Jen Babakhan - Detoured: The Messy, Grace-Filled Journey from Working Professional to Stay-at-Home Mom

Motherhood changes work-outside-the-home mothers in ways that are hard to put into words. Yet if anyone has beautifully captured the before and after of a career detoured by family, its Jen Babakhan. Has your plan for the perfect work/family balance fallen apart? Are you plagued by worries that youll lose yourself as you pour out your life for others? Jen understands. With tender confessions and hope-filled encouragement, Jens words will be a soothing balm to your soul. She reminds all of us moms that the truth of Gods provision and care for usand our kidsis something we can depend on. Through these pages youll discover the joy of living the fullness God intended. Its a wonderful book, and I already have a list of friends Im eager to share it with!

Tricia Goyer, mom of ten and USA Today bestselling author of 70+ books, including Calming Angry Kids

This is the book I wish I would have had when I left behind a news career in the city to become a stay-at-home mom on the farm. Ive never regretted that decision, but I desperately needed the peace and contentment that Jen holds out to moms in her debut book, Detoured. With personal insights and helpful advice, this book beautifully celebrates the gift of motherhood.

Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of Its All Under Control and The Happiness Dare

Jen Babakhan has a life-changing message for anyone who has ever found herself experiencing an unexpected detour in life. Filled with audacious honesty, practical ideas, and deep wisdom, this is the kind of book that will help you regain your perspective and get unstuck from the false beliefs that are holding you back.

Mandy Arioto, president and CEO, MOPS International

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Cover design by Connie Gabbert Design + Illustration

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Published in association with Books & Such Literary Management, 52 Mission Circle, Suite 122, PMB 170, Santa Rosa, CA 95409-5370, www.booksandsuch.com.

Detoured

Copyright 2019 by Jen Babakhan

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97408

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

ISBN 978-0-7369-7673-2 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-7674-9 (eBook)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Babakhan, Jen, 1981- author.

Title: Detoured / Jen Babakhan.

Description: Eugene: Harvest House Publishers, 2019.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019004513 (print) | LCCN 2019008939 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736976749 (ebook) | ISBN 9780736976732 (pbk.)

Subjects: LCSH: MothersReligious life. | MotherhoodReligious aspectsChristianity. | VocationChristianity. | Identity (Psychology)Religious aspectsChristianity. | Change (Psychology)Religious aspectsChristianity.

Classification: LCC BV4529.18 (ebook) | LCC BV4529.18 .B32 2019 (print) | DDC 248.8/431dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019004513

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For Ed, Bryce, and Bradley

You are evidence of how extravagantly God loves me,

and this book is as much yours as mine.

Ill love you forever.

Contents

E veryone loves good before and after photos. Before and after what really doesnt matter as long as theres a visible difference between the two. Typically, the after photo shows a drastic improvement of some sort. When I think about what my own photos would look like, however, this would be reversed. Imagine this with me: In my before, Im wearing a lavender dress shirt tucked into charcoal gray dress pants. My dark hair is carefully pulled up, with just enough kept out to frame my face. My face is freshly made up, and my pearl earrings match my necklace. Im on a business trip with colleagues, and Im vibrant. Surrounded by work-friends Ive known for years, Im enjoying laughter and conversation.

In my after, Im wearing charcoal lounge pants with a limp drawstring, paired with a fitted blue T-shirt from Target. My dark hair is peppered with rogue grays refusing to lie flat, and it is pulled into a messy ponytail. My face is naked, and Im wearing no accessories. Im a mother of two and, by the looks of it, exhausted. Im alone with my infant son asleep on my chest, scrolling through my Facebook feed to numb the loneliness.

My before and after images are clearly different, but one thingthe most important thingremains unchanged. Dressed up or down, working professional or professional baby-rocker, my worth in Christ remains untouched.

Do you feel like your worse-than-before after photo is permanent? Like, when you traded career for kids, you actually traded in your identity? I promise you, neither of those is true. When I began writing this book (in between diaper changes, endless snack serving, and Target runs), I held the vision of you in mindand my prayer was that this book would help you blend your before and after photos into an image that accurately reflects the truth of who you are in Christ. Transition is hard. Being home with children all day long is exhausting. I know youre tempted to settle for a life of sweatpants, Internet surfing, and missing your work-friends (or maybe just drinking coffee in silence), but Jesus wants more for us. We still have purpose. The world still needs us. We never relinquished our most important title: Daughter of God.

If youre holding this book in your hands, then youve done the miraculous thing that is taking time for yourself. You might feel guilty about this simple act (you probably do). Take a deep breath and know that you are not alone. You arent alone in the endless laundry, the yelling, the crying because you yelled, or the hopelessness that is born of daily monotony. This isnt the life you planned or imagined when you walked away from your career and toward the family you love even more. I know that the loneliness you feel is isolating and deafening. Motherhood is the constant pouring out of yourself that threatens to leave you empty, asking you at times to give up more than you feel like youre getting.

Following Gods call to surrender my career felt a lot like giving up my identity. Many of my friends and those closest to me disappeared in the process, an unanticipated loss that shook my confidence. At the end of each day at home with my newborn son, I mourned the loss of a sense of accomplishment. The dishes were done, the baby was changedbut what difference did that make in the real world? I had confused my work with my worth, though I couldnt see it at the time. Its a mistake many of us have made. If youre like me, letting go of your career to stay home with your children brought joy but also unexpected grief and a sense of loss.