L. M. McDowall - The Wisdom of Perfection

Copyright

ISBN: 9781483551517

The Wisdom of Perfection

- When you get the thumbs down in dating

The Wisdom of Perfection

- When you get the thumbs down in dating

7 simple ways to get over being dumped!

You are perfect just the way you are, the way you are right now, with the knowledge and experience you have right now. Being perfect isnt about reaching a final destination and doing everything right, right according to whom? Its about being true to yourself and being in balance.

When I say you are perfect just the way you are, it doesnt mean that you shouldnt reflect on yourself, evolve yourself or make changes, it means that you shouldnt kick yourself or be hard on yourself trying to be something/someone that someone else thinks is the right way to be. If you had different knowledge or different experiences than you do, youd be somewhere else in you life, but this doesnt have to be a better or more perfect place. Nobody else but yourself knows what is perfect for you, because nobody else has had the exact same experiences or knowledge as you, you are unique! You are exactly who youre supposed to be right now, you are perfect and you are evolving. Being true to yourself and being in balance is about staying in your own shoes. This is what often confuses us and why we often feel imperfect, because we constantly worry about what others think and we try to be and live by all the good qualities. We then put aside the bad qualities. But being true to yourself and being in balance is about mastering both the good and bad. Its okay to be selfish, greedy, lazy, naughty, arrogant, jealous and so on, but you need these to be in balance with your reality. For instance when youre trying to land a job or get a better paycheck, you need to be selfish and greedy or in order not to get stressed you need to be lazy or when you have feelings and are afraid to loose your partner you need to get jealous, so you can feel that you care. What you need to do, is to always stand on your own inner base platform, from where you make your decisions. You have all the answers inside yourself, but sometimes we need to be guided back to our inner base, because we were taught to do what others (often our parents) told us to or expected from us. But we are adults now, our parents have done their job and built a base in us, now its our job to figure out if that base is the right one for us. We need to find out if it works for us in our lives and rebuild the base so it fits the life we want and the persons we need to be. Not only are we blessed with the freedom to do this we also have the power to choose what is right for us!

If you choose nothing, youve still made a choice

The wisdom of perfection books helps you do exactly this in small simple steps. By taking situations and interactions from life which the majority of us experience and gives you strategies to how you can cope in these situations, being in your own center and balance. In every situation and in every person you interact with lies a gift for you. A gift you can use to come closer to your inner base, to find your balance and to become more true to yourself.

The dating and being dumped

This book is for you, who wants to/needs to get over being dumped.

It doesnt matter how long youve dated him/her (*in the rest of the book I refer to him, replace it with her if you need to) when you get dumped, its the same rules and strategies that apply to how to get through it. Ill give you 7 simple strategies you can use independent of each other. Use the one/ones you feel is related to you and your persona. Remember that this is YOUR journey, so you should do it in your own pace, dont judge yourself if you dont feel like your recovering fast enough, its a process, and we all have our own pace.

Of course you can argue that the longer the relationship, the more youve invested yourself, your feelings, your hopes and dreams. And true, the process of coping and healing will be longer, but the techniques and rules are the same. So keep reading and use the rules and techniques according to where you are in the process.

You have to want to/choose to get over it. This also means you have to be ready to put (and yes we all have these) your inner drama queen and your inner attention seeker aside.

When we get dumped, our brain immediately starts asking questions; why, what happened, what is he up to and finally we turn it inwards; what did I do wrong!? Was it mywas it because I

Its at this point you have to be very alert! You have to stop this self-destructing mind process, because its useless!

You didnt do anything wrong, you are who you are. If you think or have been told you did something wrong, where theres no doubt like for instance infidelity, lying, manipulating and so on, you should of course take time to reflect over these aspects of you and learn from it. But if you are having thoughts like was it because I didnt ask him this and that or I wore the wrong clothes or I didnt reply to his text quick enough and so on, then its useless.

When you stop this way of turning it inside, you start focusing on his why. This is also useless because it would only be your best guess, youll never know nor will you ever find his true why. Its not even sure he knows this himself. But its okay to dwell on it for a wee while, doing a little psychoanalysis and guessing game of why he dumped you. But it is and always will be only guessing, thats why its useless in the long run. The reason it can be helpful is that you dont turn it towards yourself, because when you do that, it turns into self hate, and for what? Then you allow the diminishing of yourself because of another persons choice in life. Another persons choice in life doesnt say anything about you as a person, it says something about the other persons process in life. Likewise when you dump somebody. Our brain searches for reasons about the other person to why you dont want to be with them, but the bottom line is that its about you, where you are in life, who you are and who you want to be/want not to be. This has nothing to do with the other person, they are who they are as well as you are who you are, and the match just wasnt there.

When we fall for someone, we quickly paint a dream picture of him. We focus on all the good qualities and get blinded when it comes to the bad signals, hence the saying love is blind. But when the dream suddenly crashes because he dumps you, you can use the blindness in reverse, to your benefit. The trick here, is to remove the hes perfect filter. You think back on the little things you know you ignored. This can be hard at first, but keep in mind that nobody is perfect, and trust me he wasnt perfect for you, because then you would still be together. You have to set your feelings aside for a moment and your mind will in this process try to make excuses for him, or that part of your mind with the dream picture will. You have to be aware of this and consciously stop them and choose (!) to put them aside, just for this exercise anyway. Now pinpoint these things, if it helps you then write them down. When you find them, you magnify them so they seem like huge flaws. For instance when he chose to hang out with his friend one night, when he knew you were a bit sad or that his laugh annoyed you or he said stupid things and so on.

There are 3 ways to use this method, using your logic perspective (LP), your experience perspective (EP) or using your visual perspective (VP).

Strategy 1, the strategy within Logic Perspective

LP is where you choose to set aside your feelings for a moment. Think of him as someone you dont have feelings for yet and find just one little flaw about him, using your logic. You now take this flaw and magnify and factualize it. The magnifying in the LP strategy happens automatically whilst factualizing it, because this will often materialize flaws which you would be okay with or could get over quickly if it happened in a loving relationship. But as a strategy in this case we have to find the smallest things and blow them up, so we can get on with our lives. I will illustrate this using examples in which you can just substitute the flaws I use, with the flaws you found.