Luann Robinson Hull - Self Belonging: Embrace the Wisdom of Soul and Science and Live Your Best Life

ALSO BY LUANN ROBINSON HULL

Happily Ever After... Right Now:
Stop Searching for Mr. Right and Start Celebrating YOU

Copyright 2021 by Luann Robinson Hull

All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopied, recorded of otherwise), without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the publisher of this book, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for insertion in a magazine, newspaper, broadcast, website, blog or other outlet.

First Edition

ISBN: 978-1-970107-04-3 (paperback)
ISBN: 978-1-970107-05-0 (ebook)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019915429

Self Belonging is published by:
Top Reads Publishing, LLC, 1035 E. Vista Way, Suite 205, Vista, CA 92084 USA
For information please direct emails to:

Cover artwork: "Father's Garden," acrylic painting made by Birgitta Strobel, 2017 in Oslo, Norway, www.birgittastrobel.com
Cover design, layout and typography: Teri Rider & Associates
Photo credit for images of Luann Robinson Hull: Jedidiah Gabbett, Drifting Owl Studio Grateful acknowledgement is made for permission to reprint the following:

[Permissions to come]

Every reasonable effort has been made to trace the owners of copyright materials in this book, but in some instances this has proven impossible. The author and publisher will be glad to receive information leading to more complete acknowledgement in subsequent pritings of the book, and in the meantime extend their apologies for any omissions.

Printed in the United States of America

DEDICATION

For my beloved granddaughter, Vivien.

INTRODUCTION

There are two ways to live your life: Nothing is a miracle.
Everything is a miracle.

Albert Einstein

From Richard's tone, I could tell he was in a simmering rage destined to escalate. "She's called the police," he said.

"She" was his former fianc, Betty, whom Richard had left for me when we rekindled our romance from years before. Since their break-up, Richard and Betty shared custody of their dog, Prince, but rarely spoke beyond arrangements for his routine exchanges between them. Then, Prince was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

Meanwhile, my reunion with Richard had been nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster ride. Feeling we were on shaky ground and threatened by Betty's request to visit Prince at Richard's house, I put in a request to join them. That proved to be a mistake.

The ire that had been brewing within Betty since they split bubbled up suddenly in an epic eruption. During the course of that episode, she zoned in on what she likely believed would hurt Richard the mosta call to the police complaining that he was attempting to "steal" her dying dog. That cruel gesture would humiliate him, but worse, it could have robbed him of the one being with whom he truly related emotionallyPrince.

I have to ask myself why Richard caused Betty to come uncorked. After all, she's smart and beautiful, and following her split with Richard, she began dating her boss, who happens to be a celebrity. She also had a job many would envy.

And why did Richard affect me in similar ways? How could I let him twist and torque me around like a pretzel? How had two intelligent women allowed themselves to be reduced to a cat fight over a man, when we could have been focusing our energy in far more productive ways?

While Richard certainly had some attractive attributes, he also had a violent, erratic temper. Perhaps Betty, like me, had elevated him to false "idol-ship," overlooking how utterly downright mean he could be, while always hoping for the best version of him instead.

Having been advised of his possible arrest, which he blamed on me for "inviting myself over," Richard commanded that I drive to his house for a proper scolding. I feared losing him if I didn't follow his directive, so I dutifully ignored my inner guidance and did as I was told.

It wasn't until my tires pierced his rocky, jagged driveway (a perfect metaphor for our relationship) that I was jarred into an important realizationI was about to approach a hurricane inside his house. So, before I lost my nerve, I mustered up the courage to turn my jeep around toward the safety of my own little tree house high in the mountains. Once there, I lay awake half the night feeling anything but safe. I was in stark terror of what might be brewing in Richard's "boiler room." Where, I wondered, would I be when that fury hit full force.

It took more days of drama with Richard before my weak stance in that relationship finally collapsed under its own weight. The dog, Betty, and the police proved to be blessed catalysts that sobered me up, showed me the absurdity of my behavior, and convinced me of the drastic changes I needed to make within myself. I'd reached cliff's edgethe climax in my own story. It was then that I made the commitment to take care of myself and no one else until I'd healed from the trauma I'd experienced and allowed when connected to Richard.

Engaging in that healing process is what I've been up to for the past three and a half years, while writing this book at the same time. Over the course of that time, I was repeatedly tempted to blame Richard for being the "villain" who betrayed me. But what I came to realize was that as long as I projected all the blame for our toxic relationship onto him, I wouldn't be able to see my part or take responsibility for what I'd done. And, I knew that taking responsibility was the only way I could ever recover and change.

The process of recovery and change has required me to cultivate large doses of compassion for both myself and for Richard. Otherwise, I'd be doomed to live in torment, repeatedly scratching my head in wonder at how I could have been so embarrassingly stupid. Once the smoke cleared and I found that compassion, I could see that I'd been the one to betray myself. It's been a wonderful, difficult, gut-wrenching, amazing journey of discoveryand one that's still in progress.

Several years ago, I was honored to receive two awards for my first book about unraveling patterns that interrupt the potential for true happiness and healthy relationships. Happily Ever After ... Right Now chronicled my own awakening from heartache and despair to transformation and joy. But it turns out that was merely a precursor to the story you now hold in your handsa journey that (to my surprise) wasn't complete. Choosing to ignore my own warning systems, I allowed Richard back into my life. Why would a professional woman, who had spent at least a third of her existence researching and executing ways to help others avoid such traps, become ensnared in a twisted, toxic relationshipagain?

Revamping Our Relationships

Over the course of the past few years, I have discovered and resolved the answer to that question, among many others. And I'm delighted to report that today, I'm a happy and fulfilled single woman. Not the giddy, ecstatic type of happy, but a stable and grounded happy. Do I wake up this way every single day? No, I don't. I have my share of aches, pains, challenges, and sadness just like everyone. But I've learned to manage all of that in a completely different way than ever beforea way that really works for me, and one I believe will work for you, too.