater, Kinyon, and Stiles take the principles of NVC that work so well for external conflict and apply them to the parts of us that are at war in important aspects of our lives. The result not only fills a hole in the NVC framework but also empowers people to get all their parts to work together to achieve their dreams.

Richard C. Schwartz, PhD ,

developer of the Internal Family Systems Model of psychotherapy

The authentic path to peace is an inner journey. And yet, there is very little practical guidance available. John, Ike and Julie fill that need with eloquence, and take a lifetime of experience and reflection to provide a map that is both accessible and inspiring. A must read for those motivated to have more peace in their lives.

John Ford,

author of Peace at Work: The HR Managers Guide to Workplace Mediation , founder of The HR Mediation Academy

hrmediationacademy.com

When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams is an exceptionally valuable addition to the growing literature on subpersonalities, and the theories contained in this marvelous book have much in common with the Internal Family Systems model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. Each chapter provides helpful tools for managing the negotiation within, and then demonstrates the use of these tools by various individuals whose internal struggles we follow from the beginning of the book to the end. I highly recommend this book for anyone seeking a psychologically sophisticated manual for managing emotions and implementing dreams.

David A. Hoffman,

John H. Watson Jr. lecturer on Law, Harvard Law School; founder, Boston Law Collaborative, LLC

When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams is an insightful addition to John Kinyon and Ike Lasaters Mediate Your Life series that brings the focus back to ourselves , where we have the greatest power and opportunity for change. This book will empower you to create a life brimming over with joy and meaning!

Mary Mackenzie ,

author, Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing and Compassion ; co-founder, NVC Academy; executive director, Peace Workshop, International

When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams is the book Ive both wanted and needed for years. It is like an old friend that Ive just met, a discussion companion who senses and responds to my needs by offering practical resources for getting unstuck. Its message is powerful, and yet the strategies accessible: We can explore and navigate both our dreams and the challenges that accompany them even when we dont believe we can. I often smiled at how familiar and authentic the example scenarios were, and then I found myself drawn into experimenting with the well-constructed activities, surprising myself at what I learned. I absolutely recommend this to anyone who wants compassionate and wise strategies for listening and remaining true to your inner voice.

PJ Nelsen, PhD,

associate professor, Appalachian State University

We all want to change the worldand our own lives in the process. But how do we turn dreams into reality? Once again, with their newest work, the Mediate Your Life team weaves insight with the practical and doable. Their advice: listen carefully to the wisdom of our competing internal voices, for once we hear them, really hear them, we find that the voices can sing in harmony. In other words, by learning to hear, we move reliably toward our dreams. Like all great teachings, theirs seem obvious once understood, and yet completely illusory beforehand. I marvel at their continued contribution to my own internal life. Read this book!

Larry C. Rosen,

founder of the mediation law firm Through Understanding, ThroughUnderstanding.com

Getting stuck when pursuing your dreams? When many of us are despairing, hopeless and concerned about ever reaching our dreamsthis book elevates the monologue and dialogue both within and with others by offering a toolbox of possibilities to dream, plan, and implement our greatest longings for contribution and fulfillment.

Sylvia Haskvitz, MA, RD ,

CNVC certified trainer and assessor, author of Eat by Choice, Not by Habit: Practical Skills for Creating a Healthy Relationship with Your Body and Food

Connecting with feelings and needs in the workplace isnt something most of us talk about, yet Ive seen what happens when the principles in this book are taught and practiced in the workplace: teams feel safe, ideas flourish, and companies transform. When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams is actually a perfect change management how-to manual, because its practical, actionable, and it works!

Paul Johnson ,

marketing excellence manager, Microsoft USA

This book has a lot of very useful tools if you are looking for joyful ways of doing inner work. Becoming your own best friend can be an adventure instead of one more thing to achieve.

Liv Larsson ,

mediator, CT NVC trainer, author of A Helping Hand: Mediation with Nonviolent Communication and Anger, Guilt and Shame: Reclaiming Power and Choice

friareliv.se/eng

Another gift from the dynamic team of Lasater, Kinyon, and Stiles! Their new book, When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams , explores how to mediate our own worst criticsthe naysayer and often conflicted internal voices that get in the way of our living our dreams and living big. A comprehensive and insightful approach to applying NVC-based mediation as an inside job.

Dian Killian, PhD, trainer, coach, and consultant,

Work Collaboratively, LLC; certified NVC trainer;

author, Connecting Across Differences & Urban Empathy

workcollaboratively.com

If you want to get out of your own way and create internal and external conditions that will result in a life you truly want to inhabit, this book offers you a path. With When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams, readers receive guidance for responding skillfully to the internal barriers that get in the way of health, healing, peace of mind, and well-being. Readers are supported in developing a relationship with that self that is orchestrated by the Mediator Mind (MM) state. The MM is marked by friendliness and autonomy rather than the misguided hostile and neglectful efforts to control the self in ways that only cause harm. Those who cultivate MM can better meet their universal needs for love, connection, meaning, and more. Universally relevant examples illustrate how readers can apply these effective tools for cultivating a compassionate relationship with the self. Highly accessible, and easy-to-relate-with stories show readers how to address the barriers within that interfere with changing a range of habits, from establishing an exercise routine and eating food that nourishes to discovering more meaningful and fulfilling work. The wisdom in this book for overcoming struggles to living a desired life will be relevant to a broad range of people, and those who practice these tools can enhance health of mind, body, and behavior.

Chris Molnar, PhD

president, Mindful Exposure Therapy for Anxiety and Psychological Wellness Center (META Center), Inc. and Mindful Therapists; editor, The Evidence-Based Practitioner (EBP)

This wonderful book provides a detailed and concrete pathway to identifying blocks to your dreams and finding a new way forward. For anyone who feels that their life is not what they want it to be, you need to read When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams . Based on sound psychological principles, it will help you turn your life around.

Kristin Neff, PhD, author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

self-compassion.org

The Japanese say, Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. This book contains transformative maps to viscerally crystalize and deeply live your visionbeyond daydreams and nightmares. As such, it is an excellent travel guide for pilgrims of wholehearted living. Mediate Your Life makes accessible the magic Marshall Rosenberg created in his workshops. I learned this model from John and Ike years ago, and it is enriching for my personal path and very useful in my daily work with people in deep emotional dilemmas and life-threatening crises. One of the precious qualities of this approach, as opposed to many mainstream psychotherapy and inner-work models, is that it emphasizes the deep integration of seemingly obstructive inner experiences instead of fighting, changing, or ignoring them. Through this, it naturally enables our access to countless inner resources instead of cutting something out of us. May this book and work be a deep contribution to peace and the rich, full, and meaningful life of living beings.