Jackson Yee - Overcoming Your Fears and Life as a Coward: Using ACT Principles to Live a Courageous Life

The most despicable and hated creatures on this planet are not the lawyers or the cockroaches, but the coward; its probably the worst thing you can call a man. Even more insulting than calling somebody faggot, dick-less, or scumbag; even more hurtful than calling a black guy the dreaded N-Word. Its damaging because being a coward is every mans biggest fear. In fact, this is what General Patton worried about himself; that he might be a pussy in the heat of a battle.

For him and the rest of the male population, being a coward is just downright shameful. On the He-man totem pole, the coward is always on the bottom because thats where he belongs. No dude wants to associate with those who cant be relied upon to help watch over them in times of trouble. Thats what a coward fears.

They run away.

Thats the simplest definition of what a coward is. Someone who is too afraid to do the right thing and splits.

As debasing as it is to accuse others of living as cowards, its rare for people to call their most hated enemies this. I suspect its because words have a mirror effect. When we use a word such as coward, it unconsciously and instantly triggers a rolodex of memories and associations within us, where we see ourselves behaving as such. If youre about to call your abusive, no-good boss a coward, in a matter of seconds, the thought of using this word stimulates your memory bank of times when you were also acting like a chicken.

Nobody wants to see themselves this way, so they censor themselves. So instead of saying, My boss is such a gutless coward, we typically hear, My boss is such...a prick.

Thats how forbidden and hated it is to use this word to describe someone that has no balls. You dont even use it to describe those hated, no-good bastards in your world.

Think about it. How many times have you used the word coward in the last month? Last year? Probably, only a handful of times. It has the hatred connotations thats similar to calling a woman that vulgar C word.

Like other infamous C words that we dont like to talk about, such as cancer, being cowardly especially in front of others is just downright pitiful. But how you act in front of others while in a significant situation weighs heavily on every dudes mind. You are supposed to be strong and brave so we can protect the women and children in our lives. In our fantasy worlds, you are the hero. You are the fearless ones with balls so gigantic that you rescue the weak and stomp the shit out of those villains that seem to look like the former bullies and assholes in your life.

But in reality, you feel you are the weak one. You would rather take off and hide than stick your neck out for someone that is even weaker than you .

This maybe the pattern that has dominated your life. Whenever there is a dangerous, scary or uncomfortable situation, do you take the easy road instead of facing down the challenge? And in those moments where you had no choice but to confront the issues, have usually faltered and given up.

So when you can escape what scares you, you do. You continue to run because you cant face your fears and instead let them get the best out of you over and over again.

As a result, being afraid is what has defined your life. It has become part of your identity.

I should know. For most of my life, I let my fears shove me around and turn me into a no-good coward.

And like you, I hated myself for being one. But, I changed. So can you.

Surprisingly, when I confessed to some of my closest friends, they were surprised and would somewhat disagree with this embarrassing self-realization. They would cite and remember all the crazy stuff that I did.

Sure, I had my moments of glory in front of my social group, but what my buddies didnt see was all the greater things I could have done because I couldnt find the courage within me to do so. Nor were they able to witness my inner anguish battled all the hateful things I said about myself whenever I let my fears beat me. When my friends werent around me, they had no idea that I faced an internal struggle.

They may not have known the real me, but I did. I knew the truth of who I was and one of the reasons why I avoided the mirror as much as possible.

I hid my secret life of a coward as best as I could. I talked a big game, but when others werent looking, I struggled every damn day of my life and my own defense mechanism told me to fear was to run away as fast I could. This is the typical profile of a scared person.

It all came to a halt when my world came tumbling down on me. It all seemed as if every bad shit happened at once. But by not being responsible and dealing with my fears, I was inadvertently creating my masterpiece of extreme heartbreak from hitting rock bottom. At the time of the crash, I wished I could have died. If I had a gun, I would have blown my brains away, but then again, I was too afraid to actually pull the trigger. This was probably the only benefit of being a coward. I was too scared to end my own life.

If I would have the guts to take my own life, it would have stopped the emotional bleeding and beating that I seemed to be getting every day. As the debt collectors that I ignored for years stopped knocking on my door and began aggressively kicking it down, the health issues that I knew existed but pretended and hoped that they would miraculously disappear began putting me in harms way. The phone calls I promised to make to my friends and family to solve small nuisances, which I never made, has resulted in crisis. I had a drinking problem but denied it because of the supposed studies that I made up in my head, which said that drinking a bottle of wine every day was good for me. But nothing threw a more powerful punch to my chicken-shit heart than the ever-intimidating and powerful IRS who seized every last cent I had, bankrupting me in an instant, leaving me with nothing but an enormous and unsolvable problem in my life, with a total bill of over $120,000 that I owed to the government.

The worst of all is that these events, one by one, exposed me to the triple whammy of being a loser, broke and a coward to the woman of my life who just moved in with me. Unfortunately and unfairly, the accumulation of these tumbling blocks forced and challenged Dianes ability to love me for what I really am and not what I was pretending to be.

If I was her, I would have packed my bags and headed out the front door.

But she didnt, so I had no choice but to get myself out of this humongous mess that I had gotten myself into. I wanted to run like I always did, but this time, I couldnt. I was boxed in with all my trouble, trapped with all the problems that I created, which grew way out of proportion than I couldve ever imagined, as every worst-case scenario became my reality.

I was stripped off the mask of who I pretended I was, totally exposed to the woman I love as a man who was living in constant fear.