Jen Oshman - Enough about Me: Find Lasting Joy in the Age of Self

When I was in sixth grade, I met Jordan Knight. Backstage at the New Kids on the Block concert, he asked me if I thought he should shave before going on stage. Are you dying? I died.

My friend got us backstage passes, and we met both Jordan Knight and Donnie Wahlberg. For eleven-year-old Jen (Jenni at the time), it was euphoric. I mean, I actually touched Jordans face.

My bedroom walls were plastered with NKOTB posters. I had NKOTB bed sheets. Cassette tapes. A beach towel. A lunch box. I even had a black felt fedora just like the New Kids, and I proudly wore it to the mall.

Maybe you had the same experience with the Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC or Boyz II Men. My oldest daughter had a thing for One Direction. What is it with boy bands? They have a special power over the preteen girl. We were smitten. Obsessed even.

No one had to convince us to love them. We didnt need to be told their many virtues or attend a class to learn all their excellencies. Like moths to a flame, we swarmed without instruction. It was natural and automatic.

I may be thirty years past my backstage moment with Jordan Knight, but I am still drawn to the things I adore. Some of those things are superficial, like the black iron chandelier Id like to have for my dining room. Or this seasons new line of athleisure wear. Or a new leather handbag. Some of the things I adore are a bit more meaningful, like the books on my Amazon wish list and a desire for a healthy lifestyle. Other objects of my affection are truly important, like the vision I have of a peaceful home, game nights with my kids, ministry side by side with my husband, deep spiritual conversations with the women in my life, restful vacations with my loved ones, and the perfect work-life balance.

We all naturally adore something or many somethings. You and I and everyone else on the planet have an idea of what we want. He says the heart is like a compass. It automatically points us toward our true norththat is, whatever we want or love or envision as the good life. Like a magnet, the object of our affection pulls us toward itself. We dont have to be taught to go there; we naturally wander that way.

What Do You Want?

In the very beginning of his ministry, Jesus turned to his disciples, who had just started following him, and asked them, What do you want? (John 1:38 NIV). Some translations say What are you seeking? or What are you looking for?

Jesus asked this question during their first moments together because he knew they were all inclined to follow whatever it was they wanted or loved. He wanted them to identify what it was they were after. He knew that the heart is the wellspring of life (Prov. 4:23). It is out of the abundance of the heart that we live (Luke 6:45).

Life is lived in minutes, which add up to hours and days and years. Whatever we love most each minute is what drives our action in the present. Those minutes build, one on top of the other. Life is a culmination of our momentary desires. Whatever our hearts love each minute will lead us for a lifetime. We are what we love.

Each of us must therefore ask, What do I love? What am I loving the most right now? Jesus calls us to love God and to love neighbor above all else (Matt. 22:3640), so we run into problems when we love other things more than these. The problem isnt necessarily that we love certain things; its that often we dont love the right things enough.

For example, if I love myself and my schedule and my convenience more than I love my neighbor, then I wont be willing to offer help when needed. Ill be unable, for example, to watch a friends child while she goes to the doctor; reserve a spot on our familys calendar to serve at our local food bank once a month; or joyfully spend one morning a week with my ailing father in his nursing home.

Or if I love myself more than I love the Lord, Ill spend more time perfecting my own image, my own home, and my own work than I will getting to know him better through prayer, time in the word, and worship.

The problem isnt that I love to have a schedule or work hard or have a nice house or even necessarily that I love myself. The problem is that I dont love either God or my neighbor enough. And my loves are out of order.

Cultural Magnets

The objects of our love are more caught than taught. No one has to teach me to desire a better chandelier in my dining room. I want a new light because I see prettier lights in other peoples homes, on the covers of home design magazines in the grocery store, and when I tune in to HGTV. The prettier lights are all around me, and they make my current light look ugly. I am immersed in a culture of pretty home things. I see them. I talk about them with my friends. I want them.

Amazon and Google know this well. Recently I was at a friends home for our Gospel Community (our churchs version of small group or community group). The cell reception in her area was bad so I logged on to her Wi-Fi on my phone. The next day my Facebook feed was filled with advertisements for the exact rug in my friends living room. Not only her rug, but her lamp and chair as well. The internet knew where I had been; and it knew that I would see that rug there because it had been ordered from her IP address. It knew that I would like what I saw, and it gave me a chance to purchase it the very next day.

Amazon and Google and Facebook know that we humans are shortsighted. We see and live for and love the here and now. Its hard for us to envision a good life that is outside of our immediate surroundings.

So if our hearts are like a compass and they naturally align with whatever we love, then the work of the Christian is to constantly turn our compasses back to our true northto God himself, the only one who can truly satisfy you and me.

Prone to Wander, So We Must Renew

By the time my family moved away from Japan, I had spent more time in my life driving on the left side of the road than on the right side. When we relocated to right-side-of-the-road countries, I often approached my car and got in on the right side instead of the left. I ended up in the passenger seat when I was supposed to be the driver more times than I care to admit. If I was alone, I had a good laugh. If I was with my kids, they definitely had a good laugh.

I was prone to getting into the right side of the car because thats what I was used to. It was my intuition. It was natural. But it was wrong. I had to retrain myself to get into the left side of the car when I was going to drive it. In the same way, we are prone to loving ourselves and other things more than we love God. Therefore we have to constantly retrain ourselves.

The Bible calls this renewing your mind. The apostle Paul knew how easily we are influenced by the cultural love-magnets all around us. He knew the cultural air we breathe would not point us back to our supreme love, which is God himself. So he instructed the early church to renew their minds.

In his letter to the Romans Paul said, Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind (Rom. 12:2). He told the Ephesians to be renewed in the spirit of your minds (Eph. 4:23). To renew your mind is to be built up in Christ (Col. 2:7).

Unworthy objects will constantly pull the compass of our hearts toward them, so renewremember what is true. Remember who is the source of your life and breath. Remember your Creator and sustainer and the giver of your true joy.

Renew your mind. Remind yourself. Rehearse the truth to one another. Just as you were rooted in Christ, so build yourselves up in Christ.

In renewing their minds Paul wanted the early Christians to set their minds on the things above. Rather than simply behave, he wanted them to behold their God. He told the Colossians, If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth (Col. 3:12 ).