Richard D. Brown - (Un)Caged
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With the central theme being that of youth. This book is dedicated to The troublemakers of our generation. Within you is a light that shines bright; thank you for existing.
What sort of item was it? Was it something cheap like a pair of socks Or perhaps it was something useful like a nice salad. Was it something expensive like a flashy new watch? What was it and how much did it cost? Tell me again how hard youve had to work To obtain such a luxurious item Tell me, please How much value does it bring to your life? And dont get offended if I ask, Was it really worth it? I ask these questions because I care. I ask because I know what its like To waste your money On frivolous things. That is why Im personally glad That I bought this jacket. Its something useful, Warm, And comfortable. And all at a discount price Of seventy-five dollars.
Not too big, Not too small. Breathable, Fitting snuggly on my skinny torso.
Eventually, I ended up in a psychiatric unit Because I crashed my car. All of this led to me dropping out of college Not by choice, but by force. I miss who I was, Even if I was becoming a monster. General Education Diploma. A test dropouts take that is supposed to resemble A high school degree. Not an exact, An equivalent.
Lacking in the prestige. Sometimes I wonder, If my lack of a formal education Correlates to my behavior. But I continue to push forward, Best not to think too strongly on that. I am a high school dropout. My life is messy. But with enough people believing in me, I trust that it will turn out alright.
Yet There is a chance that everything will fail. And it is thoughts like these that keeps me awake at night. This fear is overwhelming at times As I wonder if people will see my light. I guess, In the end, It really does not matter a whole bunch. Since were all gonna die anyways.
Dad left, Mom stayed. I was raised by a strong, independent woman And I still somehow found a way to fuck that up. /// Mom and Dad Got a divorce. Dad left, Mom stayed. I started becoming a man; Turning into a monster because I did not understand. /// Mom And Dad Got a Divorce. /// Mom And Dad Got a Divorce.
Dad, He left. Mom, She stayed.
Perfect In every sense of the word. Except he would go home and be Depressed. Because of how much of an empty life He lived. Ive had this idea For quite some time Until I realized I was already living it. Until I woke up.
But, also, my horrendous attitude Towards anything I cannot control. I have the interior of the cool kid(s). A bit of a troublemaker; With the exterior of Your average nice guy. As I continue to grow, I start to notice more Of how my actions affect those around me. Whether that be for better or for worse, I am unsure.
Dont treat me as your muse I am not comfortable with that. Love me the way you love yourself And we can take it from there. Dont consider me anything more than a human Because, like you, I, too, am broken on the inside. And I think it is unfair to be treated differently Just because we are in love with one another. Allow me to dwell where darkness lies For that is where my peace is hidden. Let me be free in my expression, Like you were before you met me.
Be my light and Ill be yours.
But instead it ended in sadness, In anger, And in uncertainty. I am afraid I will be sent back To rot away for my sins. And while you could say that I am already rotting It is far worse When all you have to keep you company Is sleep and minimal exercise. This place is not for me, I tell myself In an effort to calm down. Repeating, I am not meant to be here.
Im asking questions to prevent myself from panicking. Until I reach the cell where Im alone. The metal doors clanking around me. My heartbeat speeds up Pounding rapidly As thoughts flood my mind. Thinking: I cannot my breathe, My world is ending, I am going to die in here, And I fall asleep. An orange sandal acting as my pillow for the night.
Wrapped up in a thin blanket. Screaming obscenities when I am awake, The only way I know how to escape. I hope I do not go back To that God-awful place.
Of bongos And music; Music of all kinds. What a vivid imagination this kid has If only he knew Of the harsh realities hell have to face. Realities where demons happily dance And false idols persuade. Where silence is a luxury In such a loud place. Live life now, my child; Your innocence is beautiful.
By proxy, A product of you. How do you defeat yourself? What kind of life is it Where you become so self-aware That all you want to do Is to die? Because the thrill of the sensations Have become overwhelmingly comfortable to you. What kind of mindset do you have to be in To, in some ways, Voluntarily get arrested? Just so that you can Learn something new What kind of monster are you? How good it must feel To be free of the cages. How good it must feel To create this story for yourself. How bad it must be When things dont go your way. How bad it must be When you become stuck again.
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